I've suffered with anxiety and depression since I was 13, I'm now 47. This year has been an exceptionally difficult year, my son got married and within 2 months decided it wasn't what he wanted and his wife was expecting their first child. Amongst all that my father in law was sent to hospital and basically we sat and watched him die for around 6 weeks. I cannot begin to explain how I feel. My head is a mess, I hurt all the time. My so. Has moved bac in with his wife and son, but now he's angry with me coz, I'm so miserable - as he puts it. I have recently started seeing a councillor, and she is amazing but I've been left with feelings for her like I've never felt before. 5 sessions on the nhs isn't enough, I feel that she can help me, but not in 5 weeks then I've lost her too. I've always been afraid of dying, but at the moment it seems my only way out.