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Looked to post here for over 2 years finally plucked up the courage

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baileymaker
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2020 2:01 am

Looked to post here for over 2 years finally plucked up the courage

Postby baileymaker » Thu Feb 18, 2021 11:33 pm

This is my first post.
I'm not sure where to start or what to say exactly.
I've not been feeling right for a very long time. I don't have anyone I can talk to really.
I'm a mum of three amazing and beautiful children, I should be more than I am for them.
I'm trying so hard all the time to keep going but I feel so exhausted from everything and everyone just now,
I don't know how to cope anymore, I guess it's kind of nice just to say that out loud instead of trying to fake being okay. I feel like it's an uphill struggle constantly, weve had a few years of rogue landlords and being evicted now
Even though I've always done my best to be s good tenant keep the house spotless always pay rent and bills early even though I'm struggling to put clothes on the kids backs and we still get screwed over. The landlords been trying to evict us for over a year now we're living half boxed up and no way of getting another private let due to rent increases and now cash to save up for deposits months rents in advance agency fees etc, we've only just received housing points from the council due to restrictions and we've basically been told we now have to wait for the landlord to go to tribunal as we've been good tenants they will have to send a sheriff officer to take us out of the property before they will help rehouse us. Over the past 6 months of trying every day to get some where for us to live and consistent rejection and now facing the reality of losing my job when we move as my route at woeyas a walking carer is solely reliant on where I live, I feel completely different detached from everything and everyone, I feel like someone else watching my life crumble away in front of me. No matter how much I try I can't fix any of it and now I'm giving up. I feel weird around my partner and kids now but it started off at work and with everyone else , I feel empty, I'm so tired I just want to sleep away I don't know how many times I've written this and deleted it. I've been to the drs but they don't really seem to understand how bad it feels, just citralipram and propanalol. I can't take the citralipram as I end up sleeping in for work and the propanalol makes my chest tight and hard to breathe, when I said this I was given it again. J asked for 2 weeks off work to get used to them , but I didn't get them because short staffed, I feel so on edge I know o need to take them to help me get better but I also need to work to feed my kids and pay the bills as their dad hasn't had a job in 3 years. The house is now such a mess as I've been so tired now I don't know where to begin. I have this version of my self I don't know how to get the old me back again, and that scares me most of all.

Cyprus
Posts: 400
Joined: Mon May 26, 2014 10:05 pm

Re: Looked to post here for over 2 years finally plucked up the courage

Postby Cyprus » Sun Feb 21, 2021 10:13 am

Hi well done you hardest part is to tell someone how you really feel
You have so much going on and to deal with
I have been on many meds over the years it trial and error so please try talking again with your gp try to be as honest as have you with us it also took me a while to feel safe talking with gp I spoke to different ones within the practice until I found one who I felt had empathy
Depression causes you to lose interest and motivation so try try not to be hard on yourself my saying one day at a time and if all I did was get up that’s ok xx
Just keep talking on here a bunch of people who get it x
Take care

rsxo
Posts: 1397
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:12 pm

Re: Looked to post here for over 2 years finally plucked up the courage

Postby rsxo » Sun Feb 21, 2021 10:19 am

Welcome :)
RSxo <3

lol76
Posts: 265
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2020 10:36 pm

Re: Looked to post here for over 2 years finally plucked up the courage

Postby lol76 » Sun Feb 21, 2021 8:27 pm

Hi there,

Wow you certainly have a lot on your plate to cope with. Well done for admitting you are struggling and approaching your doctor. It is hard because it takes guts to go to the doctor and open up when you only have a 10 minute slot. I imagine its even harder at the moment as most appointments are taking place over the phone. Please keep going back until you find some meds that help. It really is trial and error to find what works with you and they just might pick you up during your struggle with your house and help you cope a little more. I would also recommend speaking to somebody and finding the support you deserve. Whether its a counsellor, friend or just on here. You say you should be more than you are for your children, I think you sound an amazing mum. You are more than enough and Im sure your children love you just the way you are. Have you considered a doctors sicknote for a week or two just to give you the breathing space you need to get used to your meds? I know you say they wouldnt give you leave but your health is important...but thats your call, only you know what you truly need.

Its so so hard feeling like you do please dont ever feel alone, lots of people have felt and are feeling like you are at the moment. You are not alone xx

baileymaker
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2020 2:01 am

Re: Looked to post here for over 2 years finally plucked up the courage

Postby baileymaker » Sat Mar 13, 2021 12:59 pm

Thank you for your kind replies,
I had a bit of a brpeak down yesterday, and have told my work that I can't come in , I spoke to a cpn last night who is putting me to primary care and has wrote a letter to my Dr. She has said to me to stop work just now as I'm obviously unable to go right now and need to be on my medication. So I'm trying again . It's not gone down well with work who have told me repeatedly that I need to come in and they can't cover the shifts but I did what the cpn said, deleted my face book and didn't answer the calls after and eventually they stopped.i feel so guilty that I'm letting everyone down but I know I need the help ,
Thank you for giving me your advice band giving me the courage to ask for help again .
Hope youre all okay, thank you for being there when I needed it the most.

lol76
Posts: 265
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2020 10:36 pm

Re: Looked to post here for over 2 years finally plucked up the courage

Postby lol76 » Sat Mar 13, 2021 10:22 pm

Im so pleased you have reached out and somebody has listened. I can truly understand how worried you must feel about work but it really doesnt sound like a good responsible employer which means you have to really look after yourself even more. You are absolutely doing the right thing by taking time off and your employer should be ashamed putting pressure on you. Deal with your health first and the rest can be dealt with when you feel better. I was speaking to my counsellor this week and she works for a local mental health service and she said the referrals have gone through the roof! So I know you probably feel awful and are really struggling but please remember you are far from alone. Lots of us are struggling right now...keep checking in for chats if you need support and Im sure you will soon start feeling a bit more supported.
Sending you a hug :D

hidaso
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Mar 13, 2021 10:17 pm
Contact:

Re: Looked to post here for over 2 years finally plucked up the courage

Postby hidaso » Sat Mar 13, 2021 10:50 pm

Hi Baileymaker I'm glad to hear that you gathered the courage to expose your situation. You have already taken your first step to get out of that difficult situation you are going through.


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