i really need to get this off my chest and also see if other people have had this experience. so i was very poorly in summer, really poorly in hospital sectioned and everything. then since Christmas i have been high and low and high and low. but then my meds got changed and I stabilised beginning of march. when I was high I was applying for lots of courses, then a few week ago i went to one short courses but got kicked out because i wasn't stable. BUT I was. i am stable. i have social anxiety what makes me have intrusive thoughts and i didn't have my twiddle toys to keep my hand busy. so i was scratching, but it wasn't self harm i just need to keep my hands busy at all times when i am anxious because they go to my skin and i don't notice.
so i got sent home and i told my cmht to contact them and tell them i am stable so they did but know i feel everyone is fighting to stop me getting on with my life they say im not ready, i need to take small steps. with my SA i don't like going out and i avoid everything and i mean everything i get so scared i will do something stupid that i will not go out but right now all i want to do is succeed im still young but i am getting older and all my friends are moving on with there life's. with every year the distance between me and them is getting far and far away.
i understand that i did get severely agitated and my thoughts was getting extreme like harmful but i didn't do anything and what i did do isn't how they made out (the scratching) because i want to fight all this fight now doesn't that mean i am ready.
people tell you to come to them if you are struggling and i was struggling but overreact and make everything worse.
if you tell people u are ever kicked out or get told you are being manipulative. if you don't tell anyone you can get stressed, overwhelmed, alone and can then make you unstable and ill again.
ok rant over x i abit feel calmer already