I'm sorry to read about your struggle. Self harm is real difficult, it's really great you want help not to act on these thoughts. It's great that you have reached out instead of acting on them, that is one thing you can do to help yourself. Just to talk about it. Did something trigger? (you don't have to tell me, just yes or no if that's all you prefer to say). For example, when people aren't very kind with me that is a major trigger for me. Sometimes we can be really hard on ourselves and hurt ourselves as punishment, other times it's a way to manage more intense emotions etc. More attention we give to these demands to self harm, the more powerful it becomes and harder to control. It's not your fault you have these instructions in your mind. I just shared a link re self compassion, it would be good if you read up on the subject. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-compassion
I clean non-stop to not hurt myself, practice self compassion, go to sleep, put loud music on, I go online and look at self harm pics which make me feel so sad for the person ...y'know it just looks so wrong and you just wish they didn't do it and sometimes I'll cry and that will make me not want to do the same to myself.
There must be more to this, what you are explaining are symptoms of a bigger problem. What's causing you to feel so unsettled? Your poor mind and body are probably exhausted. Listen to calming music, have a relaxing bath, take a seat and observe your breathing. You need to calm your body down because if your mind is triggered so is your body and if you can't calm your body down your mind will stay triggered. Slow, deep, relaxing....inhale....and exhale. Focus on your breathing, your mind and body will thank you for it. https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4386/A- ... -Body.html