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Nocturnal Hordes

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
rocknrollgypsy
Posts: 66
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2020 1:52 am

Nocturnal Hordes

Postby rocknrollgypsy » Sun Nov 15, 2020 6:17 am

Thought I'd make a thread for all those who find themselves awake and having difficulties in the middle of the night, because I've been awake all night driving myself round the twist, playing card games on my computer, watching old episodes of a really silly TV show, etc. etc. because I need to distract myself from all the horrible things going on in my head and in the world. I don't have such a thing as a regular sleeping pattern and never had, so I often find myself awake at least part of the night. On previous sites of which I've been a member, there have been others who've struggled through the night, so hopefully this thread will be some help.

Oh, and if anyone else out there knows the band who inspired the thread title (it's a song from the album that got me into them), major kudos to you. They're not at all well known, but they should be.

tt350z1
Posts: 29
Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2020 1:12 pm

Re: Nocturnal Hordes

Postby tt350z1 » Wed Nov 18, 2020 10:50 am

Hello.

Yes, it's a crappy feeling isn't it. You feel like you're the only one on the planet awake. I too lie awake at night often. I have so much going on upstairs in my head. I think about all the things I've failed at in life. All the people I've let down or been bad to. How I don't have anyone at all in my life and I only come to the conclusion that I deserve it. What do you think about?

I despair about the world too. It's such a beautiful place but it's so broken. Everything seems to be collapsing, or to my eyes it does. But equally I despair that, no one else seems to realise it. That makes me feel even more alone and defective. What do you worry about the world?

What silly TV shows do you watch? I like a bit of silly.

Can't say I've heard of the song/band title. I youtubed it but so many possibilities came up!

rocknrollgypsy
Posts: 66
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2020 1:52 am

Re: Nocturnal Hordes

Postby rocknrollgypsy » Sun Nov 22, 2020 1:18 am

Awake in the middle of the night again.

I think about all the daft things I've said and done, worry about the world going down the pan (which it bl00dy well is, judging by how we've suddenly become a police state this year) and whether there will be anything to live for ever again. Sometimes I get health anxiety, although not about the virus because I think I had it in Jan/Feb. Other times I worry about losing the friends I don't see any more, or about the things I should've done that day, but my MH is making it harder and harder for me to get going.

Not going to open the can of worms about the silly TV shows again. With hindsight, can't believe I lost my head to the point of posting that, especially on a night when I hadn't drunk anything stronger than Vimto (and not the cheeky variety). Realised when I saw your post that I'd screwed up and there was nothing I could reply that wouldn't result in problems for me. Denial, whether truthful or mendacious, would lead to a guessing game of what I was talking about instead. Confirmation, whether honest or a fib to stop the aforementioned guessing game, would lead to unwanted attention from people with that particular predilection. Therefore decided the best course of action was to let the thread sink.

The song 'Nocturnal Hordes' is by Primitai, an excellent young metal band who don't get the attention they deserve.

tt350z1
Posts: 29
Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2020 1:12 pm

Re: Nocturnal Hordes

Postby tt350z1 » Mon Nov 23, 2020 12:06 am

I get it.

I won't say it's not a shame as it's quite interesting, your post. But, you're uncomfortable with going any further. I can honestly say I would never judge anyone as we're such complex beings and I don't think there's a right or wrong way to "be" or think, within reason and without harm to others.

But if you ever want to talk just let me know.

rocknrollgypsy
Posts: 66
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2020 1:52 am

Re: Nocturnal Hordes

Postby rocknrollgypsy » Sat Nov 28, 2020 1:32 am

Bumping because I can't sleep again.

tt350z1
Posts: 29
Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2020 1:12 pm

Re: Nocturnal Hordes

Postby tt350z1 » Thu Dec 03, 2020 9:22 pm

Do my maths coursework. Zzz.

rocknrollgypsy
Posts: 66
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2020 1:52 am

Re: Nocturnal Hordes

Postby rocknrollgypsy » Fri Dec 04, 2020 2:03 am

What kind of coursework? We had investigations for GCSE coursework, but what always drove me mad with them was when you found the answer, it said to come up with other investigations and I never quite got what it meant. I didn't carry on with it beyond GCSE as it wasn't one of my A* subjects.

rocknrollgypsy
Posts: 66
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2020 1:52 am

Re: Nocturnal Hordes

Postby rocknrollgypsy » Fri Dec 04, 2020 3:02 am

And just realised I woke up around 22:30 on Wednesday and have been awake ever since. How the hell that's happened I don't know.

c.j.
Posts: 140
Joined: Fri May 04, 2018 2:43 pm

Re: Nocturnal Hordes

Postby c.j. » Fri Dec 04, 2020 7:57 pm

I used to struggle to get to sleep often before I came across midfulness and meditation. I relax my whole body to feel heavy and do light stomach clenches (tires me out and helps stop the accelleration of weight gain!) and I'm zzzz'ing really quickly.

rocknrollgypsy
Posts: 66
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2020 1:52 am

Re: Nocturnal Hordes

Postby rocknrollgypsy » Sat Dec 05, 2020 2:28 am

I have issues with the whole mindfulness/meditation malarkey. For one thing, it's associated with people demanding that I take deep breaths when they had driven me to meltdown so they didn't have to deal with the consequences of their own behaviour. For another, I think the proponents have got it all backwards. Experiencing things so awesome they make you live in the moment is something to aim for. Trying to live in the moment of at best banal, at worst dreadful things is counterproductive and leads to the Chekhovian horror whereby people start to consider the unacceptable OK.


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