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My inability to admit - poems

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vitafragilis
Posts: 47
Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2015 8:48 pm

My inability to admit - poems

Postby vitafragilis » Thu Jun 11, 2015 12:37 am

I wrote these two poems about the problems I have when I meet with the mental health professionals. They criticise me for saying "I'm okay" or "I'm fine", and they get angry when I stop answering their questions and turn into a mute. I know I need to speak if I want people to understand but I wish more people understood why I don't.

Mindreader
When you ask me how I am today
Why do you believe me when I say I’m okay?
Can you not see the pain in my eyes?
The agonies that an insincere smile belies?
How can you not know what’s inside my head?
Or inside a heart that feels like lead?
Do you not know that my world is shrinking?
Do you really not know what I’m thinking?
Could it be that I need to say
Exactly how I’m feeling today?

The Words of Silence
I’m sorry for my silence - the words they scare me
For what I do not say does not have to be
In silence I can deny what is true
I don’t pass my fears on to you
The fear that I’m crazy, that I’m going mad
And the fear that deep inside I’m bad
If I don’t confess to the voices I hear
Maybe I won’t give in to the fear
If I don’t tell you the things that I see
Maybe I can pretend this isn’t me
I can fool myself for a little while
I can hide the truth behind a tentative smile
I can almost forget if I don’t tell it to you
Just for a moment I can think it’s not true
So please don’t get angry that I don’t have the words
I’m protecting myself from the pain and the hurt.
When I feel I can't endure, I remind myself that my record for getting through bad days so far is 100%, and that's pretty good.

Lou83
Posts: 177
Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2014 8:38 pm

Re: My inability to admit - poems

Postby Lou83 » Fri Jun 12, 2015 9:04 pm

Hi there,

I just wanted to say, I thought your poems were touching. They even made me well-up. I can relate to some of your feelings, and can understand the push and pull of wanting 'them' to know, but not wanting to verbalise it out loud.

I hope you're doing ok today. Can always message me if you need to talk.

Lou xx

mezzaninedoor
Posts: 1011
Joined: Tue Jun 23, 2015 5:27 pm

Re: My inability to admit - poems

Postby mezzaninedoor » Tue Jun 23, 2015 6:20 pm

Two very honest and open poems

srhbee
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 3:39 pm

Re: My inability to admit - poems

Postby srhbee » Sun Jun 28, 2015 3:56 pm

beautiful poems, really relatable. The inability to communicate is becoming a major problem for me. When I'm feeling depressed, it almost feels like I can't speak, I can't even move the muscles in my face to make an expression. Does anybody else get that? It's incredibly frustrating because I can feel myself pushing away the people that are trying to help me and I know it's putting a massive strain on my relationship. I'm not sure how to get past it.
Keep writing! x


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