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Daughter so far away

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
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Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2021 2:27 am

Daughter so far away

Postby lisa22 » Sun Apr 18, 2021 11:03 am

Hi , my daughter has lived in New Zealand now for 3 years , she has a daughter and a partner and is 10 weeks pregnant, her partners parents are also in her life , since her had her daughter she has had postnatal depression, she has been in to a mother and baby unit , on meds , under a mental health unit as an outpatient, they have never really given her an official diagnosis. I just don’t know what to do anymore, she seems fine then as soon as her partner leaves the house she rings to him and says she needs to goo ok to hospital if he refuses she has cut herself and also called the police . She has just 4 days in a rehab facility as she is very under weight and doesn’t eat much . I FaceTimed her today and she was fine , calm said she was going to have a relaxing evening, so for I felt I coii up le get on with my day without worrying, next minute my son in law is calling from work saying she’s being sick amd wants to gkk ok to hospital, he told her this time he can’t leave and she should just rest , she’s not picking up the phone to anyone now . It’s 11am so I guess he will be home in about an hour I’m so worried, I guess for me I’m reaching out to you on here as I feel so helpless being so far away . Also they both sometimes send me messages regarding her mental well-being in the middle of the night then don’t respond when I call . I can’t sleep as I worry a call will come in . Hers partner mother is so supportive I can’t thank her enough, but we are all beside ourselves with where this will all go , and trying to balance helping and supporting my daughter with trying to have a normal life for my granddaughter. Social services did pay a visit but felt all was well as my daughter will be fine one day ( and tbh it feels like when it suits her ) then demanding to go to hospital the next . It causes such stress for us all for a few days the she acts like nothing had happened, which is very draining, I don’t want to come across as making This all about me I want to support her as much as possible but how ? How do I do that from the other Side of the world , receiving text in the middle of the night , I feel my own mental health is on the edge . Any advice or just to know I’m not the only person dealing with this kind of situation would help ,, thank you for reading this

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Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2020 12:00 pm

Re: Daughter so far away

Postby epitaph » Tue Apr 20, 2021 5:50 pm

Hi Lisa,

Welcome to the forum, so sorry to hear what is happening to your daughter along with the impact it is having on you all.

You are certainly not alone in not being able to jump on a plane and visit your daughter. Covid-19 along with the travel restrictions it has imposed has greatly contributed to the feeling of loved ones being so far away.

From what you have said your daughter needs professional medical care that is able to provide the level of safe guarding support needed. Do you think that your daughter might agree to a regular daily FaceTime call such that you are able to just chat to each other ? Ideally at a fixed time that works for you both each day ? That might allow you to feel closer whilst helping you to understand what she is going through ? The intent is to try and make these calls as relaxed and everyday as possible. Obviously ensuring that your daughters partner is fully supportive as well.

Are you able to speak directly to her partners parents to convey your concerns ? Perhaps they could attempt to discuss this with their son and re-engage social services ?

Lastly, I'm sorry if the above is of little help as I suspect that you will have already thought of all these things and more already.

Take care ...

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