I am finding things hard lately. really hard. over whelming and too much. I cant breathe to the point I am sick. I have a terrible feeling something bad is going to happen, and I will be at the root of it- to me or someone else. I cant get away from the panic this causes. Something so small that will have a huge Impact . for the last year I have hid played pretend and at one point last month i believed i was doing ok, and felt content. but something happened, and all these thoughts and feelings came back- this is becoming too much these last two weeks. I cannot eat because i do not deserve the satisfaction. i cannot sleep although that is all i want to do because sleeping means i cannot think any longer. i am at peace when sleeping. i can feel my mind taking over with these thoughts, i am scared of what is going to happen.
I do not know what to do, who to speak to, should i speak to someone? should i not? is it stupid? will they laugh? tell me I'm stupid? I'm making it up? will they not believe me? I'm at a loose end here.