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Please reply to this. I beg in anyway just help me

Mental illness recognises no boundaries...
ricochet
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Nov 18, 2017 9:14 pm

Please reply to this. I beg in anyway just help me

Postby ricochet » Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:04 pm

One side of the story

I just want to say that I may have bipolar. that's bullshit. You people on this site are very nice compared to other sites so please help me. Also, to add, I use addictions to help me cope. Not drugs but still unhealthy things. I am trying to stop a porn, money, clothes, binge eating addiction. No one will listen to me. I'm no longer myself and I don't even give a fuck

[/u][/i][/b]Pride[/u][/i][/b]

I feel like I want to go out in the night with some friends, sitting on the roof whilst driving. I want to just go to a party and it be focused on me. Only Me. I want to look like the best. I don't care about others; they don't listen to me anyways. I wanna just have tons of people craving for me. I wish I could thrash those who cross me. I wanna be the alpha wolf. I don't give a fuck about anyone else; my mum, uncle, family or friends. Fuck them. I really really want to be in a skyscraper. I wanna just go home. I want to have anything I want. I don't care about people around me. They don't listen

Sadness

I wish I could feel numb once again. I want to go home. I'm tired. If I were numb, people would then leave me alone. I can't even be depressed for normal things like a break-up or losing friends. I can't even keep friends. And then when I do I can't even keep it stable. Please give me something so that I can have a reason for me to go without being an "attention seeker" Then I put on a fake smile. I want to be happy. All ways walking through the street, afraid of people because of what I feel about myself. I don't hate myself though. I just want to go home. I may not look it or force myself not to feel it, I need help. Please. I am not an attention seeker. I promise.

Jealousy

If celebrities go through mental illnesses or depression or anxiety, why are people around me concerned about them when I've told them that I need help. Everyone just tells me the same thing; you're still a teenager. Wait until you grow up. I really feel like running away most of the time. If I can't get the courage to do something I may regret, I should just go. And then people will see if I am truly an "attention seeker". CAMHS were happy enough to give me the label of anxiety. I don't give a shit at all. It's not it. That's why I do my own research. I am no counselor but I fucking know myself okay?

Death


Know one listens to me, I want to be. If I say anything I will get sent out of school, mum will be scared I just want to leave everyone. Fuck "ric you are a gifted nice person" because that just wants me to fight someone. A boy came across me and tried to start something. I hurt him. I didn't feel bad. He deserved it. And I swear I will hurt him even more if he crosses me again. I know myself, watch.

Death scares me but the more I do things, the more I do , the more I am no longer afraid of things that seemed dangerous. I want to go home

If no one will listen to me then I know things will go bad.

amaya
Posts: 609
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Please reply to this. I beg in anyway just help me

Postby amaya » Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:59 pm

I am listening.

Did you see the answer I gave to your other post? I am curious what you thought about it?

You seem to be feeling a whole bunch of different things at the same time. That is difficult. I have something similar a lot of the time. I noticed you start a thread with a lot of questions and tell us about yourself, then we send some answers, and then you begin another thread without telling us what you thought about what we said. I am curious if any of the answers have helped at all?

Do you see CAMHS regularly still? I think you need to go back and tell them it is more than just anxiety and that you need some regular therapy so that you can feel listened to. I think you need more support than you have right now.

What you are experiencing is more common than you would think and more normal than it feels right now. But you need to insist that someone supports you. Everyone deserves that, no matter their identity :)

I am glad you come here to talk to us, thank you for being so open about your feelings which must not be easy.

ricochet
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Nov 18, 2017 9:14 pm

Re: Please reply to this. I beg in anyway just help me

Postby ricochet » Thu Dec 07, 2017 8:07 pm

Thank you for replying. I have a counselor, not CAMHs. He does not listen to me. That's why I'm here. But then he thinks I'm not being open to him when I need help. It makes me feel like I'm the problem. If I could stop being me, I would. Even my mum is concerned with my CLINGINESS I hate being left alone my insecurity and self-image my strong STRONG UNHEALTHY Impulsive, self-destructive behavior. What gets to my mum is extreme emotional swings and Anger. Chronic feelings of emptiness. I really feel this. Last week, I told my counselor how I want to go home but it becomes a problem when I am at home. I really want to go without pain. But other times I don't so it's like i'm fighting against myself :roll: *sorry

amaya
Posts: 609
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Please reply to this. I beg in anyway just help me

Postby amaya » Thu Dec 07, 2017 10:54 pm

It is a shame that the counselor doesn't listen to you. Is he a therapist from a particular kind of therapy, a psychologist, or just someone at the school for chatting to?

If you talk to him about the same things that you talk to him about then I think you are open enough about your feelings!

You are not the problem. You have very difficult emotions. I do too so I know what that is like. We have some kind of illness that make these horrible mood swings, but it is not something wrong with us. If someone can't walk because of a car accident, nobody blames that person. It should be the same with mental struggles as physical ones.

No one should make you feel like you are the problem. You have strong needs and your counselor and your mum and all the other people in your life should be helping to make sure that those needs are met, not criticising you.

Having lots of powerful emotions can also be a great thing.. so try not to get frustrated with yourself. What is causing a difficulty now, might be a good advantage later in life when you have had some support to get a handle on it.

"my CLINGINESS I hate being left alone my insecurity and self-image my strong STRONG UNHEALTHY Impulsive, self-destructive behavior. What gets to my mum is extreme emotional swings and Anger. Chronic feelings of emptiness."
These are symptoms, not who you are as a person, but something you are feeling. That is a part of you yes, but not everything you are. I have the same issues, mine are caused by borderline personality disorder, but that doesn't mean it is the same for you, but it does mean you probably need to see someone to get a diagnosis.

"I really feel this. Last week, I told my counselor how I want to go home but it becomes a problem when I am at home. I really want to go without pain. But other times I don't so it's like i'm fighting against myself"
What you just said here is the key to the whole thing, fighting against yourself. Because your emotions are strong they are also not nice to be feeling, so you push them away, but they only come back stronger. I do this too and it is horrible. You know what you need, but you don't know how to feel safe and content when you are where you want to be.

You really don't need to say sorry.. ever. But you might want to print this thread out somewhere, or cut and paste the contents into an email to someone professional like your counsellor, or a GP. Cutting and pasting into an email could be the best option because then you can delete your username etc and then this forum will always be a private place where you can come and talk to us without anyone else being able to see. It sounds like you need an outlet like that. But the things you have said in this thread would be really helpful as a starting point for a diagnosis and getting some real help so that you don't have to go through your life feeling like you are in this fight.

Just remember.. there is nothing wrong with you. You are an awesome person, very sensitive, with lots of passion and love. It is hard to get things right when you have such strong emotions all the time. Sometimes you make mistakes, but everyone does. There will also being good reasons why you came to feel so out of balance. For me I had a lot of emotional trauma when I was young.. but everyone is different. But the point is.. we didn't choose to struggle like this and we should not feel guilty for being who we are. We do deserve to get some help with how we feel so that we can start enjoying life again.

If your counselor doesn't normally listen, tell him/her again, and again.. and if you don't get through, then just go to a doctor, any GP wherever you are registered and tell them the things you told us. Maybe use what I write if it would help them to understand what you need.

Or.. if what I said isn't useful you are welcome to ignore my advice. But at least you know you aren't alone. Lots of people struggle in the same kind of ways that you do and it is possible to get better and enjoy life again :)

teamn
Posts: 295
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Re: Please reply to this. I beg in anyway just help me

Postby teamn » Fri Dec 08, 2017 10:32 am

hi,

hows things going, i did reply on your other post, if you managed to see it

beach
Posts: 124
Joined: Sat Apr 22, 2017 6:52 pm

Re: Please reply to this. I beg in anyway just help me

Postby beach » Fri Dec 08, 2017 9:03 pm

Hi Richochet.... wonder if you are still coming by to read this, hope so.

Its a bit full on, all that you are going through. I'm not going to lie to you, its really bad when you have mental health difficulties in your teens, and they take a long time to either come to terms with (and live with as best you can), or to 'iron' themselves out.

I know people who were really off the rails who became ok, and others, myself included, who have had to learn to manage.

You sound resourceful though, and that anger isn't necessarily a bad thing, if channelled into something you enjoy and can switch off to, for example. Boxing, kite flying, cycling is big currently..... is there anything that you do that takes your mind off your situation and issues at present?

Good luck to you fella, hope to hear from you again, beach

ricochet
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Nov 18, 2017 9:14 pm

Re: Please reply to this. I beg in anyway just help me

Postby ricochet » Fri Dec 08, 2017 11:12 pm

Hey Everyone,

I want to thank you all for the support, luckily you guys helped my mood enough to send an email to my counselor. I hope things go well. I just want to say that some of you saw my other post on another board e.g. rant room. It was because I felt like the feeling was killing me and I kinda went wired and really angry. I am really happy that I can get help from you guys so I hope all goes well. Thanks.

P.S I should probably change the subject :lol:

teamn
Posts: 295
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Re: Please reply to this. I beg in anyway just help me

Postby teamn » Sat Dec 09, 2017 1:31 am

Hi

Oh my days, I smiles a great big smile when I just read your last post, that you emailed the counsellor, that great. finger and toes crossed they respond quickly, I'm sure they shall listen..just as we all listened here. I had been wondering how you were today, so really nice to see a post, ( I initially, responded to your post in the mutual support room)
No need to change subject :lol: unless you want to, talk away, or start new thread , entirely u to you. :D.

if your email to counsellor was as clear as your posts here, then I'm sure you'll get some productive response from them. when did you send the email, last week or today?

How's things at the school now? what the past week been like for you? you managing to hold it together? I hope so, hopefully sending the email and offloading on here a bit, has helped ease some of the immediate pressure you felt. and out you back in control of your situation, rather than just feeling like a bystander watching your own lie and being able to feel like you cant do anything, when in fact you can and you did!! so happy, so so happy for you.

Stay in touch

amaya
Posts: 609
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Please reply to this. I beg in anyway just help me

Postby amaya » Sat Dec 09, 2017 11:52 am

Ricochet :)
That is really great to hear.

You are welcome to talk about whatever you want so don't feel bad if you need to go back to the ranting it is always welcome. I do it myself from time to time haha

We did have a conversation in my thread and Hugo's about video games too.. so it doesn't have to be serious everytime. Do you play?

beach
Posts: 124
Joined: Sat Apr 22, 2017 6:52 pm

Re: Please reply to this. I beg in anyway just help me

Postby beach » Sat Dec 09, 2017 6:41 pm

Good on you, small steps each day, you'll get there.... just decide where you want to go! :)....keep coming back, more the merrier, and we do care. Dont worry about ranting, its a padded room that one ;) beach


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