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jameslawrence96
Posts: 6
Joined: Thu Mar 18, 2021 12:49 am

Thoughts

Postby jameslawrence96 » Thu Mar 18, 2021 1:05 am

My life lately has really gone down the pan. My mental health has been all over the place for the last two years. I've run away multiple times and I've probably has aspergers for years and never got help for it. I struggle to talk and I have self harmed and even attempted suicide in the past. Lately I just fill really low. My partner in my relationship can no longer put up with my emotional tantrums that I am back living with my parents for thr month while she wants space which I get as shes had to deal with all of this. Lately I am feeling more and more pushed away and less loved by everyone. Su day I just was overcome with emotional and I just went out for the day to north downs way. As I walked along the coastal path to get through borstal I just thought about how much of a failure I am.how even my own partner cannot take the way i am and how i just wanted to world to just end I didnt cry I just kept walking like I was in a daze. I just decided I had to tire my body out by keep walking to stop me doing anything silly in my eyes but honestly it was the only way to drive it out of me. I went back that day and left a rose and some chocolate for her. I left that for her after not telling my partner that earlier that day I had thought about just going. With the situation as it is i felt she no longer felt as if i was worth the time of day to say that's what i was thinking. I didn't even tell my parents about it as I felt what's the point I've never been able to talk like this to you and Express how I fill. I just fill like a complete idiot for not being there for my partner and not getting myself sorted out sooner and taking out the pain of a troubled childhood and condition out on the wrong person. Now I just fill I have nothing left cause I've drove it away when really all I wanted was to be finally loved for me without a face on to protect how I was feeling. Now I fill that is gone and that she won't listen to me when I really need her to understand and listen. I don't know what to do I just realise my outbursts have caused people serious pain and I fill if I talk I'm just going to cause people pain. Sorry people just fill fine at the moment

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