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05 Aug 2020, by CJBanorexiawarrior

Poem: Love From, Your Body

A poem about anorexia nervosa

Please, I just want to know – why are you doing this to me?
What was wrong with the old you? You’ve changed, can’t you see?

I think you and I first started falling out in 2014, in the month of May,
And we’re no closer to rekindling our understanding to this day,

You started running; convinced yourself you were doing it for tone,
Well a year down the line and all I am is skin and bone,

You told everyone you were making a few healthy changes, and that was fine,
But you weren’t in a good place and it didn’t take much to overstep the line,

It took a matter of weeks for you to become obsessed with fitness and diet,
You stole my energy and fed me only salad to keep me quiet,

But I couldn’t keep quiet; I wasn’t used to this way of living;
No carbs, no fat – small portions of vegetables were all you were giving,

I tried to tell you that it was all getting too much, but you wouldn’t take my warning,
Your soul disappeared, leaving the rest of you in mourning,

You rapidly lost weight from running and I thought that would be the end,
Thought you could strike the balance between fitness and health and we could make amends,

But this hell was far from over, in fact it was only just the start,
Crippling your whole body from your mind to your heart,

Instead of letting me refuel to coincide with all the exercise,
You carried on restricting, and the misery appeared behind your eyes,

You lost your spark; you were constantly tired and sad,
But you just couldn’t seem to stop and the thought of it made you mad,

Invitations out with your family and friends you began to decline,
Hiding the relentless secret torture of anorexia, but still you insisted you were fine,

You told me to be strong, to keep enduring this anguish till you reached your goal,
You promised me it would all be over, but you dragged us further down the hole,

The goal came and went, and I waited for the change,
To go back to what we used to be, surely this you could arrange?

I should have known your were in too deep, past the point of no return,
The months crawled into autumn and winter, but you didn’t seem to learn,

Sometimes you’d suddenly give in to fuel; the temptation would be too much,
And remorse and self-loathing would feed the illness’s clutch,

The cycle continued: a whir of sudden vast amounts, excessive exercise and 200 calorie days,
You’d force me to pound along the pavements, rain or shine, until it all became a haze,

Now a year has passed and the sun is out again,
You’re alone in doors, and your heart weeps with the pain,

It’s like you’re listening but you’re just not understanding,
I don’t see why you have to be so demanding?

I’m trying to tell you that I’ve had enough; I’m so weary and sore,
But in response you call me lazy and you push me more and more,

I’ve tried to stand by you and I’ve tried to be your friend,
But you keep pushing me away, as we near the bitter end…

Love from,
Your Body

Cara Jasmine Bradley ©


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