Hey there, I just wanted to say that it sounds like life is tough for you right now.
1. Are you getting support to help with your children? Are other agencies involved and do you get any respite? I cannot imagine how difficult it is to give around the clock care and supervision when you are not feeling well!
2. I agree about the medication- it doesn't sound like it is helping and i don't think you should be feeling so bad after being on it for 5 years.
It also sounds like your self-esteem is very low at the moment-is your husband aware of how you are feeling-do you think you could share some of this? Do you think he is happy? why is he smoking pot?
Have you explored any alternatives to medication- i have been helped by an eclectic mixture of self-help books, counselling, online CBT, hypnosis, mindfulness and meditation (over the years!).
Just take a day at a time (even an hour at a time).
You also need to do something, anything for yourself-to make you feel better-a walk, listen to some music, meditate, read, run, swim, tea with a friend -even just for a few minutes a day.