Depression hits (again)

[pauley]

Depression has floored me again today, felt out of sorts for a few days, but this morning it is really bad. The black dog is snarling and growling and whatever way I try to turn, it is there in my face.

Last 3 weeks I seemed to have stabilised on 30mg mirtazapine a day, the dark days were more grey and foggy, but today it just feels hopeless and very dark. No idea what triggered it, Christmas isn't a great time as it brings stuff back, maybe that is why I feel so worthless and that I have no right to be alive. I don't want to be cared for, I just want this pain to stop.

[maisi]

Pauley,

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this today, and I'm rooting for you. It feels hopeless and dark, but that's just a chemical imbalance- life, and your life, isn't really dark, and you don't always feel this bad. It's good that you know why this time of year is the toughest- it's going to be 2019 soon, and a new year.

x

[upwards-is-the-aim]

And I just want to be cared for so that my pain will stop

Funny how it works

Hang on in there mate

[maisi]

Hi pauley,

hope today wasn't quite as bad, or if it was, messages of support are a tiny comfort. Hi upwards, are you still doing walks? I went for a muddy, cold, emotional walk across the fields today- was just right in the circumstances.