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Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Sometimes you just need to let off steam...
ceejay11
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 11:48 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby ceejay11 » Mon Dec 07, 2020 9:49 am

Help !! I have been sexually abused in 2 previous relationships many years ago , after 13 years on my own I met a lovely guy. All was going well until he decided to mention he’s a game of thrones fan and was planning on getting a GOT tattoo sleeve , 3 male faces and one female. He had said the female would be at the top of his arm ... long story but he then went and had the women’s face on the whole bottom part of his arm !! So now I have to see it all the time . Now this may sound daft but this has triggered my ptsd to my past . I have tried to explain that sex and especially rape scenes in film make me go into shut down mode , I feel physically sick and just disgusted that he will watch them and see nothing wrong with it ! I have even gone as far as saying if he ever watches programes like GOT again I will end things !! When I explained my past he always had an answer that was for the sex scenes. IE he says the rape scences in GOT were important to the story . He now says that I only react like this because of my past and he says the sex scences etc don’t do anything for him but in my head he’s comparing me to them or I am going back to the times I was raped and yet again the feelings of not being good enough come back . I am try so hard not to do my usual and push him away so that I don’t have to confront my pure panic but have to say it’s becoming a struggle. It’s not got to the point I won’t watch any films etc with him as I am scared that if a sex scene comes on I will totally break down .

radishings
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Dec 12, 2020 8:19 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby radishings » Sun Dec 13, 2020 11:36 pm

Wow, didn't know that this was a big thing :shock:
So many stories from so many people
I'm male and have seen this from the "other side"
Long story short it does get better with time and communication
And alot of patience my heart goes out to you all

ceejay11
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 11:48 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby ceejay11 » Tue Dec 15, 2020 2:49 pm

@radishing How does it get better in time ?
I have tried to explain to my bf and all I get back is it’s just tv and it’s not real !
That doesn’t make me feel any better and the fact he has had a tattoo done of one of the GOT women that always seems to be flashing her breast certainly doesn’t help in any way as every time I see it it makes me feel awful and I am constantly thinking that’s the type of women he wants and has fantasy about .... yes I know it’s a self esteem problem but how the hell do I deal with it ??
I am 47 , have had 2 kids so my body is never going to be like the women constantly shoved in our faces within the media !
Tbh I hate being a women as I never feel good enough and feel constantly judged or as with this issue constantly being told I am insecure and jealous .

marth
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2020 7:05 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby marth » Mon Dec 21, 2020 8:09 pm

Hi
I was wondering if anyone had tried any sort of therapy for this? I've been the same for years, tried counselling but not successful, mainly because I couldn't be totally honest about it as Iwas too embarrassed to admit it!!

icetea
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Jan 10, 2021 4:49 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby icetea » Sun Jan 10, 2021 4:53 am

Sophie PLEASE write me a message! I found my other half!! How are u?? Is it better? Bevause i am just like u thats insane!

hayley1
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2021 12:45 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby hayley1 » Sat Jan 23, 2021 1:26 am

I literally made an account to reply. I thought I was the only one dealing with this and when I came across this page I didn’t feel so alone with what I’ve been going through. It’s been so hard and upsetting. I don’t want things like this to get to me and I’ve been trying to shrug it off but it won’t work. When I spoke to others about this I would be told that things like this isn’t much to worry about but I can’t help it. It really eats me inside and I cry. I have these crazy thoughts and I just feel like I’m making myself more upset. I’m turning 20 soon and I’ve been feeling like this for the past 6 months when I started questioning my partner about his past and habits. He opened up to and told me he used to watch porn but this was for a very short period before he met me and he had stopped. He promised me saying he’d try to never go back and ever since then I realise I’ve had a problem trusting him. I thought it was my fault for asking and I didn’t think it would get to me like this. I knew it was in the past so I should move on, however he watches some movies that are R rated and include a lot of nudity like breast, butts etc.. and it’s always more female nudity than Male. I know he’s watched game of thrones too which is as a lot of you mentioned has very explicit scenes. I also know he watched wolf of Wall Street which made me want to go through the scenes and I realised it had tons of topless women. Again there was no need and it just made me upset. He watches anime and reads manga too which include these unrealistic body types of women. Some anime’s and manga which fully include nude women. Now I feel he just fantises about animated women which I’ll never be able to comepete with.I also found out he used to watch rude anime too :( I just contatsntly think all this is arousing him and he’s just jerking off to these things. I feel like he will compare me to these girls in his mind, or think about them when we make love to each other. He’s such a nice guy and says he only has eyes for me and I do feel his love for me, but I just feel like I don’t fully trust him. I know it’s a me problem and I really wish I wasn’t like this but I cant help it! We’re in long distance so we normally talk online and text/call. I was never bothered with that he used to watch much until recently and now I find myself IMDb parents guiding everything before we watch shows and movies. I feel so stupid and silly about this and I just wish I didn’t care as much as I did because I just feel depressed a lot of the time now. Has anyone been able to get through feeling like this and if so how? I noticed a lot of women on here are much older than me too and I just want to give you all a hug. Just to add, we both hope to marry each other one day but how can I marry someone when I feel this insecure and especially when it’s about these things.

here
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2021 9:28 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby here » Thu Jan 28, 2021 9:30 pm

Thank you so much! I'm a bit late to reply but I've just found this thread. It's reassured me I'm not a stupid woman and that my feelings are justifiable and acceptable.

here
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2021 9:28 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby here » Thu Jan 28, 2021 9:32 pm

Hi kitty. I don't know if you still feel like this but I wanted to say thank you so much for posting. So much of what you said resonates perfectly with me!

kitty wrote:I’m glad to have come across this post, as I’ve been feeling horrid myself when watching movies with sex scenes, (lesbian scenes or naked women). It started by pointing out that, the level of nutidy for men and women is complete unequal! I feel that maybe if this became more equal and I saw more naked men in movies in a sexual way, I may feel better. But because is most of the time it’s women who are naked, It only makes me fee morel unfcomfortable. It’s never natural looking either, it’s always scenes with women with a specific body type, and perfect lighting etc etc, with the camera on them for enough time for the audience to enjoy it. It makes me feel so inadequate, especially as he never takes his eyes of the screen when a woman is naked. It really saddens me on a regular basis and we bicker over it, as it’s unavoidable in movies these days. I feel it’s understandable that we don’t enjoy our partner looking at another body, especially as ya almost always in a sexualised context.

here
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2021 9:28 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby here » Thu Jan 28, 2021 9:34 pm

Thank yooou! Agreed. I also signed up to this site for this post :)

sadgirl wrote:I just signed up so I could comment! I came across this site because I googled “I don’t like when my boyfriend watches porn” because I’m so sick of it being normalised so much, and being made to feel like I’m crazy. And then I came across this site - I have the same thoughts and feelings as you ladies. I’m 33 and it still plagues me and has done so my whole life. I’m so sick of being made to feel like it’s an illness in me, when I talk to any women I know they all hate porn and the soft porn on tV and movies and in everyday life, but they just try not to think about it or talk about it because they know they aren’t “supposed” to feel upset, and the world makes them feel crazy. Or they are too scared to be alone or confront their partners who tell them they are crazy. It’s our culture that is sick! Not us. Sure we may have anxiety and depression and whatever else, but honestly? If tables were turned on men, they too would have the same anxiety and depression. They say they don’t care but if they had to live and breathe the same objectification we do, they would be in a corner rocking. That’s what I feel like doing sometimes. I don’t want to leave the house with my boyfriend for fear of naked girls. And let me tell you, they are getting younger and younger and younger. And men are being primed to drool over younger than ever, even when they are fully grown men. It’s not normal or natural, as they like to tell us all. It’s that they have been brainwashed. Our whole society needs a clean up and overhaul of our culture.
I’m sick of feeling not good enough, I’m sick of women being reduced to body parts to lust over and to rate out of ten. Since when did sex become about objectifying a body? It’s supposed to be a special, spiritual act of self expression and love ( even if in a casual setting it should be based on two people who are attracted to the whole person! Not just a pair of tits or arse). It’s actually so depressing what sex and relationships have turned into. You’re not crazy ladies. Our culture is.

here
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2021 9:28 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby here » Thu Jan 28, 2021 9:44 pm

What you've felt is totally acceptable. Though so many places and people seem to disagree! This thread shows it isn't just us. How are you feeling about it these days?

annabelle3 wrote:I have just spent 2 hours crying because of this, then decided to google and got here. Thank you to all who commented here, at least I'm NOT alone although I could swear I was. My new boyfriend likes watching movies. I dread the thought. Today I imagined how he admires this naked actress in a sex scene. I wonder what he thinks, how impressed he is. I wish he understood it is a fake, a fantasy, tons of makeup, scalpel and photoshop work. But maybe he doesn't and he still thinks how unbelievably awesome this other woman is. I'm 35 y.o. and this has been an issue all my life, with all my partners. I'm so ashamed to speak about this - I'm deemed 'insecure' according to our society, I'm 'ill', I've got issues...! I've been going to therapy for general anxiety disorder and my psychotherapist is great but when I mentioned this specific subject she didn't understand me at all. She seems to think it's all normal for men to look at other naked women.. It kills me to not have support in her. I don't know how 'normal' women do this - sit by the man they're with and see him watch naked women having sex..in 'normal', everyday movies.. It hurts me so bad. I can't imagine speaking to my partner about this. I don't want him to have to pretend he's not looking. I just want him to not want to :( This isn't smth I'm just upset about, I just can't cope!!!


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