Thanks for your nice comments as always. I don't feel as bad as usual today so have the willpower to answer your question.
Firstly, I've had anxiety and depression all my life
In 2001 I thought I was a goner until venlafaxine kicked in miraculously after 6 weeks. So illness wise I've been worse than now. I learnt that at the very least you must force yourself to eat 3 times a day and keep yourself clean and shaven.
Since going to jail 3 years ago this November, I've had some terrible periods but made sure I do at least one 30 minute yoga session per day and 10-20 minutes mindfulness practice. The mindfulness took over a year before I felt any benefit but I can now sometimes but not always keep s blank mind.
The other thing was reading or listening to self help stuff, Claire Weekes is my guru.
My wife calls me e very night and best friend once weekly. So does my brother but he's not very good at giving support. Your good self and the other good people here is my other source of support. I've tried all the other MH forums and abandoned them all.
Most of the time I have little motivation and spend most of the day listening to stress relief music, mainly classical, jazz and bossa nova. I can't listen to pop any more, every song finds me too much of happier times.
And finally Im more into religion than ever before like most prisoners here. You have to believe in a God. I do weekly bible study with a Jehovah's Witness, I would never allow them to baptise me especially as I was born a Catholic but any spiritual assistance from any recognised religion is beneficial. I have no other visitors so the Jehovah's Witness buys me food and brings my medication that my wife sends him. He's a real godsend.
And believe it or not, I now get to see a real psychiatrist every month, the one before was crap and they stopped taking me to see him anyway but this woman is good and compassionate and giving me good advice
Next hearing is October 23rd so praying for a speedy resolution.
Basically, I must try to stay I'm the present moment. Past is irrelevant, future unknowable