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Leaving my child

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Joined: Sun May 02, 2021 11:54 pm

Leaving my child

Postby confusedmum » Mon May 03, 2021 12:03 am

I'm new here and would like some opinions on a decision I'm about to take. I have a one year job offer in Australia which could potentially see my career go very high. My child is almost 3 yrs old and I won't be able to go with him. It's a very complicated situation and I've tried to work out different ways I could possibly take him but it won't work out to his benefit. I also can't leave him with the father as he is currently working away from home in a different country and he won't be able to take care of our child all alone due to his nature of work. The decision I'm about to make is to leave my toddler with his grandma, uncle and aunt. He is very close to them and they care for him a lot. My only concern is what mental impact will it have on him to suddenly be away from both his parents for an entire year albeit with a loving family? Am I setting him up for mental problems later in life as I peruse my career which is of course to enable me to give him a better future?

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Joined: Sat Apr 17, 2021 6:15 pm

Re: Leaving my child

Postby ang03 » Mon May 03, 2021 3:55 pm

Hi, if your child has good relationships with the people you are leaving him with then there shouldn't be a problem as long as there is enough communication between yourself and your child. It is important for you and the father as well to take time out of your day to call or facetime your kid and allow your child to talk to you, and if in any moment your child implies that he is not comfortable, then you must take action. Kids really only will feel neglected if you ignore or try to act like their concerns aren't justified, no matter how small a child is, you must always make sure they are able to open up to you and feel safe with you. With that being said, there shouldn't be a problem as long as you sit with your child and try to explain until he understands that you will be leaving for a year. Also whenever you have any holidays, go visit your kid.

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Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2020 12:00 pm

Re: Leaving my child

Postby epitaph » Mon May 03, 2021 6:13 pm

I agree with Ang03 - (Thank you for posting...) and would add the following...

This is only a decision that you and your child's father can make (potentially after you have discussed it with your child too), the fact that you are posting here suggests that you are looking for some form of confirmation or opinion but only you can make the right decision... Whilst in eastern cultures (China) this is common place with young parents leaving the grand parents to routinely bring up very young children whilst they go away to work, this does not make it right for you.

Some things to ponder...

- Will you maintain a very close regular relationship with your child via the internet ?
- Have you given this a try/test to see how it plays out ?
- Are there any ongoing/unresolved issues that you are aware of with your child ?
- Are you strong enough to be so far away from your child for so long ?
- Are you likely to miss your child so much the entire thing becomes too painful ?
- In the years to come do you think you will be able to justify this decision ?
- It is common to hear the mantra of "I'm doing this for a better life for my children, X factor comes to mind!" But really ? is this really what your child wants or needs right now ? surely they just want to live with you and for the family (whatever its make up) has what it needs to prosper and flourish ?
- What do the grandparents really think ? is it possible that they are in agreement in order to still feel needed in bringing up your child? I'm not trying to be unkind here, I'm just making the point that there are many different angles to this entire decision along with the reasons for them...
- What about you ? Are there other reasons for going to Australia ? Are you also looking for some form of new start ? What else are you leaving behind ? (apart from wet Bank Holiday Mondays!)

Certainly a big decision...good luck

Take care...

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