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26 Oct 2019 , by tbarrow82

Fighting the darkness

I’m currently recovering from a breakdown I had about three months ago. For those in a similar situation I have recently found an amazing woman who posts hundreds of videos on YouTube regarding her own experience of a breakdown and you can send questions in to her and she will do a video especially catered to you and the questions you have!

For me, she has provided information and tips that has been more helpful than any doctor or psychiatrist has ever given me, and I will be forever grateful for that.

Recovering from the breakdown is literally the hardest thing ever and I am really struggling to cope. I didn’t think I’d be going through this at 18/19 and am scared for what the rest of my life has in store for me. Coming to terms with having a breakdown has probably been the hardest but best thing for me at the same time. I have been able to find people who are in the exact same boat as me, and I know its cliche but it really does help when you find the right person!

Does anyone have any advice or experience regarding going back to work? I was still going back and forth to work until I reached unbearable, and I think that may have been what triggered the breakdown. I was working full time in a call centre which was a relatively new job where my managers were not supportive at all.

If I could give any advice to someone who is not coping in an unsupportive job, I would say think of yourself as sadly you are only a number in a workplace. However, your mental health is so important and if leaving a job or going on the sick is going to impact that then its not the end of the world! I think that is what I’ve struggled with the most – trying to please everyone at work instead of prioritising my mental state when I should have. I went on the sick for around two months and eventually left the job as I knew I was no where near ready to go back.

About a month ago I pushed myself into thinking I was ready for a job again, and before I knew it I had a relapse. I also left that job after 2 weeks because the pain I was experiencing inside my head was unbearable again. I knew I wasn’t ready to go back to work but I was trying to push it, to make everyone else but myself happy.

So here I am: now off work with no job to bounce back to, seeing my counsellor every week, and probably on anti depressants for the rest of my life. I have had depression for around six years since I was only 13, but it has really hit me hard this year. I know this is going to be the year that is going to shape me into a stronger person. If I was writing this blog a few months ago I would definitely not be as positive as I am being, but I guess something good has got to come out of such a shit situation?

I have learnt so much from my counsellor that I would absolutely love to share. I really think they could help people who are yet to have counselling. I would really appreciate if any of you guys want to share any experiences or tips with me that you have learnt along the way too. I would love if this blog making was a regular thing as I have a lot of spare time on my hands.

So I really hope I’ve done OK and that you’ve enjoyed reading. Thank you ! X

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