Hi guys, this so much for comments , it's hard to know what to say so I do take the comments you write with total gratitude, appreciation and love,thankyou.
Amaya:No one can give me continued or regular support, it's always just a one off, and then I'm back to square one, whvh makes me question wonder analyse ponder ruminate. Which makes me then feel even more alone, for example I was due to go and meet her today but she cancelled, it took a lot of energy in me not to take it personal and think God and everyone against me, and I stopped the thoughts from developing and running away with themselves and just realised that I have to deal with this alone.
I've done the following in my times of depression prior to it reaching abs suicide thought level and also since.
Spoke to doctors
Requested tables s
Informed health visitors
Informed family support worker
Informed social workers
Spoke to sister
Even told my son but don't expect him to support me, just to understand my mood of Depression is not to be taken personally
Informed neighbour 3 of them
And none of which has been effective
I ieven told my daughters father that I almost took overdose yesterday and nothIng (not sure what I wanted hi to do though,I guess I just want to let him know that I'm struggling.
So basically I had no problem whatsoever of talking honestly about how I feel, but now I do, as I see that I've gotten no where by informing others, It just makes me feel more isolated when they act as if I said the sky is blue, and not I'm suicidal or struggling or finding it difficult. What point in continuing to talk.
I'm at current researching if I can get injunction on my daughters father for emotional abuse ,he's a narcissist Who contributes greatly to how I felt/feel and if I could remove him from the equation and just get hito focus and communicate about our daughter that would ease pressure. Just don't know if the evidence I have or reason I have are string enough for court to accept.
Sir Hugo: you do make me laughin tough times such a gift, thankyou ..I doubt you'll haunt me though , but we could join forces and prank and haunt others..
ATTMP: wow, never met, in real life or virtually anyone that did what I'm doing, by hearing that, it gives me comfort as I know you got through it. I too appreciate you saying 'right now' ..totally understand that, and you also made me feel,less abnormal and inadequate fir feeling the way I do, as you reminded me that yes I HAVE been through a lot! Thankyou for affirming that I'm actually not weak, mad, stupid but this is possibly a natural mental emotional response of ill health based on trauma ,that comforts me also , thankyou . I'm glad you used a hundred words instead of 10,I read it over and over to let your words sink in and I'm sure I'll read again. Thankyou all for your comments..
Today I went to another friend didn't talk about how I felt, I didn't want to, I just stayed in moment of peace and spoke about general topics, nth gentlemen too deep..as I wanted a breather from myself , and for today it helped also,