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01 Aug 2020 , by Caroline

You always have the right to talk

I had a really vivid dream last night. I know though that listening to other peoples dreams can sometimes seem a bit yawn so I will be quick – I was in a lift that took way too long to get to my floor and when it did I was in our town shopping centre but it was 1984. In the dream I was very excited because I knew I would be able to see my mum and great aunty (who have both since passed away) and a younger me. I woke up soon after that.

It was one of those dreams that felt so real it stayed with me for most of the day. I started to think if I really did bump into my younger self what would I say to me? What great words of wisdom would I pass on? And then it hit me – nothing. I could not think of a single good piece of advice, my mind went blank. And I really didn’t like it. Were my years between 1984 and now so pointless that there was nothing I could pass on to steer younger me and help me through any turbulent times?

Then, like a light bulb moment it all came to me. What is the most important thing I could say to a girl who was repeatedly bullied because of her weight, her “posh” voice, her “you’re too loud” attitude, her “you’re too shy” attitude, her “oh you are just being dramatic” ways?

So younger me, if you can travel forward in time, or this note sees itself back in time I would say this to you:

Everything, everything horrid, unkind, nasty, cruel that anyone says to you – it never says anything about you. It is all on them and their attitude. Their behaviour is a sign that they need to bring others down to make themselves feel better and it will never work because cruelty will never bring lasting happiness. Do not be scared of them, only pity before you walk away.

Do not let anyone’s nasty opinion mould you into a person you think people see. You are not, nor ever will be others opinions. You are you. You are your own destiny, your own choice, your own opinion.

Talk. Do not keep those shattered, shamed, embarassed feelings to yourself. Bullying in any form for any length of time is wrong. It has nothing to do with you. You have not caused it, you have not asked for it. Talk to someone you can feel comfortable talking to and can trust.

Do not let others dismiss your feelings and stop you from feeling and from talking. This is not being dramatic this is being authentic and true to yourself. You, like everyone have feelings and these feelings are valid.

You do not need to carry the responsibility of others cruel and painful actions. This is their burden not yours. Now is time to allow yourself to really believe this and put that heavy burden down for it was never yours to own.

And always remember that no matter how dark the night is, the morning will always arrive and bring light.

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