I am a Newbie. Wasn`t sure what to do to vent my currant "Episode" so found this place, Hi.
My "bad side" popped up again yesterday after a med mess up sohad to go4 days without my meds. IwasIn self Isolation because I "was"supposed to be going for an Endoscopy today but after losing it yesterday following 3 nights without sleep Ihad to break my Self Isolation before the procedure to collect the meds at last yesterday so cancelled the Endoscopy. I need this Endoscopy because they found after a Bicycle crash last summer that I had a very rare form of Cancer within my Appendix. My Op is scheduled for May. I have noone who I can call a proper freind because I have moved from the slightly crazy, eccentric bracket where I was very popular. I played In a well known Band and was oneof the crowd. I crossed the line from being Crazy guy on stage to being really crazy over a period of16 yearsand into the "Oddball, weird bracket after my 1st Manic Episode along with Pyschosis when I found out my partner of 11 years and Mother to me lovely Daughter was having an affair and I ended up on the street then lost my job and literally within Months my reputation, the house that I owned, my life turned to shit within a couple of months. That fast. When Facebook started I had 1800 "Friends" I now have 4 who I dont really know. Popularity Is so fickle.
Chronic Mental Health has a revolting stench to a lot of people and they run a mile when they get a whiff of it no matter howhard you try to hide it.
After a long period of trying to stay stable yesterday all Demons came to life. I tried to call the Intensive team previously who up until a month ago I was told over andover to call if I felt suicidle. I did not call once until... I called them yesterday but didnt get a callback. I called again but was passed onto this very stern Primary care assessor. She deemed me well enough too manage. Hell knows why but I made the idiotic suicide attempt,I guess it was out out of desperation, dunno. Just wanted the shitegoing on in my head to stop. So right now I am alive but 1/2 of of me wishing I was not. Sorry about the dark nature of this post. I have noone else to talk to right now.
Last edited by ModeratingTeam
on Wed Mar 31, 2021 10:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Edited by moderators to add trigger warning and remove detail.