I have suffered from anxiety for most of my teenage years with it worsening by the time I reached the end of high school. I never did anything about it, I did as best as I could to hide it, and not get any help. I learnt to live with it at the back of my mind. I never wanted to get help cause I didn't want to think that there is something wrong with me. So I finished high school in April and got the news in August that I'd be going to uni in September, which meant going to another city. From the day I applied back in January, I was never fully sure that this was the right decision despite the course being really good. Initially I had decided that financially/mentally, it would be better for me just to travel to university everyday, which meant a two hour journey on both the bus and the train. However I came to terms with the fact that this would never work. So without really thinking at all, I applied to accommodation, meaning that I was definitely moving to another city. I don't think I was ever ready for this and I still amen't.
So here I am today in this new city, around 6 weeks in, and I believe this is the highest my anxiety levels have ever been. Uni has been going on for 5 weeks, and initially I thought this course was amazing and that I would love it, however as the weeks go on i am starting to doubt my decision even more. From the looks of the people on the course you need to be really outgoing and confident whereas I am shy and very to myself. This is putting thoughts into my head that this industry/course isn't for me anymore? I have made no friends despite being here for so long, so I am literally alone all the time, apart from when in classes. I have got myself a part time job, but the pay is rubbish and hours are short. I have been missing classes due to my lack of motivation and interest in the subject now, and I have done almost no work that has been assigned. I feel nervous and anxious about the work, as if I will do it wrong? My passion that I once had for the course/subject has died down although I still feel something in me that wants to still be in this industry, but my low mood with no friends or confidence is really impacting this.
I have cried most days being here with general stress, fears and anxiety, and have considered dropping out and going home on so many occasions. I miss my family, friends and pets, and the city that I am from is amazing, the one I'm at university at is not, I don't like it; another factor affecting my mood and motivation. The idea of working a gap year is so appealing and I honestly should of done this in the first place. However, I don't know if dropping out would be missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime? I worked hard to get on this course, but I feel right now isn't the right time.
Also financially I'd be in serious debt if I dropped out, I would have to pay for the accommodation until next year, when I wouldn't be living in it. This means I would have to get a job ASAP back home to pay for the accommodation. And then pay back my overdraft/student loan and then find out what happens with my tuition fees? If I was to go back to university/college in the years to come would I have to pay for 1 year? I really need help I don't know what to do. Assignments are starting soon. I am also looking to get an appointment with the university counselor.