I thought you'd be able to relate to the article.
I'm sorry you didn't receive the thank you that you deserved or the kind words you hoped for.
The more you image what life 'should' be like the less you are living the life you actually have.
Hate is a poison, feeling that hate does no favours to your mind or body. You'll be aware of that because you feel bad, tense up, it triggers a flood of emotion etc I'm still battling with some hate issues. I feel it's normal I hate certain people but what I don't want to be doing is actively hating them. Keeping that negative emotion blocked in my mind/body. Try writing why you hate them, what they did and the consequences etc and then read it out as if you are addressing them (like the conversation you didn't get to have). You'll see it makes perfect sense to hate them but does it make sense to keep it locked in your mind/body? You need to try to clear that blockage. Reduce them to nothing, not even worth the energy it takes to think about them - that takes time, you need to repeat the same message in your mind again and again about how you are worth more, you are more that what happened to you, this IS YOUR LIFE etc
It sounds as if you want to visit your fathers grave. What is more important, that you go there and see him or honor the hatred towards your mother? Do what you want to do, do something for yourself. You will have to face certain emotions but the reward is that you got to visit your father. I've noticed with anxiety it's difficult to live the life you want but that's exactly what you need to aim for. The only way out is through.
Listen it really sounds like you've been trying to cope alone for so long and it's exhausting you. Try to be mindful of that. You have a little reward centre in your brain that releases positive hormones when you achieve things. Start making a list of the things you want/need to do and make an effort to tackle them. Treat yourself to something. Think about going to the cemetery for yourself and your father (try not to bring her in to the equation). You'll need to get some fresh air, it's not healthy shutting yourself away (it just reinforces negative thought pasterns).
What kind of things did you like doing in the past? Do you have things that interest you? It's important to get out of your mind, is there a community centre near by? I'm not saying you have to commit yourself to anything but just find out what your area has to offer - a tea morning, knitting group, walking groups (very very good for you) . You'll think I don't understand suggesting such things but I do, you need to start believing something other than this suffering is possible, sometimes that means pushing yourself out of your comfort zone y'know.
I'm pleased to read you have a friend