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Still planning on ending it all

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wheezy0409
Posts: 42
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2020 3:37 am

Still planning on ending it all

Postby wheezy0409 » Wed Jul 14, 2021 12:32 am

At the beginning of this year I decided that if I wasn’t doing any better or there was no hope of me feeling any better I would end my life at the beginning of next year. If I’m honest I’m still planning on going. I found out that I have fibromyalgia and that the only way it can get better is through this self help bullshit that I have been trying for years to improve my mental health. My pains and all that are still as bad as they were a few months ago. I can’t eat a lot now as it makes my stomach hurt and I wake up with stomach pains as well. I just feel like I’m trapped in a loop.
Part of my has been hoping to get hit by a car or have an unexpected heart attack or something just so me dying isn’t me doing it to myself. If I die from an accident or medical issues it’s not my fault and people can’t be upset with the fact I did it to myself. But with an accident or something like that they can only morn me without it being my fault.
I know it’s not a good mentality to have about life but I just don’t want to live in pain anymore. I feel like no doctors actually listen to a word I have to say and they never keep their promises either, so what the point? I love my family, friends and partner but sometimes I just can’t take it anymore. When someone is ill and they die we say “they are in a better place we have to be happy they aren’t hurting anymore” why isn’t it the same if I kill myself because of my pain? Why do I get called selfish and have people say bad things about me just cause I finally had enough?
My partner still doesn’t know cause it would break their heart. I can’t tell them. For them I hope that things get better soon and that I feel like I am making some sort of progress otherwise I will just end up hurting them.

kashmir
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2021 6:38 am

Re: Still planning on ending it all

Postby kashmir » Fri Jul 23, 2021 7:31 am

Hello,
Please don’t give up. I know it’s hard I’m in the same place myself. Now you have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia you can get help with this, I’ve had it myself & I know how painful it can get but in time & help with pain management you will get there. There is no quick solution but just take one day at a time and insist on being referred for proper pain management you can’t do this all your own.

wheezy0409
Posts: 42
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2020 3:37 am

Re: Still planning on ending it all

Postby wheezy0409 » Tue Jul 27, 2021 12:04 am

kashmir wrote:Hello,
Please don’t give up. I know it’s hard I’m in the same place myself. Now you have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia you can get help with this, I’ve had it myself & I know how painful it can get but in time & help with pain management you will get there. There is no quick solution but just take one day at a time and insist on being referred for proper pain management you can’t do this all your own.



I just don’t want to deal with it anymore. It’s exhausting and I am so tired. It ruins even the best of days and makes everything so unnecessarily difficult. I feel so miserable. I can’t keep living like this. I just want it all to end

kashmir
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2021 6:38 am

Re: Still planning on ending it all

Postby kashmir » Sat Jul 31, 2021 10:09 am

Hello,
I’m sorry only just seen your reply, I hope u r still managing to carry on I know it’s hard,have been dealing with some issues myself. Have been trying to get some help it is so
Exhausting going through the same things all the time & still not receive any tangible support. Am trying to hold it together it’s a constant battle, trying to hide wot I really feel from my husband who may still walk out on me. My recent actions have made things worse how do u get back from that?


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