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It's all getting on top of me and I can't cope

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It's all getting on top of me and I can't cope

Postby ryan92 » Wed Feb 10, 2021 2:58 pm

Hello. I posted this on another of the "rooms" on here but not sure if I put it in the right place so I'll try here instead. I hope that's ok!
Hello, and apologies if I've put this in the wrong forum or if my post is too long, but I feel I need to get things off my chest!
I met my wife back in 2014, we had our first child in 2016, married in 2017 and had our second child in 2018!
For the last 18 months or so of the relationship, things suddenly started to break down. We would often argue and she told me towards the end of 2019 that she no longer loved me. I always loved her and so this obviously hurt me so much.
Things never improved and in late July last year (2020) she left me and moved in with her parents, also taking our daughters with her. I was devastated and then it got worse as for absolutely no reason she stopped me seeing the girls. It was getting evident that her stance in me not seeing them wouldn't change so i instructed a solicitor to help me gain access through the courts etc. After a while she would allow me to see them, but only if it was round her mum's with her or her mum supervising (again, no reason for this).
A couple of months later, my wife met a new man and they rented a new home within a couple of weeks of meeting. For about three months, while they were "getting the new place ready" up until a week before Christmas, the girls remained at their grandmother's while my wife and her partner lived in the new place. As the weeks went on, her mum started struggling to cope with the girls and eventually let me have the girls over the weekend etc. Ever since the girls moved in with their mum, I've been having them every weekend, which has been lovely. Last week was the court case (over the phone!), and unfortunately because I and my ex (she is still technically my wife) are so far apart in what outcome we are after, it has to go to a second hearing. Unfortunately I was suffering with covid, so haven't seen the girls for three weeks which has been hell. The courts gave an interim decision that I have them every weekend between now and the second hearing.
The trouble is, despite my ex treating me over the last few months like a piece of **** (she even tried telling the court that I'm a violent alcoholic, despite the fact I'd not hurt a fly and the last drink I had was one beer on Christmas day and I've never been drunk!) aswell as her new man threatening me with violence on a few occasions, I'm still really jealous and hung up over her being happy with someone new. It's obviously valentine's Day soon, and thinking of them two together while I'm in my flat all alone, lonely and totally fed up. I just want the happy, loving life where I have a partner who had a mutual love with me and my two beautiful daughters to spend more time with me, but it just all seems to be going wrong. I can't see myself ever having that happy family life with anyone again, and she has found it within weeks of leaving me. Our marriage was far from perfect. I slept on the sofa for the last 18 months, we were always bickering and arguing etc and I was deeply unhappy, but I never stopped loving her, so when she left, it hurt so much. I just don't know how or if I'll ever snap out of this, considering I've got to keep in contact with her and always see her and him together all loved up, i hate it! I quite often think that just ending it all would take away my pain, but then I think about my beautiful girls and can't bring myself to doing anything silly. But these thoughts go through my head most days. I feel such a failure for being a single dad after being married (I'm 28) while my wife is living her best, happy, loving life with someone else. The thought of them two being deeply in love, sharing the intimacy that I didn't have with her for almost two years (we didn't cuddle, kiss, hold hands or any kind of sexual intimacy for the best part of two years). I feel like my life will never get better, I'll never find that happiness and love again (who's going to want to be with a dad who's marriage has failed?!) And that maybe my children would be better off with their mum and her new partner (even though he's been pretty bad towards me) in a seemingly happy home, rather than them having to see their dad upset and down. I love them girls to bits but if I never snap out of these feelings, surely I'm not the dad they will want or need

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Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2021 10:19 pm

Re: It's all getting on top of me and I can't cope

Postby nurse93 » Sat Apr 24, 2021 11:04 am

Hi Ryan!

I believe things will get better.

Things are raw after a break up and when kids are involved you don’t have the option of cutting that person out of your life and moving on (even though there would be nothing better!) and so it’s natural that you’re struggling to move on and feeling jealous etc.

Me and my daughters dad broke up probably 6 or so years ago and so we both went through the whole getting jealous over new partners and hating each other etc (I still dislike him but I have my reasons) and I’m sure when you find someone your ex will have secret moments of jealousy also!

It’s good that your now seeing your children. You might not be there no more but you can still build a really good relationship with the girls. I think it’s really important you focus on the girls and don’t let the relationship with your ex affect your relationship with the girls!

My ex got very jealous when I moved on (he moved on first so a bit weird) and he would try to be awkward! It took him a while to accept it and be nice to my partner etc but now I got my partner and we do our thing with her... he’s got his partner and they do their thing with her on the weekend and we argue sometimes (because he’s an idiot) but on the whole it works.

It sounds like the relationship wasn’t working and I know more than anyone that even though things are shit it’s hard to end it. You might just have the girls right now but eventually you will find someone else and you will have your own little family unit... maybe she will have kids or you’ll end up with more and you can all be that family you see your ex has.

Until that happens try and enjoy your freedom... work on yourself and do things that make you happy and enjoy your girls because they grow up SO quick xx

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Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2020 12:00 pm

Re: It's all getting on top of me and I can't cope

Postby epitaph » Sun Apr 25, 2021 9:26 am

Hi nurse93,

Great post, thank you for taking the time to share your own experiences...and words of wisdom. You might not get a reply very often, but you can be sure that you tried to help someone as you can relate to what they are going through....

Hi Ryan, one thing you can be sure of is that when you are ready there are some lovely people out there...

Take care...

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