Mental illness can affect us all

[quality68]

its very true
mental illness affect to all of us. its broke our family relations, friends and love

[CLR86]

Hi all, Im glad that others seem to be going through similar things to me.

I currently care for my husband who has been officially diagnosed the bipolar for nearly 2 years now. It can be so difficult at times to deal with and especially when I have to deal with 2 children under 5.

I would really like to get in touch with those who are going through similar. I would love to be able I talk to someone who understands what it is like to deal the ups and downs of caring for a person with bp or similar.

Clare xx

[doghouse]

Hi, its so hard living with people with mood swings, especialy as they often chose the one they love to get angry with and blame for things. After reading the posts, my problem is not too bad, but it is still wearing me out, as I am a happy person and can deal with lots of ups and downs in life, but after an outburst from my husband, I am left feeling very down and desperate myself!

I am getting more and more desperate as my husband, knows he is being "strange" but when asked about his actions and feelings, he goes very very quiet, almost wispers that he knows what he has done. I understand he cannot help it but I want him to go to a GP, my worry is he will be "normal" on his visit IF, I can get him to go, all the things he does, most people do as we all have our off days. I try to block out his moods but he finds something to say thats particuly hurtful and as I cannot just leave the house (I run a B&B) its even harder and I am sure guests must think I am the difficult one!!

My husbands birth mother has Bi Polar and strangely enough his adoptive mother, in fact, my husband copies his mother strange behaviour when he is in a certain frame of mind, he will watch me with disgust when I am doing anything and take things from me or hoover where I am standing etc...all very strange, then he changes back, he almost says and does the same things but currently is having a bad period due to infrequent work, although we have had worse times and he has been fine.

I do think he need medication as he is very bad after a days work until he has eaten, he is also bad when worried about something, usualy money, when he turns "strange" he even pulls a different face and lifts one eyebrow, if you ask him to lift one eyebrow when in an everyday mood, he is unable too, thats one indication of his oncomming mood.

My question is, how do I get him to seek help? We do not know our Dr very well at all and although I am not to concerned about people knowing, I can understand how people do not like to be diagnosed, but these swings are having a big effect on my health and I often feel like crying the day after a bad attack. How do other people cope?

[judithj]

if he won't seek help, then you need to see your GP and get support for yourself to cope with this. partners of people with depression can develop depression themselves as it puts a strain on you. why not print-out what you have posted to take to your gp to help you explain it - you could ask your partner to go with you for support so he gets to know the gp, hugs, Judith xxx

[doghouse]

I planned to visit the GP today but not too sure of what to say, you are spot on, I am so down today but thankfuly, we have no children to worry about. I try to shut off his comments but thats hard, I asked him what I should do and he told me to say to stop being silly but that will not work as I try and try, when he comes home in that mood he will not even let me make him a cup of tea, he says "I will make it" eventualy he gets more calmer, often after food then also gets sexual and cannot understand me being a bit put off. I think he would be irrational with money etc too, but he has very little to spend anyway.
I truely think he needs medication and I worry how he comes across to other people, jobs are difficult enough to get and he only does agency work so we never know from one day to the next.

[judithj]

there could be a physical problem that needs investigating: since food (or lack of it) seems to affect his moods, i'd suggest that screening him for diabetes might be a good idea. low blood sugar can cause irritability and changed moods. he may be more willing to go to the gp if he sees it as a possible physical problem - wait until he has eaten before raising it, hugs, Judith xxx

[CLR86]

Hi Doghouse, I can complete understand where you are coming from. Being blamed for something that is either out of your hands or completely irrational is horrible. Although my husband is medicated now he has only been for the last 18months they are still trying to find a good balance.

I'm glad that I am not the only one in this sort of situation, though its not a good thing to been in this situation and so difficult to talk to someone that could completely change their mood at the drop of a hat.

Hope things get easier for you soon

Clare x

[doghouse]

I wonder if its a medical thing as well, although he has previously some deep depressions but not any that I would notice for years, we both get down about work etc and thats normal. He will be home in a mo and as its a horrid day and hes been out a while, he may well be abusive. I know how I feel around his mum, so controling and she cannot cope with things and I believe he had some bad experiences during childhood, mind you, not as bad as some people. I find he switches off all the time and cannot hear people ( a man thing but worse) and even hold his head higher and thinks he can sort everything out...we were out walking and my phone kept playing a song over and over but I did not have my glasses, he pulled it from me and said " why do I make things so complecated and..I will sort it out! " he cannot even re dial the last no on his phone and of course could not do anything, I turned it off once we came to a stop as I could not see while walking, he was very angry about nothing..thats a pretty typical one, another was he went to wipe up after I made a cup of tea and pulled out a large cloth and moaned that it was too big, why did I buy big dish clothes, he actualy put them into the trolly not me and I cut a few up into half the size and made a joke at the time, yet he blamed me and became angry, thats just about the depth of how silly and petty things get before he starts insulting me...to much milk in his tea, the house is crap etc etc......Not sure what it is but I hope to talk to him about it very very soon as after a day of his attitude, I am drained...CLR86, the hardest bit is finding some one who understands and not also blame me as he is a lovely person, thanks sooo much, may post again very soon. thanks Judith as well....shall suggest that to him for a start as he also has Dyslexia that was diagnosed very early and has a different understanding of things and can get very paranoid thinking I say things that i don;t!

[judithj]

i hope you can get him to see a gp - given that his mum is bipolar, he may be afraid to go to one because he's afraid of what he might find out. sticking head in the sand and hoping things will go away is something that people do when they have problems coping, hugs, Judith xxx

[mum]

Yes i do know what you are going through.. my son has had this for 17 years. Its a slow disintegration isnt it? He has ocd but that improved as the paranoia developed. The social anxiety is dreadful. He thinks that everyone is talking about him, and judging him. Hardly talks about any other subject, but himself. Feelings and emotions are dampened right down now, just rants about "People" talking about him. No support from doctors.... no diagnosis other than ocd and social anxiety disorder....paranoia being treated with anti physcotics but no improvement.
He has no friends ,no social life, and no full time job. He has had two out of character violent
outbursts in the last 12 mths. The thing is look at the services? Are they failing us? I googled our
entitlements from the mental health teams today... shocked. We havent recieved a quarter of the
help listed in the guidelines. We are paying for private help.... no we are not wealthy people
but desperate parents who have been failed by the system when trying to get help for our son.
Good luck ...sorry life is tough for you too. Only those who live with it understand. mxx