Hi, amazing. 25 years diagnosed with 'bipolar disorder', and I have never met anyone who can so, so succinctly put the experience into words! Thankyou, I could have been reading about my own mind.
Someone, like Plato, said 'an unexamined life isn't worth living'. Like you, my mind takes me out to the far reaches. The world outside mirrors the one within, and the mind travels across galaxies. I first saw the tear in the illusion when I was eight. That is a story in itself, a frightening experience, to look into the eye of the universe, literally. The strange thing was always that no-one around me questioned this 'thing' that we are in, ever. Until the Matrix film came along, and finally, finally, the question was put out there, 'what is it'? People are now starting to call that film a documentary.
Like you, I write, and after many years, I have a clearer view on what I think it is now. Though dont expect to get a definitive answer, because it shifts. My experience is of learning to walk a very thin rope, constantly coming down on one side, then the other. Balance between these two worlds is what you are aiming for. For them to collide. In my humble opinion, try not to fear the other world you have seen, it is as real as this one. You see the duality of all existence. Many more people are waking up to it also. The two live side by side in all things though, and create one.
It makes you different from your family, at the moment, perhaps. Maybe they too will 'come through the veil', but you cannot force them or tell them how to. It has to be their journey. Writing may be your thing - you are a light in the world that is switched on, as many believe we all will be one day. One by one.
Alcohol, addiction, stops this process, that is why it calms you. Because it is a birthing, and that is painful. I stopped drinking after watching a few documentaries on Tube about what ethanol does to our bodies. I occasionally use lorazepam in small doses to try and control it if it is causing distress or anxiety. Be aware what you put into your body, where it comes from. The animals suffer on this planet, and this is a new phenomenon. Billions die every year, they are in concentration camps. Karma will be visited on us all, as it affects our health, our environment, our planet. We can 'be the change', each one of us. This switched on way of living takes time to organise and adjust to. You will continue to change though, that is your path, accept it and go with it, or fight it. Writing is your companion, and most likely your gift.
Like you, I have been scared witless, and remain in fear often at a core level. I try to have Faith, Belief, Hope, and Trust. It is a work in progress. Not being swallowed up by it all, and seeking to retain that love which we all bring into the world. For me, that is in some ways the key.... to somehow come full circle in our lives.
Thankyou for your message, with hope, beach