⚠️TW⚠️ Sexual Assault and Rape
Honestly, I know I shouldn’t have told him. I had told myself before hand that I knew exactly what he was gonna he like and what he was gonna say. For once I was right. I wasn’t being paranoid and I wasn’t being overly anxious. I was right.
I had told another close friend before what happened with my ex and I told them I didn’t think I should tell my other friend. They tried to convince me that it was gonna be fine and that of course they would believe me and be wanting to comfort me. They were wrong.
The reason I wanted to tell this friend is because we had been so close for two years and I trusted them loads. And the only reason I didn’t think he would believe me was because he was also friends with my ex. But me and this guy were meant to be like best mates. He was like one of my best guy friends and now I honestly don’t know anymore.
So I messaged him just to talk and he asked me if I was ok, and that day I was honestly really struggling with all the trauma, so I said no and that I want to tell him why but I don’t want to risk him being mad or not believing me. He then spent ten or so minutes convincing me that he’ll believe me and that he is there for me. So I told him. And he said “that is some really serious accusations” no shit they are. He ended up defending him saying “I know him” “I spend so much time with him and he’s no capable of something like that” “are you sure you aren’t being sensitive” “maybe you saw it in the wrong way” “I’m sure he didn’t mean it” “I’m not saying I don’t believe you I’m just saying that I know he wouldn’t do that.” Honestly, that broke my heart. I wasn’t and I’m still not wanting to get my ex in trouble or get put away. I just wanted support from one of my closest friends and that happened. I ended up telling him to just drop the subject cause the more he defended him the more it hurt and the more I hated him. We talked a little more then stopped messaging that day and we haven’t talked since. It hurts that he hasn’t checked up on me and it hurts how he is so deep in bro code bullshit that he can’t even see how shitty he’s being. I still care about him and I still want to be his friend but he’s really hurt me. He also said “maybe you didn’t make it clear you didn’t want sex” and I told him “is pushing him away and saying no not clear” and he just ended up defending him again. As I said I’m not trying to get him in trouble I just wanted support but all I got was the thing I feared most: being told I was being overly sensitive/a liar.
I literally told him having these memories and this trauma just makes me want to kill myself and he still thinks I am being sensitive. He even asked me for my definition of sexual assault and rape like what the actual fuck.
He’s not a bad person but this shit is disgusting and I just don’t know how to think or feel about him and this. Please can you guys tell me what you think cause I’m at a loss