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Damaged ego

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Joined: Fri Jul 02, 2021 8:32 pm

Damaged ego

Postby bigamcmalcy » Fri Jul 02, 2021 9:00 pm

Hi. This is very unlike me to post on a forum like this and, to be honest, I feel embarrassed complaining like this as my "problem" is really very trivial but I've found that it's really consumed me in the last few months such that it's starting to affect my life in a manner that I'm not happy with. My issue is this:

I've recently relocated with my family to a different city and changed jobs. The primary motivation for doing this was because my wife was offered a fantastic career opportunity in a different city. She was also unhappy in her previous workplace because of a number of factors. My old job paid well, I'd done well and got myself into a position where I was leading a team and had significant responsibility and influence. That said, I was quite bored and also enthusiastic about changing jobs and taking on a new challenge. After moving, I have a serious dose of reality. My new job also pays well, but I'm now in a place where I'm at the bottom of the career ladder again. I'm taking orders from people with less or equivalent industry experience as myself and my ego is really hurting. I guess I kinda miss being the leader and having some actual responsibility. I know that the best way of getting myself out of this position is to work hard and excel in my new job, but in all honesty this will be really hard. I'm now competing with people who have no kids less life responsibility and just generally more enthusiasm for the entry level work we're doing. In short, I feel like I've been there, done that.

I made this choice really because it was best overall for my family and I'm happy that I didn't ruin my wife's career just to satisfy my own career aspirations, but I can't help feel that I've taken a big step backwards and I worry about my future. I don't want to be at the bottom of the ladder forever.

I don't feel like I can talk to my wife about this as I don't want to burden her with this and there's nothing she can do about it. I can't even confide in friends at the moment because of covid restrictions as all of my close friends aren't nearby.

Like I said, this is a really selfish, indulgent "problem", but it's pretty much all I can think about. I've also been short with my family and my outward personality has become very irratiable recently.

Just wondering if anyone had ever found themselves in a similar position and what they did about it?

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Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2020 12:00 pm

Re: Damaged ego

Postby epitaph » Tue Jul 27, 2021 11:41 am

Hello bigamcmalcy,

Without wishing to sound crass welcome to the forum.

If it's any consolation I never expected to find myself here either, but here I am like it or not, like others attempting to understand and manage ones thoughts, feelings and emotions in an attempt to find some form of peace and feeling of happiness from the situation that I find myself in.

Whilst I have not experienced what you are going through exactly, for me what you describe is a scenario that I can relate to. In essence a big problem that seemingly has no obvious solution, made all the more difficult as the cause is not something that one feels comfortable in discussing with ones partner. Consequently the thought, spins around and around in ones head consuming ones conscious mind to the point that it affects all manner as to who we are as a person and individual.

Trying to find relief is different for each of us, I'm aware of what works for me (engaging with other people, supporting others, always being kind, ...). I'm also aware of what caused the problem in the first place, excessive stress during lockdown 1 as a result of traumatic experiences.

Given the delay in providing a response to you, I hope that you might be feeling somewhat better, albeit I also know that these things can take a long time to recover from. Incidentally I don't think your post was selfish or embarrassing in anyway.

Take care...

Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Aug 12, 2021 7:05 pm

Re: Damaged ego

Postby eriswebmir » Thu Aug 12, 2021 7:15 pm

epitaph has some good advice there. I would also say that jobs aren't permanent. Use this one as a stepping stone, it may help to think that it serves a purpose in bringing you closer to the job that you feel fulfilled in. I've found that once you take a step back, the sense of being trapped makes it easier to get out of bed every morning, though it doesn't make everything right. Hope this helps.

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