Without wishing to sound totally crass welcome to the forum! None of us ever thought we'd spend time on a forum like this, but hey it is what it is...Well done for posting as this takes courage ...
I'm so sorry that you are feeling so, so low right now; I remember all too well the feeling of utter despair, there really are no words to explain it to someone who has not experienced that feeling.
At times like these it can feel that ones friends don't seem to be there enough, are busy with their own lives or can't quite appreciate how you (the real you inside) are feeling (non returned calls, emails just add to the misery etc). It just hurts so much, with seemingly little that can be done to provide relief. With the same thoughts going round and round in ones head, they call it ruminating, that word seemingly does not convey how it feels to be that person.
What I can tell you is that with time, counselling, patience and little steps of improvement these feelings will ease enabling you to be the happy person you want to be. Life can be really painful sometimes, but it is so worth holding on to as each day is a new day, if one can start each day afresh without taking along memories from the past it can feel so much better.
I wish you well and hope that things start to improve for you, please feel free to reach out for support just as much as you need (just don't give it a second thought) as you should never feel that there is no one you can talk to, which by the way is so important in ones own healing.
Long sigh....I do wish the issue with this forum was fixed as it took an age to finally get this post submitted