I’m hoping someone with similar experiences can share any advice on how to get through my crazy emotional swings as a result of a bad break up with my long term girlfriend.
I was never an ‘emotional’ person (i.e. I never cried in front of people) but the break up was the first time I was upset in front of anyone in my adult life. 3 weeks on and I am experience horrible swings in my emotions that I cannot control. I feel like most of the week I can get along fine, filling my days with distractions.
However this all gets turned on it’s head in a matter of minutes.
This weekend I spent all day with friends, watching sport and drinking beer (note – I was not drunk). I felt fine. However on the train home the sudden realisation that I was going home to an empty flat and empty bed destroyed me in seconds. I began weeping uncontrollably on the train, thankful that my face mask was hiding it.
Suicide has never crossed my mind as an option, however I did something stupid as I waiting for my connecting train. I decided to stand very close to the edge of the platform in the hope the train would pass very close and scare me. Maybe I also wanted someone to see and come and help me.
I got home safe, but broke down as soon as I arrived. I called my ex, as I have in previous breakdowns, at 1am. She is very understanding and I am grateful she is there to help in times of need, but I know this is not healthy for me given she is the one that broke my heart and destroyed my dreams of a future life with her (we were looking at a house to buy just months prior).
I said I will get help. These dark times are terrifying me but I don’t feel calling anyone but my ex in those crisis times. I just sat there crying and breathing heavily, hardly saying anything for 45 minutes. What would Samaritans or Mind volunteers do in that time?
I suppose I just wanted to share my feelings and ask for any tips of how to get through this and manage my emotions – especially what to do in those early stages of a crisis. I don’t want to be on that platform edge again