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Please just kill me

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wheezy0409
Posts: 42
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2020 3:37 am

Please just kill me

Postby wheezy0409 » Fri Feb 05, 2021 12:18 am

I’m so sick and tired of being in so much physical pain all the fucking time. I just want it all to fucking end. I don’t want to live anymore.

lol76
Posts: 265
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2020 10:36 pm

Re: Please just kill me

Postby lol76 » Fri Feb 05, 2021 12:55 am

Hi there, this must be truly awful to be living with...where are you at regards specialist help and exploratory tests? I really hope your GP is at least supporting you. Are you able to function with your pain? Please forgive my questioning I really do not intend to add to your suffering, but I care and think you deserve to be heard.

wheezy0409
Posts: 42
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2020 3:37 am

Re: Please just kill me

Postby wheezy0409 » Fri Feb 05, 2021 3:11 am

lol76 wrote:Hi there, this must be truly awful to be living with...where are you at regards specialist help and exploratory tests? I really hope your GP is at least supporting you. Are you able to function with your pain? Please forgive my questioning I really do not intend to add to your suffering, but I care and think you deserve to be heard.


It’s really hard. I’ve had about twelve vials of blood taken in total for tests, I’ve had an MRI of my head, a nerve and muscle test and a heart monitor. I have been getting worse over the last few months. I got new symptoms around august and I’ve been on what feels like a rapid decline. Some days I can barely walk because my legs hurt so bad or I am too weak to. I’m honestly surprised I haven’t fallen down the stairs. My doctors have tried me on all the painkillers they can and hopefully soon I’ll get sent to the pain clinic. Other then that I haven’t got much support. I saw a cognitive behavioural therapist and saw a hypnotherapist and regular counsellors and therapists. I just I’m so tired of running around in circles. I deal with so much pain on a daily I honestly just wish this would just kill me so I don’t have to feel pain anymore

lol76
Posts: 265
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2020 10:36 pm

Re: Please just kill me

Postby lol76 » Sat Feb 06, 2021 12:50 am

It sounds like you are going through an incredibly difficult time and are living in limbo...im not surprised your mental health is affected with all the physical symptoms you are experiencing. The pain clinic sounds like a positive thing to concentrate on and fingers crossed can get you more comfortable and then in time surely the specialists will finally get to the bottom of your diagnosis. I can understand why you feel like you are going round in circles...I dont want to patronise you and say everything will be okay but at least you now have the pain clinic on the horizon which is something for you to hang on to. You have every right to pester your GP as much as you need to...I know you probly feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall but they certainly get paid enough and have a duty of care to you so keep pestering...dont suffer in silence! Have you been given any inclin into what possibly may be your illness? If so are there any support groups for you? You are coping with alot...you have to believe a proper diagnosis and treatment will cone soon my friend...surely all these tests will fit together at some point and give you the answers you so desperately need.

wheezy0409
Posts: 42
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2020 3:37 am

Re: Please just kill me

Postby wheezy0409 » Sat Feb 13, 2021 4:14 pm

lol76 wrote:It sounds like you are going through an incredibly difficult time and are living in limbo...im not surprised your mental health is affected with all the physical symptoms you are experiencing. The pain clinic sounds like a positive thing to concentrate on and fingers crossed can get you more comfortable and then in time surely the specialists will finally get to the bottom of your diagnosis. I can understand why you feel like you are going round in circles...I dont want to patronise you and say everything will be okay but at least you now have the pain clinic on the horizon which is something for you to hang on to. You have every right to pester your GP as much as you need to...I know you probly feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall but they certainly get paid enough and have a duty of care to you so keep pestering...dont suffer in silence! Have you been given any inclin into what possibly may be your illness? If so are there any support groups for you? You are coping with alot...you have to believe a proper diagnosis and treatment will cone soon my friend...surely all these tests will fit together at some point and give you the answers you so desperately need.


Unfortunately, they haven’t got a clue what could be wrong with me. I have also had to pay out of my own money to talk to a pain management consultant as the doctors are just being too slow in helping me. It’s just awful

lol76
Posts: 265
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2020 10:36 pm

Re: Please just kill me

Postby lol76 » Tue Feb 16, 2021 3:58 pm

I tjink thats terrible you are having to pay for the pain clinic! I dont know much about what goes on in these clinics but I really hope they are able to help you because you deserve a break from your pain. Let me know how it goes and good luck!

wheezy0409
Posts: 42
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2020 3:37 am

Re: Please just kill me

Postby wheezy0409 » Sun Mar 14, 2021 4:31 am

lol76 wrote:I tjink thats terrible you are having to pay for the pain clinic! I dont know much about what goes on in these clinics but I really hope they are able to help you because you deserve a break from your pain. Let me know how it goes and good luck!


Apparently, I have CSS (Central Sensitivity Syndrome) which is a cluster of unexplainable health issues such as fibromyalgia, ibs and a bunch of other health conditions I honestly can’t recall right now. Meds won’t work apparently and I am the only one who can help myself. I have to do literally everything in 30mins increments which is so frustrating and I can’t do certain things like watch horror movies or do anything too exciting. I hopefully should be going to the pain clinic soon and I should also be going to a therapy/support group for 8 weeks as well for people like me. I just feel like I’m still stuck even with answers

lol76
Posts: 265
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2020 10:36 pm

Re: Please just kill me

Postby lol76 » Tue Mar 16, 2021 12:51 am

Wow after all this time you finally have a diagnosis. Honestly Ive never heard of it...so I had a quick google! It does sound a complicated condition but hopefully now you have an answer (even if its not what you expected) it might give you a direction. The 2 good things that strike me are the 8 week support group and the pain clinic. It might help to meet like minded sufferers who you can really relate to. You might learn coping techniques off others or even just develop supportive friendships. I know its easy for me and I really dont want to patronise you because you are the one in pain, I really wish you well and hope something helpful is coming your way...keep in touch, im always here if u wana chat or just vent!

wheezy0409
Posts: 42
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2020 3:37 am

Re: Please just kill me

Postby wheezy0409 » Sun Mar 21, 2021 4:49 am

lol76 wrote:Wow after all this time you finally have a diagnosis. Honestly Ive never heard of it...so I had a quick google! It does sound a complicated condition but hopefully now you have an answer (even if its not what you expected) it might give you a direction. The 2 good things that strike me are the 8 week support group and the pain clinic. It might help to meet like minded sufferers who you can really relate to. You might learn coping techniques off others or even just develop supportive friendships. I know its easy for me and I really dont want to patronise you because you are the one in pain, I really wish you well and hope something helpful is coming your way...keep in touch, im always here if u wana chat or just vent!


Thank you I really appreciate you putting in the time and effort to look it up and read about it. Yeah it’s good that I’m going to be meeting people who suffer to similar things to me and I’m excited that I am now being referred to the pain clinic. But there is something telling me that nothings gonna work. Like I feel like not even trying cause I feel like there isn’t any point to it. I am so terrified to put all I have into recovery to not get any better and for having wasted my time and energy. I’m just so tired of being disappointed by things not working or trying to hard just to get let down. Like I wanna give this a fair shot but my body has just gone into survival mode and ignoring everything I’m meant to be doing. I don’t know if any of this makes sense to you or if you think I’m just being a stubborn asshole but this is so hard for me to do and I honestly don’t know if I can do it

lol76
Posts: 265
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2020 10:36 pm

Re: Please just kill me

Postby lol76 » Mon Mar 22, 2021 12:43 am

I really get what you are saying and I think it's pretty natural considering what you are going through. It is kind of like a self preservation strategy...protecting yourself from any further distress or disappointment. Plus it really means that much to you to find somekind of relief that you darent try that route incase it doesnt work then where do you go? Please forgive me if I'm wrong...

have a pretty common condition called Endometriosis and it took me 8 years of seeing a consultant and trying different meds and procedures in order to stop the severe attacks of pain I used to get. Every 3 months I seemed to end up ringing 999 and being carted off to hosy and pumped full of morphine as it was the only thing to stop the pain. I used to carry a small purse round with me full of different pain killers and oral morphine then as soon as an attack was coming on I would dutifully pop everything with the hope the bad pain wouldnt take over. My attacks ruined holidays, spa break, nights out etc...Weirdly after 8 years and another consultants opinion I had an operation to remove a section of my bowel and it's been like a miracle. Completely cured my pain. But now I'm being encouraged to come off my meds and see if my condition has really gone. I'm petrified to attempt changing anything as it's taken so long to get rid of the pain that I dont want to rock the boat. For now I'm allowed to stay as I am...but who knows what I'll decide in the future. I know it's totally different to your situation and I dont intend to belittle your condition but I can understand why you feel the way you do. I think the main thing for you to do is to really give the support group a fair go. Personally I've always found talking to others who have walked in your shoes is sometimes worth more than doctors and their treatments. Even if the worse case is you walk away with not much at least you will have had the chance to chat to others who at least understand what you are living with...and that might just help you more than you realise right now. Good luck.


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