Falling Apart

[kassy582]

hi all,
so i am diagnosed with bipolar and i can deal with that but i also think that i have something else, i have a tendency to create story's and to make things up, i dont know what to do, the way i am living now is a lie and i love my partner so so much, i dont know how to tell her the truth as it would break her heart and i would loose her, this i know for a fact, HELP!! its affecting me in a really bad way and if i tell my partner i think i will break down and it will affect me really bad but yet if i dont tell her its having an effect on my coz ov the pressure of the lie, aaaaarrrrrrgggghhhh i am so fuckd, dont know what to do, ive lost friends and family because of this type of stuff, i just dont want to loose my girl, i love her so much!! im fallin apart!! x

[belle]

Hello.
I'm sorry you are so stressed at the moment.
Are you able to work out what it is that you can't tell your partner?
Would it be that shocking/bad if she knew?
Perhaps she already has an idea something is wrong and bothering you?
You say you have lost friends/family before because of your issues so perhaps tackling it differently this time might be a better way forward.
If she loves you as you do her, I'd like to think you could work it out together maybe.
Not sure if any of the above is helpful - please ignore if not!
Look after yourself.

[kassy582]

im not sure about working it out, im trying to but its just so hard, it would rip her apart if i tell her, i dont want to hurt her, i told her this lie when i was on a real low and its carried on for 8 months, im not sure how much more i can take, if i loose her it will kill me, its getting that hard to deal with and stressing me out so much, i just want to die, i want to end this hurt, end the pain i course to others, i hate myself for what i have said and done!!

[belle]

Hello again.
I can hear your distress about all this.
It sounds very difficult to work through and find any kind of possible solution.
It feels like you are caught in a catch 22 situation.
Maybe if the only option apart from telling her is ending your life, it is worth risking telling her?
Is what you said so terrible?
Sometimes people say try to imagine someone else was telling you your story. Would you judge them as harshly as you are judging yourself now?
From what you have said you have been together at least 8 months. Can you try to be objective about how you think she will react if you tell her?
Sorry lots of questions - perhaps not helpful.
I don't know about bipolar -sorry - but wonder if this makes things even more difficult in the situation you are in?
I hope you can find a way forward.
Take care.

[kassy582]

i would confide it but im just scared, i have said the same as you did, but now i realize what i have said and dragged on i am disgusted, it makes me sick that i have said something so hurtful, i just dont know what to do!!!

[sprinkles]

Hi
I dont have any words of wisdom but from one person who is struggling to another just wanted to send all my positive thoughts and care. I hope you can hang in there. I know you love this person & dont want to lose them but you are worth more than that... if this person cant see your worth regardless of what you have done then you deserve better... its hard I know but there are actually loads of fish in the sea & yes nicer ones!!!
Take care & please be kind to yourself hope things work out really soon xx

[Aisha85]

Hi there, Im so sorry to hear about all the hardship you are facing right now. I cannot begin to imagine how you feel with this weight on your shoulders. That being said I can imagine it will consume you if you dont get it out. Does your girlfriend know about your bipolar and issues is brings into your life. I know it's cheesy but real love can survive all sorts of things. She may be hurt but Im sure if what u two have is special then it can be sorted out.

Wishing you the best of look with things : )

[Linda-Hardiman]

Hey I've just been diagnosed with rapid bipolar and completely understand! I'm sure your GF loves you and if she knows about the BP, I'm sure she will be understanding and aware of the illness. Of course she may be angry but everyone would, but I'm sure she would come around to the reasoning behind it.

Hope it works out