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*Trig warning* Feeling very unsafe tonight

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whitefluffyclouds
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:36 pm

*Trig warning* Feeling very unsafe tonight

Postby whitefluffyclouds » Fri Dec 08, 2017 9:31 pm

*Trigger warning* Please do not read further if you feel vulnerable.





Hello,

I am feeling very depressed and suicidal tonight :( My live-in landlord has served me one months' notice to quit making me effectively homeless on 4th January. My 33rd birthday is next week and Christmas is coming up and I have no contact with my family and will potentially be on the streets. I'm very scared.

My landlord is also being very passive aggressive and emotionally manipulative for reasons unknown and will not communicate with me (and I still have to share a house with him). Tonight he invited his previous female lodger (who had my room before me) around for dinner and they had a jolly time down the pub.

I cannot stop crying. I tried to visit my local Samaritans office earlier, but felt unable to leave the house and my "landlord" has just returned. It's like living in a personal nightmare.

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: *Trig warning* Feeling very unsafe tonight

Postby amaya » Fri Dec 08, 2017 9:37 pm

Hi :)

On Monday please contact the citizen's advice bureau and tell them it is an emergency and you need to speak to a housing specialist. I am not sure he can legally only give you a month's notice, I thought it had to be two. In any case, they are your best chance for good advice.

And if it is making you feel this low please see an out of hours GP this weekend and call your regular doctor also on Monday.

That way you have some support to look forward to. And as stressful as this weekend will be, it is not the end of the story.

It sounds easy to say, and I know you feel on breaking point. But I have been nearly homeless three times now due to similar occurences and something always turned up. But starting Monday you go on a mission to find solutions. It will be okay somehow so hang on in there.

whitefluffyclouds
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:36 pm

Re: *Trig warning* Feeling very unsafe tonight

Postby whitefluffyclouds » Fri Dec 08, 2017 10:14 pm

Thanks Amaya, for reaching out and sharing. Sorry you had to experience that personally.

I have contacted the CAB (had an appoinment today) and Shelter and tried to make a homeless application at my local council yesterday. Apparently even with depression, anxiety, ME/CFS and being in the ESA support group up I'm not considered a "priority need" and would be unlikely to be housed. I've been contacting landlords, residential volunteering placements and no luck yet. Probably due to being unemployed and needing to claim housing benefit. I have been proactive anpractical all week, but tonight I just feel pathetic and vulnerable and at my wits end and totally spent.

I think my landlord might have gone away for the weekend. He came back for 10mins, left the cats some food and drove off. Hopefully, that will give me a little breathing room. I feel slightly better, but still feelng suicidal and raw from crying.

teamn
Posts: 460
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Re: *Trig warning* Feeling very unsafe tonight

Postby teamn » Sat Dec 09, 2017 1:13 am

hi

what a position your landlords put you in, that's such pressure. make sure you get your deposit back as at least you can use that for deposit for something else.

councils also should be able to assist with deposits if you find anther private accommodation, did they mention that to you. probably not, as your not effectively homeless yet. Has the landlord given you the notice to quit in writing? if he has take it to the council and get seen and registered, they wont be able to make you a priority, but your still effectively homeless and they're homeless prevention strategy is to support people to find accommodation and not be on street, many councils now, push to get people to find private accommodation and have some estate agents they work with that accept HB. not sure if I'm telling you something you already now, so I wont continue, ill wait to see what your response is.

I know things feel so scary and awful right now, housing is the worst thing for us to lose, please try and remain strong, and like Amaya said make it your mission on Monday to get proactive.

has your landlord definitely gone then, lets hope so, lets hope you get some peace and comfort over he weekend, so at least you can clear your head.

His change in attitude towards you, is probably nothing to do with you, and more to do with him and his guilt at serving you with the Notice, some people dotn know how to act, and so he's probably feeling uncomfortable himself as he knows he could have and should have done it differently. Its speculation, but Could also be why he went of to pub, and also gone out again only staying for ten minutes. Even if that's not the case, try and think of it in that way, as you've done nothing to him, so its his issues. The last thing you need is to try figure out why he's got a bee in his bonnet, just focus on you and staying strong.

its been few hours sicne you last posted, how are you feeling?

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: *Trig warning* Feeling very unsafe tonight

Postby amaya » Sat Dec 09, 2017 12:02 pm

This ain't right. I would try the citizen's advice bureau and get someone to support you through appealing decisions etc. Make complaints. Put in urgency requests.

But I know you can't do anything more until Monday so I am glad your landlord has gone to give you some rest. Try to just do nice things for yourself, rest a lot, eat nice things... you need your energy because this kind of stress makes you weary.

Do you have someone fun to hang out with for part of the weekend for a stress release? I also recommend forcing yourself to walk for at least 30m today and tomorrow because it will help your body to fight against the physical element of the low mood. Recently I was in a psychiatric hospital not knowing where I would live when I came out and I only found out at the last minute that I would have somewhere.. I think the enforced walking they had there as part of the program was the one thing that helped me to deal with everything the most. As weird as it sounds to go wandering around looking at the scenery when your life is falling apart.. it really will help even when it doesn't feel like it to start with.

You can survive. And because it feels so horrible you have a *hug* from me x

whitefluffyclouds
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:36 pm

Re: *Trig warning* Feeling very unsafe tonight

Postby whitefluffyclouds » Sat Dec 09, 2017 5:52 pm

Thank you both. It's nice to know someone out there cares and takes the time to post such helpful words of encouragement.

This morning was rough, but I have managed to shower, dress and eat something. I spent this afternoon starting to clean out my room and contacting more landlords about vacancies. As a back-up I have applied for two residential volunteering places and I have just been offered a place volunteering at a backpackers hostel 40miles away from January, if I want the position.

It's not ideal (as I still have depression/anxiety) but its a relief to know I won't have to sleep rough in cold weather and it buys me some more time to search for somewhere longer term. The stress of my situation is starting to lift slightly, enough to be a little more manageable. I will try to take on board all the advice you have given me regarding housing and self-care.

Whilst clearing up I found a quote which read "My current situation is not my final destination". I'm trying to hold onto that.

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: *Trig warning* Feeling very unsafe tonight

Postby amaya » Sun Dec 10, 2017 12:43 am

That is so nice to hear. I hope you are sleeping well tonight.. I am hoping to do that myself very soon :)

teamn
Posts: 460
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Re: *Trig warning* Feeling very unsafe tonight

Postby teamn » Sun Dec 10, 2017 2:10 am

wow, great news so quickly after feeling so low yesterday, I know its not s final destination in your journey, but he job opportunity with housing attached is a stop gap and as you said, gives you more time to look for something long term without rushing and increasing your anxiety.

such a spot on quote aswell, for the circumstances you find yourself in, hope todays ended better than yesterday for you and you got to restup or go out after clearing out your room

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: *Trig warning* Feeling very unsafe tonight

Postby amaya » Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:12 am

How are you doing?

beach
Posts: 126
Joined: Sat Apr 22, 2017 6:52 pm

Re: *Trig warning* Feeling very unsafe tonight

Postby beach » Sun Dec 10, 2017 6:05 pm

Hi there whitefluffyclouds, really sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time. Try to get out for a short walk, as Amaya said. It might not solve your problems, but it will give you more strength and stop your mood from plummeting too much. Hoping for the best for you, beach x


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