Partner with depression, What can I do?
Quote from Hoggle on 17 October 2022, 7:55 pmMy partner is in a very deep depression after suffering a sport injury a few months ago.
He has seen the local community mental health team but underestimates his issues and plays up the good things. He seems to have some level of psychosis when extremely anxious but won’t tell anyone this. He’s obsessed he will end up in hospital
I’ve managed to get him of some meds and he’s seeing a EMDR therapist but neither seem to be helping,
He absolutely refuses any other help, won’t hardly go out, rarely goes to work (we are self employed) and has cut himself off from his family and friends. I’ve suggested loads of things all of which he refuses, he wouldn’t even call the sane helpline.
We have a teenager who is struggling and a business that is being majorly neglected.
Can anyone give any advise
My partner is in a very deep depression after suffering a sport injury a few months ago.
He has seen the local community mental health team but underestimates his issues and plays up the good things. He seems to have some level of psychosis when extremely anxious but won’t tell anyone this. He’s obsessed he will end up in hospital
I’ve managed to get him of some meds and he’s seeing a EMDR therapist but neither seem to be helping,
He absolutely refuses any other help, won’t hardly go out, rarely goes to work (we are self employed) and has cut himself off from his family and friends. I’ve suggested loads of things all of which he refuses, he wouldn’t even call the sane helpline.
We have a teenager who is struggling and a business that is being majorly neglected.
Can anyone give any advise
Quote from Dooney on 22 October 2022, 5:59 amHello, thanks for sharing your story. A good friend of mine had a similar situation due to a sport injury that threw him down a similar path and it took a while for him to find his way back to a healthy and active life, although it meant a change of career and physical activity. Below are some thoughts on this issue and sorry ahead of time for its lengthiness.
Healing from physical injury is both a mental and an emotional experience and it sounds like your partner is stuck in a state of mourning for the loss of the physical control he was used to. Assuming he was very dedicated to this sport for a long time means he had a sense or building something tangible for himself, also connecting with others if the sport involved more than one person. One can come to see the practice of a sport as akin to building a temple to the mere physicality and prowess of the body, which becomes something reliable one can trust. Injury that takes one away from this focus on physical activity can isolate and cloud a person’s ability to process issues logically, causing a major blockage in communication and thought processing. After all, for a person who is atuned to their body, it is hard to put in words what it feels like or what can be done to overcome the sense of loss.
You, on the other hand, based on the little I can get from your post, are more atuned to feelings, their intricacies, and their expression. You seem to care highly for the well-being of others and it sounds like you have a good grasp on emotions and a great intuition about what others are feeling. At the same time this puts you at risk of wearing yourself out, especially if you’re focused on figuring out the emotional state of your partner and ways to help him emerge from this current state. Meanwhile your own limits are being tested as you try to keep the business together and provide care for your son. Your parental duty has, in a way doubled, and you’re seeing no choice but to assume the role and try to solve it all alone. Big questions for yourself are: “How am I taking care of myself? Am I seeking for help for myself or am I only trying to find help to “fix” my partner?”, “Can I get temporary help with the business? With my son?” Your partner’s injury has affected not just his body/mind/heart but it has spread out of him to affect all of you. Thus you too need to seek support for your own emotional state as you make your way through this.
Unfortunately it sounds like when it comes to emotions you both might have very different communication styles. Are you as connected to your physical body as he is? If not, if you’re not as active as he was physically and you’re more active emotionally, then you will have a hard time communicating with him about his injury and its repercussions. Only based on what I can gather, he needs to rebuild his trust on his own body and there have to be other physical activities or approaches that can bring him pleasure and satisfaction, even if they are small or mundane initially.
Right now it appears he is giving up on nurturing his body because it has betrayed him and could betray him again. Think of this as a relationship between him and his body that has just undergone a major betrayal: he’s going to have a hard time relearning his limits in a realistic manner (without going to extremes like thinking of ending up in the hospital) and building trust again. His mind cannot translate this loss into logic or even an verbal expression of emotions. Among those feelings you would probably find shame for not being how he was and a desire to isolate Was he always less expressive emotionally than you? If so, that would lead him to express his pain in a physical way: not doing anything. He might have come to identity himself with what he could do physically and the sport might have been a distilled form of that idea of him becoming his body.
As this mourning stage will still take longer than it has already, you have to figure out how to get help for yourself, your son, and your business. Meanwhile research and use trial and error to find forms of communication that emphasize the senses, that are tactile. When you talk to your partner about how this is affecting you and your son try reframing your emotions and concerns in how they affect you physically: “I feel a void in my chest” instead of “ I am sad” for instance. This might align with what he understands if he is indeed so atuned to his body. Rely on touch, contact, heat and cold, bringing it all back to basiscs as if you were trying to care for an infant that is obviously in pain but doesn’t have the words to tell you where it hurts.
One reality to face is that the lack of physical activity is only going to perpetuate his feeling of his body betraying him and lead to other health problems. Part of his loss are all the chemicals released while doing intense and focused exercise and the lack of these chemicals causes a depressed feeling that unfortunately feeds on itself. He needs physical encouragement and start engaging in activities that can release these chemicals. Other things to look for are mindfulness exercises and even yoga to get him back in touch with his body, which you could do together as a family. As you communicate express your stress and challenges in physical form as much as you can, involving as many senses as possible. Use touch as you communicate, massage, hot baths, any thing that allows you to be in contact with him when words are not sufficient.
I hope you can find even a shimmer of light in these words and keep us updated with progress.
Best wishes.
Hello, thanks for sharing your story. A good friend of mine had a similar situation due to a sport injury that threw him down a similar path and it took a while for him to find his way back to a healthy and active life, although it meant a change of career and physical activity. Below are some thoughts on this issue and sorry ahead of time for its lengthiness.
Healing from physical injury is both a mental and an emotional experience and it sounds like your partner is stuck in a state of mourning for the loss of the physical control he was used to. Assuming he was very dedicated to this sport for a long time means he had a sense or building something tangible for himself, also connecting with others if the sport involved more than one person. One can come to see the practice of a sport as akin to building a temple to the mere physicality and prowess of the body, which becomes something reliable one can trust. Injury that takes one away from this focus on physical activity can isolate and cloud a person’s ability to process issues logically, causing a major blockage in communication and thought processing. After all, for a person who is atuned to their body, it is hard to put in words what it feels like or what can be done to overcome the sense of loss.
You, on the other hand, based on the little I can get from your post, are more atuned to feelings, their intricacies, and their expression. You seem to care highly for the well-being of others and it sounds like you have a good grasp on emotions and a great intuition about what others are feeling. At the same time this puts you at risk of wearing yourself out, especially if you’re focused on figuring out the emotional state of your partner and ways to help him emerge from this current state. Meanwhile your own limits are being tested as you try to keep the business together and provide care for your son. Your parental duty has, in a way doubled, and you’re seeing no choice but to assume the role and try to solve it all alone. Big questions for yourself are: “How am I taking care of myself? Am I seeking for help for myself or am I only trying to find help to “fix” my partner?”, “Can I get temporary help with the business? With my son?” Your partner’s injury has affected not just his body/mind/heart but it has spread out of him to affect all of you. Thus you too need to seek support for your own emotional state as you make your way through this.
Unfortunately it sounds like when it comes to emotions you both might have very different communication styles. Are you as connected to your physical body as he is? If not, if you’re not as active as he was physically and you’re more active emotionally, then you will have a hard time communicating with him about his injury and its repercussions. Only based on what I can gather, he needs to rebuild his trust on his own body and there have to be other physical activities or approaches that can bring him pleasure and satisfaction, even if they are small or mundane initially.
Right now it appears he is giving up on nurturing his body because it has betrayed him and could betray him again. Think of this as a relationship between him and his body that has just undergone a major betrayal: he’s going to have a hard time relearning his limits in a realistic manner (without going to extremes like thinking of ending up in the hospital) and building trust again. His mind cannot translate this loss into logic or even an verbal expression of emotions. Among those feelings you would probably find shame for not being how he was and a desire to isolate Was he always less expressive emotionally than you? If so, that would lead him to express his pain in a physical way: not doing anything. He might have come to identity himself with what he could do physically and the sport might have been a distilled form of that idea of him becoming his body.
As this mourning stage will still take longer than it has already, you have to figure out how to get help for yourself, your son, and your business. Meanwhile research and use trial and error to find forms of communication that emphasize the senses, that are tactile. When you talk to your partner about how this is affecting you and your son try reframing your emotions and concerns in how they affect you physically: “I feel a void in my chest” instead of “ I am sad” for instance. This might align with what he understands if he is indeed so atuned to his body. Rely on touch, contact, heat and cold, bringing it all back to basiscs as if you were trying to care for an infant that is obviously in pain but doesn’t have the words to tell you where it hurts.
One reality to face is that the lack of physical activity is only going to perpetuate his feeling of his body betraying him and lead to other health problems. Part of his loss are all the chemicals released while doing intense and focused exercise and the lack of these chemicals causes a depressed feeling that unfortunately feeds on itself. He needs physical encouragement and start engaging in activities that can release these chemicals. Other things to look for are mindfulness exercises and even yoga to get him back in touch with his body, which you could do together as a family. As you communicate express your stress and challenges in physical form as much as you can, involving as many senses as possible. Use touch as you communicate, massage, hot baths, any thing that allows you to be in contact with him when words are not sufficient.
I hope you can find even a shimmer of light in these words and keep us updated with progress.
Best wishes.
Quote from Colly on 23 October 2022, 11:43 pmHi Hoggle
Can you get your partner to have a fairly rigid daily schedule involving working at least some every work day.
If you can get him to have a structured work environment where he can gain some satisfaction from it, would be great. Even if its just a few hours a day. Obviously if its a stressfull job then it might be harmful though if it is, less hours would be advised.
He needs something that gives him purpose and a sense of achievement.
I wish you all the best Hoggle.
Colly
Hi Hoggle
Can you get your partner to have a fairly rigid daily schedule involving working at least some every work day.
If you can get him to have a structured work environment where he can gain some satisfaction from it, would be great. Even if its just a few hours a day. Obviously if its a stressfull job then it might be harmful though if it is, less hours would be advised.
He needs something that gives him purpose and a sense of achievement.
I wish you all the best Hoggle.
Colly
Quote from simonlee114 on 2 January 2023, 10:33 amQuote from Dooney on 22 October 2022, 5:59 amHello, thanks for sharing your story. A good friend of mine had a similar situation due to a sport injury that threw him down a similar path and it took a while for him to find his way back to a healthy and active life, although it meant a change of career and physical activity. Below are some thoughts on this issue and sorry ahead of time for its lengthiness.
Healing from physical injury is both a mental and an emotional experience and it sounds like your partner is stuck in a state of mourning for the loss of the physical control he was used to. Assuming he was very dedicated to this sport for a long time means he had a sense or building something tangible for himself, also connecting with others if the sport involved more than one person. One can come to see the practice of a sport as akin to building a temple to the mere physicality and prowess of the body, which becomes something reliable one can trust. Injury that takes one away from this focus on physical activity can isolate and cloud a person’s ability to process issues logically, causing a major blockage in communication and thought processing. After all, for a person who is atuned to their body, it is hard to put in words what it feels like or what can be done to overcome the sense of loss.
You, on the other hand, based on the little I can get from your post, are more atuned to feelings, their intricacies, and their expression. You seem to care highly for the well-being of others and it sounds like you have a good grasp on emotions and a great intuition about what others are feeling. At the same time this puts you at risk of wearing yourself out, especially if you’re focused on figuring out the emotional state of your partner and ways to help him emerge from this current state. Meanwhile your own limits are being tested as you try to keep the business together and provide care for your son. Your parental duty has, in a way doubled, and you’re seeing no choice but to assume the role and try to solve it all alone. Big questions for yourself are: “How am I taking care of myself? Am I seeking for help for myself or am I only trying to find help to “fix” my partner?”, “Can I get temporary help with the business? With my son?” Your partner’s injury has affected not just his body/mind/heart but it has spread out of him to affect all of you. Thus you too need to seek support for your own emotional state as you make your way through this.
Unfortunately it sounds like when it comes to emotions you both might have very different communication styles. Are you as connected to your physical body as he is? If not, if you’re not as active as he was physically and you’re more active emotionally, then you will have a hard time communicating with him about his injury and its repercussions. Only based on what I can gather, he needs to rebuild his trust on his own body and there have to be other physical activities or approaches that can bring him pleasure and satisfaction, even if they are small or mundane initially.
Right now it appears he is giving up on nurturing his body because it has betrayed him and could betray him again. Think of this as a relationship between him and his body that has just undergone a major betrayal: he’s going to have a hard time relearning his limits in a realistic manner (without going to extremes like thinking of ending up in the hospital) and building trust again. His mind cannot translate this loss into logic or even an verbal expression of emotions. Among those feelings you would probably find shame for not being how he was and a desire to isolate Was he always less expressive emotionally than you? If so, that would lead him to express his pain in a physical way: not doing anything. He might have come to identity himself with what he could do physically and the sport might have been a distilled form of that idea of him becoming his body.
As this mourning stage will still take longer than it has already, you have to figure out how to get help for yourself, your son, and your business. Meanwhile research and use trial and error to find forms of communication that emphasize the senses, that are tactile. When you talk to your partner about how this is affecting you and your son try reframing your emotions and concerns in how they affect you physically: “I feel a void in my chest” instead of “ I am sad” for instance. This might align with what he understands if he is indeed so atuned to his body. Rely on touch, contact, heat and cold, bringing it all back to basiscs as if you were trying to care for an infant that is obviously in pain but doesn’t have the words to tell you where it hurts.
One reality to face is that the lack of physical activity is only going to perpetuate his feeling of his body betraying him and lead to other health problems. Part of his loss are all the chemicals released while doing intense and focused exercise and the lack of these chemicals causes a depressed feeling that unfortunately feeds on itself. He needs physical encouragement and start engaging in activities that can release these chemicals. Other things to look for are mindfulness exercises and even yoga to get him back in touch with his body, which you could do together as a family. As you communicate express your stress and challenges in physical form as much as you can, involving as many senses as possible. Use touch as you communicate, massage, hot baths, any thing that allows you to be in contact with him when words are not sufficient.
I hope you can find even a shimmer of light in these words and keep us updated with progress.
Best wishes.
This is a fantastic post! Author may have shared such a beautiful essay with us since it contains a lot of useful information and motivation. Thank you for sharing this.
Quote from Dooney on 22 October 2022, 5:59 amHello, thanks for sharing your story. A good friend of mine had a similar situation due to a sport injury that threw him down a similar path and it took a while for him to find his way back to a healthy and active life, although it meant a change of career and physical activity. Below are some thoughts on this issue and sorry ahead of time for its lengthiness.
Healing from physical injury is both a mental and an emotional experience and it sounds like your partner is stuck in a state of mourning for the loss of the physical control he was used to. Assuming he was very dedicated to this sport for a long time means he had a sense or building something tangible for himself, also connecting with others if the sport involved more than one person. One can come to see the practice of a sport as akin to building a temple to the mere physicality and prowess of the body, which becomes something reliable one can trust. Injury that takes one away from this focus on physical activity can isolate and cloud a person’s ability to process issues logically, causing a major blockage in communication and thought processing. After all, for a person who is atuned to their body, it is hard to put in words what it feels like or what can be done to overcome the sense of loss.
You, on the other hand, based on the little I can get from your post, are more atuned to feelings, their intricacies, and their expression. You seem to care highly for the well-being of others and it sounds like you have a good grasp on emotions and a great intuition about what others are feeling. At the same time this puts you at risk of wearing yourself out, especially if you’re focused on figuring out the emotional state of your partner and ways to help him emerge from this current state. Meanwhile your own limits are being tested as you try to keep the business together and provide care for your son. Your parental duty has, in a way doubled, and you’re seeing no choice but to assume the role and try to solve it all alone. Big questions for yourself are: “How am I taking care of myself? Am I seeking for help for myself or am I only trying to find help to “fix” my partner?”, “Can I get temporary help with the business? With my son?” Your partner’s injury has affected not just his body/mind/heart but it has spread out of him to affect all of you. Thus you too need to seek support for your own emotional state as you make your way through this.
Unfortunately it sounds like when it comes to emotions you both might have very different communication styles. Are you as connected to your physical body as he is? If not, if you’re not as active as he was physically and you’re more active emotionally, then you will have a hard time communicating with him about his injury and its repercussions. Only based on what I can gather, he needs to rebuild his trust on his own body and there have to be other physical activities or approaches that can bring him pleasure and satisfaction, even if they are small or mundane initially.
Right now it appears he is giving up on nurturing his body because it has betrayed him and could betray him again. Think of this as a relationship between him and his body that has just undergone a major betrayal: he’s going to have a hard time relearning his limits in a realistic manner (without going to extremes like thinking of ending up in the hospital) and building trust again. His mind cannot translate this loss into logic or even an verbal expression of emotions. Among those feelings you would probably find shame for not being how he was and a desire to isolate Was he always less expressive emotionally than you? If so, that would lead him to express his pain in a physical way: not doing anything. He might have come to identity himself with what he could do physically and the sport might have been a distilled form of that idea of him becoming his body.
As this mourning stage will still take longer than it has already, you have to figure out how to get help for yourself, your son, and your business. Meanwhile research and use trial and error to find forms of communication that emphasize the senses, that are tactile. When you talk to your partner about how this is affecting you and your son try reframing your emotions and concerns in how they affect you physically: “I feel a void in my chest” instead of “ I am sad” for instance. This might align with what he understands if he is indeed so atuned to his body. Rely on touch, contact, heat and cold, bringing it all back to basiscs as if you were trying to care for an infant that is obviously in pain but doesn’t have the words to tell you where it hurts.
One reality to face is that the lack of physical activity is only going to perpetuate his feeling of his body betraying him and lead to other health problems. Part of his loss are all the chemicals released while doing intense and focused exercise and the lack of these chemicals causes a depressed feeling that unfortunately feeds on itself. He needs physical encouragement and start engaging in activities that can release these chemicals. Other things to look for are mindfulness exercises and even yoga to get him back in touch with his body, which you could do together as a family. As you communicate express your stress and challenges in physical form as much as you can, involving as many senses as possible. Use touch as you communicate, massage, hot baths, any thing that allows you to be in contact with him when words are not sufficient.
I hope you can find even a shimmer of light in these words and keep us updated with progress.
Best wishes.
This is a fantastic post! Author may have shared such a beautiful essay with us since it contains a lot of useful information and motivation. Thank you for sharing this.
Quote from kyah0523 on 18 March 2023, 8:46 amI go a day or around 30-36 hours between eating from stress and anxiety. I'm a 27 male, been a jock and fitness freak my whole life. I started intermittent fasting in my teens, and I have found the angst of adulthood and the stressors of work (or maybe my body's conditioning and mindset on food) have caused this
I go a day or around 30-36 hours between eating from stress and anxiety. I'm a 27 male, been a jock and fitness freak my whole life. I started intermittent fasting in my teens, and I have found the angst of adulthood and the stressors of work (or maybe my body's conditioning and mindset on food) have caused this
