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Wife in denial.

Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2021 11:09 am
by davs
Hi, I'm 75 and my wife is 72 years, we've been married 50 years. Sorry this is a long one.When we first met, I thought she was strangely immature, still using school yard expressions. She was 20 years and I thought she'd grow out of it but never has. Being young and unexperienced and getting on with life in the army and bringing up our son. Life just went by. After I left the army after years later, she was diagnosed epileptic and I have done my best to support her ever since although it is well controlled now. Her mother mentioned all those years back shortly after I met them, that my wife, then a young schoolgirl had been sat on the edge of the playground with her head in her arms, hiding behind her hair. It was only years later I saw this as a kind of warning, but at the time I let it pass over my head. A few months into our relationship my wife, then girlfriend told me she was scared of maybe having mental illness when she was older, again I let it pass. However formant years now I have suspected she has depression or bipolar. She wouldnevergo and have this investigated, she doesn't do doctors and in any case is intotal denial. She never deals with anything, she just puts into her denial locker which must be full to bursting. She is extremely introverted, quiet and head into herbooks are her sanctuary. She had aggressive outbursts at the drop of a hat and I neverknow what mood she is going to be in at any given time. After a tiff, that she generates out of anywhere she goes into silence for a week, passive aggression. She has withdrawn from socialising apart from a few friends that she meets for lunch occasionally, however she is exhausted afterwards as it is an act on her behalf. Latest bust up over something trivial when I placed somebody's onto apace she had cleared for something else. Rather than explaining that and letting me move them off. From getting on really well lately, she came at me all guns blazing. Instead of gritting my teeth as usual and letting her get away with, I'd had enough and I told her not to speak to me like that. What followed was an out off control barage of abuse and when I walked away rather than escalate things, she shouted after me saying " go on walk away you coward, cowards walk away". I completely despaired. I feel like the only route to happiness is to separate but financially we couldn't afford our own separate places, being on on little more than state pensions. I have even thought about living wild in my van or tent. I couldn't have her out of our home as she'd never cope in a tiny rented flat or afford it either.
At a loss as to what to, do I just go on and suffer in silence.