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Tablets

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teamn
Posts: 460
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Tablets

Postby teamn » Wed Dec 06, 2017 12:29 am

I nearly bought tablets today, my plan was to buy pack, by pack for few days and stock them up. getting quite unnerving about the way I'm thinking now, but the thoughts are so clar and precise.. I did come to my mums, even though she and I don't have closest relationship, I came so that I could get out hostel for a bit and let y daughter have some space to crawl around. my mums pretty unempathetic and quite absorbed in funeral planning of my aunt, so its not like id tell her how ive been feeling, but I wouldn't tell her even if my aunt hadn't died. as shed really not cope and now how to support me, she's probably jut say, don't be silly an then go back to talking about herself.

as I watched a program on telly today, the conversation they had on telly made me wonder if I have low confidence after everything that happened to me, and if that's part of why I feel unmotivated and thinking these thoughts in terms of escape.

apologies if I'm not meant to write such things, I am fairly new still I guess, don't want to offend anyone, just saw safe room. so thought Id write what occurred today. if I'm not meant to write such things then please someone let e know.

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Tablets

Postby amaya » Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:13 pm

It is fine to tell us, I am glad you did.

Firstly, don't use pills. It is not a good plan. Usually it doesn't work and then you end up sick in many different and unpleasant ways and even if it works it is such a horrible way to go. It is just about the worst plan you could have if you are making plans.. make a better one. This is just more suffering.

Secondly, and sorry for sounding so businesslike it is just because I am tired, making a plan like this is a reason to make an extra appointment with whichever, doctor, psychiatrist or therapist is most in touch with what is going on with you right now, even if it is just your GP.

Thirdly, I am not surprised that you are thinking like this. With everything you are facing it is totally normal to start thinking about ways out.. but there will be a way out, with you alive, healthy and happy in the future, you just have to hang on in there for it.

Lastly, you are a caring, loving person who is more strong than you know and I have every confidence that you will come through these dark times into more shiney ones. And keep talking to us no matter if you think that it might not be right.. you are welcome here to be yourself.

Also.. you are not alone. I have many times been in thoughts like that and there is recovery to be had for both of us.. *hug*

Cyprus
Posts: 394
Joined: Mon May 26, 2014 10:05 pm

Re: Tablets

Postby Cyprus » Thu Dec 07, 2017 1:57 am

Hi teams
Keeping talking on here sorry you are having a rough time please stay safe hugs cyprus

teamn
Posts: 460
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Re: Tablets

Postby teamn » Thu Dec 07, 2017 10:50 am

hi Cyprus and Amaya,

thanks for replies and hugs

this is why my plan was to stat the process of buying and begin to stock up and take the quantity required and types required,

I use to work for a medical profession when I was much younger, for many years, quite familiar with effects of overdose with pills. but as you said it usually doesn't wok, not definitely. We evem had book a;; the different effects of them so we knew ho to treat and which was mpst catostrphic. so ive done research. no plan I ever mention is done without research. I spent 5 months while pregnant on 216 searching various way of ending life, even found a clinic in another country that you have to pay £5K to, found gas, found many and I can manage tablets.

the plan includes getting life insurance sorted so no one has to pay for funeral, I just need to ensure life insurance will cover suicide. As I said this is a process, and not something ill do today, I need to get life insurance sorted, or complete paperwork in advance so hat the coincil can give mone for cost of funeral, whih is something I found out also.


spoken over and over to GPs and doctors and everyone nothing changes, I'm obviousy still too well dressed, still in there opinion coping , still very sane lol, still humourous. so not in crisis. I'm just exhausted of talkimg and tryg to scream fr help, like I was when I first signed up, yhen thught ok, let me give the social workers a chance, ive been feeling exhausted, hopeless, helpess, unsupported, isolated for over 18b months, and allways communicatwd to everyone my wants and needs, I'm exhausted, iv not even emailed my friend or the social worker the infor theta you sent me aAmaya, because I just fosee the same bllshit, and I'm fully exhausted

back t hstel tonigh, so wont have contact for a bit..

thanks for replies

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Tablets

Postby amaya » Thu Dec 07, 2017 6:27 pm

Maybe you could print this thread out to show them. I feel that mental health professionals should know better than to look at superficial factors such as your presentation or clothing. All times that someone feels they have got to this point should be taken seriously.

Here is another *hug* from me :)

It won't last forever. Just try to keep telling yourself that. If you keep doing your best, the bad times will pass and better ones will come. Of course now it is utterly miserable, but you can make it to a day when it isn't x

sirhugo
Posts: 445
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Tablets

Postby sirhugo » Thu Dec 07, 2017 7:58 pm

((((((( )))))))))

that's my virtual hugs again :D :lol:

sorry, I cant think of anything useful or supportive to say. but have much love and hugs. hang in there

Cyprus
Posts: 394
Joined: Mon May 26, 2014 10:05 pm

Re: Tablets

Postby Cyprus » Thu Dec 07, 2017 10:24 pm

I teamn
I totally understand we have a lot in common I have been ringing Samaritans sometimes it’s good to talk and someone to listen who doesn’t judge Plese keep safe and keep talking to us we all care about you and want to help
Sending you a hug cyprus

teamn
Posts: 460
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Re: Tablets

Postby teamn » Fri Dec 08, 2017 2:12 am

hi


Apologies in advance fro the totally rubbish spelling errors, the last post was atrocious!! :?
thanks for replies, i really do enjoy getting replies :D. particularly with no phone at the moment, this is my one source of communication with people. I'm still at my mums, (god and Universe obviously supporting me somewhat, as each day something happens that means i have o stay another day, which although my relationship with um isn't the greatest, the environment is better than hostel.)

Amaya.. yep i agree, shouldn't be based on superficial diagnosis. I could be wrong, but i only assume that's what they think, as why else would i not get support from others. thanks for hug

Cyprus, with all your dealing with, i appreciate the post and empathy..hope things are moving forward for you in terms of undertakers.

Sir Hugo, :D ..that virtual hug ws so big, it made me feel warm and fuzzy :lol: ;) thankyou

teamn
Posts: 460
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Re: Tablets

Postby teamn » Fri Dec 08, 2017 2:23 am

anyway, i haven't bought any tablets yet, but my plan is still very much at for front. i did think today is it because, i forgot my antidepressants at the hostel (I've not had any for 5 days) and also I've been drinking a glass of red wine on two nights.
i mean my reality is my reality and its shit, but i wondered of the lack of antidepressant over the few days, could have this quick of an impact in my mood.
oh baby just woke for night feed, I'm off again,

oh ....wait...she rolled over again and gone back to sleep.. 8-)

yeah, today i haven't felt worse, but not better. I'm really truing hard nto to think. I feel that that's what the antidepressents do, they make things more clearer, and then i see my life for the crap it really is. Another thin i thought today, is that the majority of people around me, are so different in their normal thinking than me, dishonest (not to the extreme) but you know, for example my mum loved to be center of attention and shes control freak and is loving taking control of funeral arrangements, although each person she talks to she says I'm so stressed, i don't want to do it, but when she comes off phone or when she relates what she done for the day, she just loves the feeling that yes this is happening because of me, ive not even seen her show sadness), I'm very honest with many things, whether i like somone, whether i don't, if want yt talk, if i think you look fat in that dress lol, seriously I'm the lady who tells it as it is, in a very nice non hurtful way.. u think i have issue with trust when others pretend to be certain ways , especially when things are going well fro them, ...hope ive not lost anyone that's bothered to read it..but basically i feel the society we live in now promotes façade and fake it till you make it lifestyle, and i just don't want to exist with people in that manner, on top of everything else going on for me, i really don't have time for that BS..

rant finished if yu stayed reading that long,, and thanks

betterinrecovery
Posts: 271
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 10:07 pm

Re: Tablets

Postby betterinrecovery » Fri Dec 08, 2017 10:11 am

Dear Teamn,
thinking of you and wishing you well. I wish I could find the words to help you. I am trying to find words that might help you,
please keep safe.
Will be thinking about you today, through and hoping the best for you.
This evening I hope to write to you again.
B


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