caz, that was a really affecting post and evoked painful memories of my own mum's death just over two years ago. we all have a very special relationship with our mother, as it is she that gives birth to us. people think i should be over it now but i'm not and don't feel i ever will be. i still miss her terribly and am now alone in the world apart from a cat and a brother, who lives miles away. whenever i come across her beautiful handwriting or a box of black magic, her favourite chocolate, l feel so sad. i should throw more of her stuff out but can't bring myself to as it seems like a betrayal. my sadness is compounded by the knowledge that she didn't have the happy life or son she deserved. each day i have to live with the guilt that i didn't appreciate or care enough for her and the belief that i can never achieve redemption. my Parkinson's is a fitting punishment.
losing not only your mother but also your grandparents shortly afterwards must have been an appallingly traumatic time for you. But i don't think you have anything to reproach yourself for, i.e., for not forcing your mother back into hospital, or telling your grandad the tragic news. i have, though, because as usual i was too self absorbed to notice my mum wasn't taking her heart medication. i think the only way forward is to honour the memory of our mums by trying to be the best we can. Despite your own struggles with illness,, you come on this forum to try to counsel and comfort others, and your mum would be proud of this. i think it's lovely that you try to leep her memory alive by carrrying a photo of her around in your purse and. unfortunately i have so few photos lof mine. i think the one on her bus pass is the most recent. caz, cherish your dad when he's here, but when he's gone you won't be alone as the Sane family will be here to embrace you. we love you. take care. i'll be thinking of you tomorrow. hugs xxx
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.