Welcome to the forum, (not a place that any of us thought we would ever need to frequent let alone read or reply to other peoples posts...)
I don't know if you expected, wanted or wished for some form of reply, but here goes...
I am so sorry you are going through this, I recall the realisation of my rational mind recognising that something is not right and what on earth is wrong with me? Along with questioning my thoughts, feelings and emotions in an attempt to detect when these were not in fact real or can't be accurate as there was no basis for the way I was feeling. Likewise with their intensity ... Why do I feel such a strong emotion when there is no reason that I should ? The experience creating a huge sense of unease, whilst flitting from one task to another in ones brain, in starting one task which would almost immediately trigger a thought to think I should be doing something else... so draining and tiring.. Appreciating where one's behaviour is being influenced by what you are experiencing provides self insight and awareness, even if it's very difficult to control.
I hope that by writing down what you have been going through this will have helped you at least take stock (for what its worth), as to where you are and what has happened, (I share your belief with medication, rightly or wrongly I've never taken any) and also recognise that on the whole I'm ok now.
I've intentionally not provided any advice as you will work out what is best for you, others may provide some. I so hope things improve for you (and knowing that you are not alone in what you are going through), take care...
Last edited by epitaph
on Mon Oct 04, 2021 7:46 am, edited 1 time in total.