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University life

Mental illness recognises no boundaries...
allisc49
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2016 12:14 pm

University life

Postby allisc49 » Thu Oct 20, 2016 2:14 pm

I have suffered from anxiety for most of my teenage years with it worsening by the time I reached the end of high school. I never did anything about it, I did as best as I could to hide it, and not get any help. I learnt to live with it at the back of my mind. I never wanted to get help cause I didn't want to think that there is something wrong with me. So I finished high school in April and got the news in August that I'd be going to uni in September, which meant going to another city. From the day I applied back in January, I was never fully sure that this was the right decision despite the course being really good. Initially I had decided that financially/mentally, it would be better for me just to travel to university everyday, which meant a two hour journey on both the bus and the train. However I came to terms with the fact that this would never work. So without really thinking at all, I applied to accommodation, meaning that I was definitely moving to another city. I don't think I was ever ready for this and I still amen't.

So here I am today in this new city, around 6 weeks in, and I believe this is the highest my anxiety levels have ever been. Uni has been going on for 5 weeks, and initially I thought this course was amazing and that I would love it, however as the weeks go on i am starting to doubt my decision even more. From the looks of the people on the course you need to be really outgoing and confident whereas I am shy and very to myself. This is putting thoughts into my head that this industry/course isn't for me anymore? I have made no friends despite being here for so long, so I am literally alone all the time, apart from when in classes. I have got myself a part time job, but the pay is rubbish and hours are short. I have been missing classes due to my lack of motivation and interest in the subject now, and I have done almost no work that has been assigned. I feel nervous and anxious about the work, as if I will do it wrong? My passion that I once had for the course/subject has died down although I still feel something in me that wants to still be in this industry, but my low mood with no friends or confidence is really impacting this.

I have cried most days being here with general stress, fears and anxiety, and have considered dropping out and going home on so many occasions. I miss my family, friends and pets, and the city that I am from is amazing, the one I'm at university at is not, I don't like it; another factor affecting my mood and motivation. The idea of working a gap year is so appealing and I honestly should of done this in the first place. However, I don't know if dropping out would be missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime? I worked hard to get on this course, but I feel right now isn't the right time.

Also financially I'd be in serious debt if I dropped out, I would have to pay for the accommodation until next year, when I wouldn't be living in it. This means I would have to get a job ASAP back home to pay for the accommodation. And then pay back my overdraft/student loan and then find out what happens with my tuition fees? If I was to go back to university/college in the years to come would I have to pay for 1 year? I really need help I don't know what to do. Assignments are starting soon. I am also looking to get an appointment with the university counselor. :?:

deb1960
Posts: 1835
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: University life

Postby deb1960 » Tue Oct 25, 2016 10:35 am

Sorry, I've only just seen your post.

Because of a similar experience many years ago I have a strong opinion on this, though it is only my view.

When I was 19 I went to train as a nurse. I had to leave the security of my family and the life I led. By day two I was desperately miserable. I wasn't suffering from anxiety but had very low self esteem. I coulddn't make friends and believed everyone else was super confident (unlikely but they certainly acted it). I was very much the 'runt of the litter'. I spent a great deal of time crying. It didn't occur to me to pack it in. For some reason I didn't realise it was an option. Eventually after a horrible year I did leave.

There are a few differences between us. I quickly discovered I didn't like the course and also I faced no debt. Yet I think you should leave. Your mental health is more important than any qualification. Having suffered a lot with depression and anxiety I believe fully in looking after my health, and had to give up a fantastic French course three years ago.

I don't know if you've been to the doctor regarding your anxiety but that could make a good difference and enable you to continue. Otherwise I'm not sure you'll be well enough to continue.

I know debt is a worry but I think the amount you pay back each month is tailored to your income. Regarding your course, there is every chance that when you're well enough you can go back to it. Not true with certain professions I know.

Whether you leave or not I would suggest you go to your doctor for help.

Take care,
Deb x

personlessvoid
Posts: 41
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 7:32 pm

Re: University life

Postby personlessvoid » Tue Nov 01, 2016 8:49 pm

Hi lovely,
I hope you're feeling better today/tonight.
I too had a horrible experience at uni, studying Literature. I suffer from severe depression, anxiety, ocd and psychosis and my experience ended up with me being put on suicide watch. After two leave of absences, an attempt - I decided to quit uni and I'm now working part time in a field related to the career I want. I'm also working on my application to go back to a (different uni) to study Occupational Therapy next year.

My advice to you is to get some ECF forms and list all of the work you feel unable to do on there. It'll take the pressure off you. (Before you do this, I'd advise you to go to your GP and tell them how you're feeling, and also to get an 'official' diagnosis of depression (if you haven't already, as this'll help with the ECF forms and the next piece of advice:

I'd then advise you to go to your head of department and ask for a leave of absence on medical grounds - it'll give you a chance to go home, relax, and seriously think about staying or leaving.

Always here if you need a chat xx
Personless Void

Fighting mental illness one step at a time!

personlessvoid
Posts: 41
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 7:32 pm

Re: University life

Postby personlessvoid » Tue Nov 01, 2016 8:55 pm

I've had to post a separate post as the server keeps crashing on me!

I just also wanted to say that if you know this isn't for you/making you happy, then please, please don't feel guilty for leaving. I felt extremely guilty when I first left and felt worse. I now understand that it was vital in order for me to receive better treatment and now I'm slowly on the road to recovery - receiving counselling, psychotherapy, on high dosages of medication and I'm enrolling on mental health courses. I don't feel ''happy'' but I'm in a better position to what I was when I was at uni.

I agree with Debs, your health is SO much more valuable and precious than education.

Can I ask what course you're doing?

I sincerely hope you get better soon and that you make the right decision for you xx
Personless Void

Fighting mental illness one step at a time!


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