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Really desperately lonely and nothing is getting any better

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mara
Posts: 16
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:44 pm

Really desperately lonely and nothing is getting any better

Postby mara » Mon Nov 13, 2017 10:49 pm

About a week ago I felt like I didn't want to live another day with how I felt. A few days ago I realized how I feel is like bereavement & grief- it's constant and unbearable. I still feel the same. Today has been unbearably lonely, even though I am at home with my 2 kids and husband. I still feel so lonely and isolated. Aswell as clinical depression I have Aspergers syndrome, a variety of autism. With this you go through life with the 'alone in a crowd ' feeling, unable to relate to or interact with people. I hate how this condition has made my life turn out- no social life ever, no career, no sucessful or fulfilment, no friends. All I have is my 2 children & my husband and I even feel detached from them. I just so unbearably lonely. Really can't take it anymore, I'm just constantly deeply depressed and lonely. Started on yet another new prescription drug, Mirtazapine, and I know it takes weeks to begin working but I seriously need to feel better right now. What do I do?

christabel
Posts: 1775
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 4:49 am

Re: Really desperately lonely and nothing is getting any better

Postby christabel » Mon Nov 13, 2017 11:18 pm

Sorry you are feeling lonely mara. I have often felt like that even when I have people round me. Quite a lot of the time now I am happy with my own company or that of close family.

It is hard when you have no motivation to do anything as distraction helps.
I started on mirtazapine two years ago and now I am on full dose I am coping ok. After trying a few to find what suited me mirtazapine was the best option. Stick with it and hopefully you will feel stronger soon.

Try not to be too hard on yourself. To have a husband and two children is an achievement in itself. We are our own worst critics sometimes. You are worth so much more believe me.
I don't have much in the way of advice just a bit of support because I know how it can feel. Take care. X Chris

beach
Posts: 124
Joined: Sat Apr 22, 2017 6:52 pm

Re: Really desperately lonely and nothing is getting any better

Postby beach » Tue Nov 14, 2017 8:03 pm

Hi Mara, wish you were feeling better. It is a rotten place to be. I was just wondering if there is anything you could bring into your life that would make each day a bit better. For instance, is there a craft you could start. Doing half an hour a day will take your mind off things and you will create something over time that will make you smile and give you self esteem and confidence.

You might even find that it takes you down new avenues, meet new people etc.

I do wish you all the best, and all respect and regards for creating a family. Beach x

Cyprus
Posts: 340
Joined: Mon May 26, 2014 10:05 pm

Re: Really desperately lonely and nothing is getting any better

Postby Cyprus » Thu Nov 16, 2017 12:55 am

Hi Mara
Just sending you a hug xx

mara
Posts: 16
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:44 pm

Re: Really desperately lonely and nothing is getting any better

Postby mara » Thu Nov 16, 2017 2:13 am

I can't settle or concentrate on doing or making anything - I was a crafts artist by trade a while ago, everything still here around me, items half finished & left. Cannot even read an article never mind a book. Can't listen to music. Nothing. Just completely unsettled and grief stricken is the only way I can describe this. The effort of simply typing this here is massive. Today I ignored both my kids and slept the whole day because I just couldn't cope being awake. I don't want to be awake now. Every single thing, every moment is absolute hell.

amaya
Posts: 609
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Really desperately lonely and nothing is getting any better

Postby amaya » Thu Nov 16, 2017 11:59 am

Mara what support do you have in place to help with the children?

I am only asking because if you are feeling so low that you are unable to engage well with them then whilst that is really horrible for you, to have to feel that way, you are also having a massive impact on them. When I was trying to understand about how mental health issues can develop I read a lot about how children are affected by parents who are not emotionally available to them for one reason or another. It can be potentially very hard on them. I am expecting you know this already, so I hope it is not annoying that I say it. It is more with the intention of thinking that you need things to change for you and also for them and I am wondering what that could be.

I hope reading that didn't make you feel guilty. I do not think that you are a bad parent.. a bad parent is someone who does these kind of things because they don't care. You do care and you are worried about it and talking to us about it, that makes you a good parent and I really believe that. But you are really ill and the effect on them can still be bad so that is why I asked what do you have for help with this? Whatever it is maybe you could use some extra right now. Something that will help you to get the time you need to process your own struggles and to make sure the children get what they need. Not sure what that would be exactly. Just thought maybe it would be good to talk about it.

It must be tough to deal with your own problems whilst also having children. I don't think I could do it myself right now.

mihaela
Posts: 897
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2016 12:42 am
Location: Lancashire and Moldova

Re: Really desperately lonely and nothing is getting any better

Postby mihaela » Thu Nov 16, 2017 6:19 pm

Hello Mara. You sound in a very, very low place. Keep your family close to you, and don't forget that they love you.

I can't really give any advice, even though I've been in that same place myself. Eventually it improved, but all those difficulties you speak of are so very familiar. It scares me to know that I was once just like that. I still get depressed but nothing like I used to do. I can't even tell you what caused the change - it just happened. Hopefully it will happen for you - soon.

*Hugs*

beach
Posts: 124
Joined: Sat Apr 22, 2017 6:52 pm

Re: Really desperately lonely and nothing is getting any better

Postby beach » Thu Nov 16, 2017 7:30 pm

How are you Mara? beach x

christabel
Posts: 1775
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 4:49 am

Re: Really desperately lonely and nothing is getting any better

Postby christabel » Thu Nov 16, 2017 8:57 pm

How are you Mara?

I understand what it like to want just to sleep all day through being so ill. I needed to look after my granddaughter when she was a baby and I was going through a particularly bad time. It was hard, it was like I had post natal depression. Could that be the cause of you feeling so bad?
I did reach out for more help and gradually felt better. Please try to get some help. You will be in my thoughts.

Chris

amaya
Posts: 609
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Really desperately lonely and nothing is getting any better

Postby amaya » Thu Nov 16, 2017 10:17 pm

I am worrying that my post earlier may have made you feel worse. Please translate it as: You and your children deserve help through this because being a parent whilst being ill seems super hard and I wish you all strength and I hope that some extra support comes your way x

I thought about you today :)


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