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Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
deb1960
Posts: 1840
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby deb1960 » Tue Jun 11, 2019 11:03 am

That sounds promising andthistoo.

Not the same but until I met my first husband at 19, I saw men in a potential. relationship role. There were men who I knew I wouldn't want to date, tbose I was somehow uncomfortable with.and the ones II'fancied' and couldn't speak to. Whilst I was at school I was very frightened of speaking to boys.

Deb x

betterinrecovery
Posts: 616
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 10:07 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby betterinrecovery » Sat Dec 28, 2019 9:29 am

Dear ATTMP,
thank you for sharing your diary,
really helpful.
I am usually 'in the kitchen' should you have time.
B

betterinrecovery
Posts: 616
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 10:07 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby betterinrecovery » Sun Dec 29, 2019 10:59 am

Hi again,
yes and I suppose there are many forums on Facebook e.t.c that people subscribe to.
Some forums go through a cycle of busyness and then quietness...
Wishing you what you need to manage from day to day,
B

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so sad
Posts: 254
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 1:28 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby so sad » Wed Jul 15, 2020 8:38 am

Hi

Glad the counselling went OK and its amazing how you've started to notice the impact of the self-bullying narrative. Improvement indeed.

I wish I could get to that stage - I'm a nasty self-bully and I know I'm doing it and I know its the worse thing I can do for myself but I still do it.

Its good you're starting to feel more positive :D

User avatar
so sad
Posts: 254
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 1:28 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby so sad » Tue Jul 21, 2020 3:13 pm

Hi

Hope counselling gives you some support and that it allows you to feel some of these emotions in a safe place.

xx

c.j.
Posts: 141
Joined: Fri May 04, 2018 2:43 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby c.j. » Wed Jul 29, 2020 9:37 pm

I hope your councelling was good. My partner's councelling didn't seem to do much and even seemed to make things worse. She seems to be doing a lot better these days without it. Her mother was never really a mother and still isn't. Good luck with it though.

ericph
Posts: 56
Joined: Sun Jun 07, 2020 10:57 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby ericph » Fri Aug 14, 2020 5:01 am

andthistoomustpass wrote:I now feel that I am good enough. I have intrinsic value just as I am!


That sounds like an amazing step forward.

andthistoomustpass wrote:I feel angry that I was robbed of the first half of my life


True justice rarely happens in life, and we can feel angry, but feeling angry often hurts us more than it hurts them. If you can let go of your anger, you will find a peace that surpasses all understanding, it will feel like a huge burden has been taken away. The person/s who angers you controls you, they keep you thinking about the past unhappy events. It is like you still give them permission to keep punishing you with these thoughts. Not only have they hurt your past, they also control your thoughts today. Anger can stop you being the kind and caring person you want to be.

Anger is like picking up a burning coal with the intention of throwing at the person who angers you, the person who gets burned the most is me. The longer you hold onto the burning coal of anger the hotter it becomes, it eats away inside.

You can never forget what happened in the past, but you can let go of your anger. Our anger is a choice, and there are alternative choices to anger. Life is like going across monkey bars in a kids playground. First you have to jump up and hold onto the bars, but in order to move forwards, you have to keep letting go of the past.

Just saying, I forgive you in your own mind can be the start of a journey towards recovery. You may not have the feeling of forgiveness at the start, but the more you strive towards letting go of past hurts, the easier it will become. They do not have to say sorry, this is purely for your own peace of mind and you can become the kind and caring person you want to be.

Feel free to ignore if this is not for you.

andthistoomustpass wrote:This change in point of view is HUGE for me and changes everything!


Our minds are a powerful tool like a chain saw. You have to be in control when you start the saw, you have to guide it and make it do what you want it to do. Likewise with the mind.

Take care.

ericph
Posts: 56
Joined: Sun Jun 07, 2020 10:57 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby ericph » Fri Aug 14, 2020 9:07 pm

I did say at the bottom of my reply to ignore this if it is not for you.

I hope you are able to find peace with all your thoughts.

Take care
Eric

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby andthistoomustpass » Sun Sep 12, 2021 7:39 pm

Diary Entry 12/09/21

Been off the meds for a couple of months now, gradually reduced the dose over two months prior to that. The main reasons are that I felt they were getting in the way of some emotional work and I felt my motivation may improve without them.

Current items on my agenda are,

Valuing and looking after myself myself emotionally, physically and financially. Valuing my life, putting myself first. This is rocky but I can see a way forward. Recognising I have value to other people is a related problem to be solved. I think this will be very hard but again, I see a way forward. A victory in the same area is that I have found that I am valuing myself much more intellectually, emotions are a much stranger set of beasts.

Currently reading a book by Albert Ellis, he makes a lot of sense when it comes to valuing yourself. I feel some of his philosophy filtering into my mind and making small but positive changes :).

At work, I have found myself processing emotion in the moment and responding appropriately in the moment. ie. I was offended by something a colleague said, I immediately (and without having to think about it) challenged their statement in a proportionate and professional manner and only realised afterwards. Really pleased about that, a damn good start!

A lot more work to do on this is social settings, so much harder there, perhaps because I feel more vulnerable in social settings, I know I have value at work. I am beating myself up because I didn't follow up on opportunities to, perhaps, get closer to someone. Why didn't I follow up? Because I couldn't imagine they would want to be close to me, I had already convinced myself that I had lost before the dice were rolled.

I've discovered that I convinced myself a long time ago that I did not want to compete socially as a defence against bullies. I adopted an attitude of aloofness and even convinced myself that I do not want to compete in any part of life. This is a lie I tell myself.

I also signal this madly to others, though being scruffy, people pleasing, etc. It's a massive part of my persona and a real shock to realise this isn't actually a part of me. It's an emotional defence against - not just the humiliation and violence that would be aimed at child me for failure, but the humiliation and violence I would often receive if I tried to join in or compete with others. Stay small and unthreatening, fly under the radar, don't upset anyone, stay safe. Perfectly understandable why I developed this defence, but perfectly crazy to persist with it now. This element of my persona is absolutely self defeating and I am working on dismantling it.

Identifying and addressing my urges to punish myself if things go well (or not!) I wonder how much of that is related to the preceding about the perceived importance of not upsetting anyone, about me being undeserving of anything?

Learned Helplessness. Recognising I have choices and have the ability to take action is hard. Taking action is even harder. This is a toughie, I'm posting this as a procrastination ;), but I'm actively working on it and seeing progress.

Simple example is keeping my home cleaner, if I see something that needs doing, I choose to do it then. A bigger example is that I was sick of my job so changed it. Long way to go, but Yay! for kicking learned helplessness up the backside. Don't particularly like new job but I'm working on getting what I need from it to move on again. Yay for putting myself first!

Existential dread and despair. Wow, that's a biggie :D.

The book by Albert Ellis and the ideas behind ACT are helping with this, a philosophical approach to a philosophical problem.

Nothing else to write about today.

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Emotional resilience and the impact of its lack

Postby andthistoomustpass » Sun Sep 12, 2021 7:49 pm

Wow! A whole year of my diary appears to have been deleted! Thanks SANE! Really glad I keep a back up elsewhere. I'll leave this copy as it is. If anyone has been reading any of this,thanks for sharing my journey


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