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Ouch...that really hurt!

Posted: Sun Feb 07, 2021 2:15 am
by lol76
The old saying of 'sticks n stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me' came to mind tonight. During some friendly banter a friend went quite low and hurt me with a comment tonight on social media. It really hurt me and kind of winded me. Why after all this time of fighting severe depression and suicidal thoughts which has left me loosing my job is it okay to suggest that I 'do nothing all day.' I really thought this person knew me...if they did they would most definitely not said it as a 'joke.' Why are we still judged in society by how much work we do? Is there not more to a person? The fact Ive felt too ill to work the last couple of years has absolutely racked me with guilt, feelings of worthlessness and that maybe Id be better off dead. I can safely say Ive been to hell and back and so have my family trying to help me. So I really dont see how a friend can make a joke. Its easy for people who dont have a crippling fear to just get on and do something but its hard work and a heck of a challenge to take small steps when you are petrified to the point of suicide. Once again...the stigma strikes. If I had a physical illness or something like a broken leg then people wouldnt make such cruel comments as its accepted its not physically possible to go to work, but if its mental then its tough luck...you are just seen as lazy and work shy. How very wrong these people are...if only they had the slightest idea of how it feels to truly suffer with mental illness. And I dont mean just feeling a bit down...I mean true suicidal ideation, complete worthlessness and the ability to see any point to anything. Im ranting because Im so angry that I still have to justify myself, Im angry because Im desperate to be normal and get back to work, Im angry because I know Im probably working ten times harder than they work just to keep myself safe. Finally Im angry because this person is my friend :(

Re: Ouch...that really hurt!

Posted: Sun Feb 07, 2021 12:03 pm
by epitaph
AND I completely agree with everything you have so eloquently stated.

I made a mistake and was corrected/criticized the other day and it had a much bigger impact on me than I expected; thereby giving me a warning shot that I can still feel emotional pain very easily despite the efforts I've been making at recovery.

I like many hide how they are truly feeling, on the outside I might appear jovial/bright, on the inside I might be anything but. Then if someone asks how I am, I have a dilemma answer truthfully (which very much depends on the person I'm speaking to), or simply provide a stock answer of "I'm fine...." I also know if that if I give a hint that I might not be ok, so often the person I'm speaking to thinks I've got something physically wrong, ....

Take care ...

Re: Ouch...that really hurt!

Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2021 1:27 am
by heretochat
lol76 wrote:The old saying of 'sticks n stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me' came to mind tonight. During some friendly banter a friend went quite low and hurt me with a comment tonight on social media. It really hurt me and kind of winded me. Why after all this time of fighting severe depression and suicidal thoughts which has left me loosing my job is it okay to suggest that I 'do nothing all day.' I really thought this person knew me...if they did they would most definitely not said it as a 'joke.' Why are we still judged in society by how much work we do? Is there not more to a person? The fact Ive felt too ill to work the last couple of years has absolutely racked me with guilt, feelings of worthlessness and that maybe Id be better off dead. I can safely say Ive been to hell and back and so have my family trying to help me. So I really dont see how a friend can make a joke. Its easy for people who dont have a crippling fear to just get on and do something but its hard work and a heck of a challenge to take small steps when you are petrified to the point of suicide. Once again...the stigma strikes. If I had a physical illness or something like a broken leg then people wouldnt make such cruel comments as its accepted its not physically possible to go to work, but if its mental then its tough luck...you are just seen as lazy and work shy. How very wrong these people are...if only they had the slightest idea of how it feels to truly suffer with mental illness. And I dont mean just feeling a bit down...I mean true suicidal ideation, complete worthlessness and the ability to see any point to anything. Im ranting because Im so angry that I still have to justify myself, Im angry because Im desperate to be normal and get back to work, Im angry because I know Im probably working ten times harder than they work just to keep myself safe. Finally Im angry because this person is my friend :(


I totally agree with you there about you probably working ten times harder than your friend works, just to keep yourself safe. And the old saying 'sticks n stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me' of course names can hurt people.
I hope you are ok and feeling a bit better x

Re: Ouch...that really hurt!

Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2021 1:07 am
by lol76
Thanks guys...I appreciate the replies.

Epitaph...I completely understand what you mean about emotions coming back and causing self doubt. I too thought I was doing really well and felt I was starting to like myself and that I had more settled emotions. But all it took was the one sharp comment and it kind of shook me again, made me doubt my progress and kick started the self analysis and the dreaded rumination. Maybe Im just the same and havent changed how I deal with hurt...maybe I never will. But then again surely its only natural to be upset and have strong emotions. I did feel bit better about it all on Sunday and I kind of think now Im doing okay again, Im still allowed to be me and dont have to justify my life to anybody. To those people who dont understand poor MH I say until you can walk a day in somebody elses shoes then judgement should be stopped...thats how Im going to try live my life and hopefully help break down the stigma a little. You sound a good soul too Epitaph and come across as kind and understanding. Take care my friend xx

Heretochat...hi nice to hear from you too, I hope you are well? I know you understand...and you are so right 'names' can hurt so much. Take care xx

Re: Ouch...that really hurt!

Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2021 12:52 am
by heretochat
Thanks, always nice to hear from you lol76. Not too bad thank you. Yes names can and do hurt. Hope you are ok. You take care too xx

Re: Ouch...that really hurt!

Posted: Sat Mar 27, 2021 8:02 pm
by epitaph
Hi lol76,

Sorry I've only just seen your post after taking a break from forums for a while. I just needed to take a break, think about where I've got to along with the areas that I need to work on next. Set backs happen, I can't explain or understand why, but I just try to accept and recognise that it's ok these things happen now and again.

So thank you for your kind words, I try to be kind to everyone I meet in the hope that they will do the same for me.

Take care...

Re: Ouch...that really hurt!

Posted: Sun Mar 28, 2021 11:51 pm
by lol76
Welcome back epitaph :)

Re: Ouch...that really hurt!

Posted: Wed Mar 31, 2021 7:41 am
by epitaph
Thank you :)