Mental illness can affect us all

[dingo]

Hi I'm new to this so please be gentle with me. My daughter has borderline personality disorder. She lives abroad so my contact with her is through e mails and phone calls. These are often distressing but worse are the times when there is no contact. Her coping strategies are drink, prescription drugs, binge eating and self harm. She sees no reason for living but says she lacks the courage to end it. Any advice to help me cope would be much appreciated

[judithj]

hi and welcome. if you follow this link http://www.sane.org.uk/AboutMentalIllne ... yDisorders it will take you to Sane's information about BPD, and also gives some other organisations which can give you information and perhaps support. when you're living at a distance, it can be difficult to support your daughter, and you need to get help if you find this stressful - don't hesitate to talk to your gp about it, hugs, Judith xxx

[dingo]

Thank you for that. I did go to a gp at my local practice she gave me a leaflet on post traumatic stress disorder and the phone number of the local mental health team. She didn't seem to think it was anything to be concerned about. When I rang the mental health team the lady I spoke to gave me some more phone numbers and said "at least it's only borderline". Not really what I needed. I have another appointment with a different gp next week. Thanks again.

[judithj]

not all gps are understanding about mh, so seeing another one is good. it's also worth looking to see if there are any support groups in your area for relatives of people with BPD so you can meet people who understand what it's like, hugs, Judith xxx

[dingo]

apparently there are no groups specifically for bp in this area but I have got several other possible help lines to check out. Just feel so helpless at the moment.

[judithj]

i can understand that, and it must be stressful, but your daughter is an adult and makes her own choices, hugs, Judith xxx

[dingo]

I can accept that and there is not a lot I can do but I'm still her Mum and Mum's have a certain amount of responsibility. I just want her to be happy...not take her life. That would be such a waste. x

[ms4sfc]

I am a carer to my Mum who has mental health issues. I have looked after her for most of my life, which meant that I couldn't attend school or college regularly and in turn I couldn't maintain any friendships. Although I do have a part-time job, the story is the same. My life seems to consist of looking after Mum and going to work and because of circumstances, I've never had any 'real life' friends nor do I have any family members that I could talk to or could give me any support, therefore, I'm very alone most of the time. This has led to me having feelings of depression and as I'm a shy person, I am anxious and not confident around people. I don't know whether anyone else here is in a very similar situation to me, and who can relate to what I'm saying. I've come to this on-line forum as I hope it will offer an opportunity for me to 'talk' to and share views with others who are experiencing a similar thing, as I'm not confident talking face-to-face with people.

[nikkijack1]

Hi all i'm new to this, really need some help/support/advice.
My husband is suffering from depression, no diagnosis as he wont go and see anyone, he is suicidal, drinks alot and is taking drugs, when he does this we dont see him for days! He says he cant talk to anyone and he needs to deal with it and bring himself out of it on his own, it has been 2 years now of this and for the sake of our children i cant carry on being there for him, Pretending that everything is ok for the children and our friends etc has become impossible. He has said that if i speak to anyone he'll never forgive me and will disappear forever, He says he doesn't care anymore about anything and that there is no way out of the situation he is in, I know deep down he doesn't want to die but things have got so bad he feels there is no other options. He has become abbusive and nasty when he is hungover and on a come down from the drugs but always feel bed for his behaviour but there is only so much you can take and there has to become a point where enough is enough i need to be strong for the sake of the kids but not sure how much more i can take! I love him so much he is my best friend and husband but has that man gone?? What can i do to help him??

[innis]

Hi nikkijack

I am glad to see a recent post as many are out of date. Your situation sounds desparate and with all due respect, for the sake of your children and personal well being its time to think of yourself and not try and make your husband better. He sounds like he needs professional help. How long have you been together? Its hard I know as I left my husband (he was suffering from phobic obsessions and depression) with 3 young chidren after 7 years of marriage and tried to help him from a distance which was easier for me as I was myself at that point on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Living and then working on my own was better for my wellbeing and more stable for the children although whatever you do affects them in some way. I know how difficult that decision was and how much I struggled with other peoples opinions about me too.
Sadly after 11 years we did divorce but I know that I gave the marriage my best shot. That was 22 years ago and I am told that he is still the same and still aggressive and deluded. But I have managed to have a life and my children are grown up albeit with a few problems of their own but thats life I guess. They all tried to resolves things with their father but all ended up feeling sorry for him as he couldn't take an active interest in them but now they realise that he is ill.
Living separately may not be the right choice for you but it may help to look at things from a distance. I have much to share but will wait and see if you repond. Hope the storm has calmed some since you first posted?
innis