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Anyone up? In trouble

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jelly tot
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 3:56 pm
Location: South East UK

Anyone up? In trouble

Postby jelly tot » Sat Jul 09, 2016 2:35 am

I think I have just called my wedding off three weeks before the day. Battling my head now. Self harm and suicide fill my thoughts. Trapped inside my own body. Don't know how I got to this point.
Jelly Tot Xx

A thousand words, yet none that fit what i feel today!

needtogetbetter
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2016 8:59 pm

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby needtogetbetter » Sat Jul 09, 2016 10:30 am

hello jelly tot im here if you want to talk whats made you call your wedding off and why do you think you have?

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jelly tot
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 3:56 pm
Location: South East UK

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby jelly tot » Sat Jul 09, 2016 3:49 pm

Hi

In part because I don't think she wants to marry me, we have been arguing a lot lately and last nights fight left is both in emotional shreds, things were said thay Ade me feel even more certain she doesn't want this. It doesn't help my mental healths a mess lately. My abandonment issues are really being triggered, I am no good for her, with mental health ptobs and physical health probs what do I have to offer her. A life time of being stuck with me. Knowing her dad and sister hate me. I am not sleeping well so I know its playing a part to I'm just a bloody mess, the only reason I didn't self harm etc last night is babysitting today. I'm so exhausted and wish I could chop my head off. I'm drowning and I don't even want a life jacket as I don't see a point.

Sorry its not happy convosation
Jelly Tot Xx

A thousand words, yet none that fit what i feel today!

needtogetbetter
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2016 8:59 pm

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby needtogetbetter » Sat Jul 09, 2016 4:21 pm

You dont need to apologise im here happy convo or not- i get the guilt of offloading too. How long have you been together if you dont mind me asking questions that is and how long has the wedding been planned. Getting married is a big step and can throw all sorts of emotions and feelings around whether you have mental health issues or not so try to be kind to yourself if even for a minute and tell yourself this is a stressful situation that anyone would struggle with. Have you thought of postponing the wedding at least to try ease pressure off you both so you can work through things and come to the right decision? What makes you think/know your partner doesnt want to marry you? poor mental health is evil in poisoning ourselves that we are not good enough etc etc beating ourselves up continually. I have really bad abandonment issues so i get that they are awful painful feelings to try and get through safely. Do you discuss your mental health with your partner?

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jelly tot
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 3:56 pm
Location: South East UK

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby jelly tot » Sun Jul 10, 2016 4:07 am

We have been together 6.5years and been planning this for the last year and half. I don't mind you asking questions. Things have never been this bad between us. Its so hard because she has always been there and supported me I just find explaining to her how I'm feeling soo difficult and I'm scared every time I relapse this will be the time she leaves. She gave her job up early on in the relationship to care for me were just arguing loads lately and each fight is bigger than the last. I can see I'm hurting her. Her sister is one of my triggers and she's a royal nightmare to the point if she texts my partner my back is up straight away she's a part of why were fighting so much. I love my partner beyond anything else but I don't want her trapped or stuck and when we argue it just hammers home more in support of what my thoughts are saying. I don't want to loose her but I don't want to be the reason she's hurting or upset. I'm so scared right now of my head all I can think about is self harm. On another note her dad told my partner to leave me the day he met me. Her sister I found pit this week thinks she's making a mistake marrying me.

I'm so alone and can't cry anymore I didn't know one person could cry so much. I know I'm relapsing but there is nothing I can do to stop it

Sorry
Jelly Tot Xx

A thousand words, yet none that fit what i feel today!

needtogetbetter
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2016 8:59 pm

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby needtogetbetter » Mon Jul 11, 2016 12:01 am

hey its ok this is a very emotionally dificult situation your in here. Have you outright asked your partner her feelings on the situation? could the two of you get away somewhere no triggers no phones etc to try and sort it without negative influences to see if this is what she wants?

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jelly tot
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 3:56 pm
Location: South East UK

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby jelly tot » Mon Jul 11, 2016 5:47 pm

She has told me she loves Mr wants to marry me and wants us to have a future. She wants to get married. There is no option of getting away. She told me that its her life and she's not making a mistake marrying me. I just can't get out of my head.
Jelly Tot Xx

A thousand words, yet none that fit what i feel today!

needtogetbetter
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2016 8:59 pm

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby needtogetbetter » Mon Jul 11, 2016 8:16 pm

She must be under a lot of pressure with her family so she will have second thoughts but she has been clear she wants to marry you despite all of this. She obviously sees good in you and loves you so much she is disagreeing with her family on quite a big matter and thinks you are worth marrying. I know its hard but it does sound like she wants to marry you and isnt just going along with it because its booked, the doubts are normal id say at this stage, i honestly think you have nothing to worry about in the respect of her marryig you for the wrong reasons.

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jelly tot
Posts: 298
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 3:56 pm
Location: South East UK

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby jelly tot » Wed Jul 13, 2016 8:28 pm

My head is ruining us and I can't control it. How can that be when its my head?!? I know doubts are normal at this point but most people are not suffering from mental health and desires and thoughts of self harm and suicide. I know that if I self harm etc that's us over and part of me thinks sometimes I need to do it so badly the only way I can is to end us. Her family are a big big trigger for me and I feel awful for thinking can I cope with them forever... Im struggling so much and don't know how to cope. My usual techniques etc are just simply not working. I'm soo exhausted.

God I sound horrible don't I. I'm sorry I will leave u in peace xx
Jelly Tot Xx

A thousand words, yet none that fit what i feel today!

needtogetbetter
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2016 8:59 pm

Re: Anyone up? In trouble

Postby needtogetbetter » Wed Jul 13, 2016 11:42 pm

You dont sound horrible you sound really anxious and i get why. Is there anyway you could have a word with the family explaining you know they arent happy about the marriage, tell them its made you feel awkward and for your partner you feel its the right thing to do (you dont have to go into all the details) - i know your saying they dislike you but if you arent hurting her then they have no right to force their opinions its really unfair of them. I understand you want to ruin it to save the pain (i think like this too) but try to hold off on the urges, keep thinking positive psychology over and over tell yourself positive psychology and focus on the fact that she wants to marry you and concentrate on having a happy marriage keep making yourself think those positives and when the negatives come try forcing them away with the positive thoughts you have to be determined though, im doing this at the moment to help me through a bad stage in life and im trying not to allow the negative thoughts to come through and then think about them excessively to the point i destroy myself iv had a few good days too whilst iv been doing this, apparently its a scientific fact that positive psychology can deter negative thinking and dwelling on something that hurts you. Protect yourself from overthinking.


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