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my poem book *trig* maybe

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feelingBETTERkim

Re: my poem book *trig* maybe

Postby feelingBETTERkim » Sun Jan 25, 2009 1:09 am

old poem

what would you do?

you look at her and call her a whore when she is fighting in this secret war.
you do not know what she has been through,
but with the most sincere regret I do.
I cried with her every night
but then one day she gave up the fight.
the truth of the story is that she was not a whore
it was without consent that he came through her door.
there was nothing she could do or say
he pushed her out of his way
she tried to scream and shout as loud as she could
but it didn’t do her any good.
Once everything was said and done
9 months later she had a son.
She could never get past the pain
so here in front of me she lays
there’s a hole through her head as she lies in a pool of red.
There is nothing that you can do or say For she has long gone away
What would you do?

feelingBETTERkim

Re: my poem book *trig* maybe

Postby feelingBETTERkim » Sun Jan 25, 2009 1:12 am

wrote this poem when i was about 13-14

Alone in the world

I'm so confused in a world of hate,
I just want everybody to wait
Let me grow up
Let the world roll along
Just stop all the insults
From my classmates

Is this my fate?
To forever await the end?
To scream in my head
The pain I feel so deep inside
The hurt, the names, and all the lies

I'm so confused in a world of hate,
The pain I have , so very great,
I long for the end
If only people knew
all I ever needed was just a friend

But now I see the end approaching
and now I can leave this world of insults and tormenting
and go home.

feelingBETTERkim

Re: my poem book *trig* maybe

Postby feelingBETTERkim » Sun Jan 25, 2009 1:17 am

this was written no later than that 2000 well witten about an incident no later than 2000

last ditch attempt

It calls me closer, its calls me near
"Just once and it'll be over"
Death whispers in my ear
Irresistible is its sweet entice
Staring down, which one to slice,
I observe my previous tries
My unseen hurt and earlier cries
No peace in my mind, no peace in my head
The quiet intelligent me, long since fled
Anger and rage consumes me
My minds demons bursting to be free
The walls of my cage finally cave
"Just be still, just be brave"
I slash down with an improvised knife
"Forget this world, forget my life"
Blood oozes and drips down the drain
A slight tingle but no real pain
A Calmness comes over me
My last attempt please, it's got to be
"Sc*w everyone, that's made me into this"
The very same people who I'm going to miss
Tears stream down my cheek,
My head feels heavy, I get dizzy and legs go weak
Darkness surrounds me, I get a glimpse of the abyss
I embrace the darkness, then hear a shriek...

Then nothing.... Blankness, no sound
I feel my body drifting
I hear scraping, something's stirring around
Surrounding me, I can here creatures shifting
I hear a scream, I hear a moan
I want my family, I'm all alone
I hear cry, I hear a sob
And realize it's my own
I know I have sinned, still I pray to god
"Please get me out of this hell"
I start to yell...
No sound out my mouth, only in my mind
No one to help me, no one for me to find
I've never felt so scared....
My soul finally screamed and despaired
"I give up..."


A light???
My consciousness returns
As it starts to get bright
I feel myself falling
A faint faraway voice, I hear someone calling
Brighter now, getting brighter still
I feel myself escaping from this hell
Has it been months or has it been years?
Since I was stuck in that prison,
Trapped with my fears

I open my eyes, and look around
I'm lying in a bed in a hospital gown
The worried looks on their faces makes me ashamed
Sitting and staring no one makes a sound
"Sorry" is all I say...
Nan starts crying, my granddad is sad
Finding me like that, must have been bad...
I get a kiss and a cuddle,
A pat from my gran,
My minds in a muddle
I still manage a small smile,
And close my eyes for a while,
I promise myself, from this day on and till I die
I'm going to be the best person I can
Or at least try
Like a old cliché
"Live everyday like it's the last"
Forget all the bad days, I'm leaving them in the past
The sun is shining, my dark clouds have vanished
My demons have gone, finally banished
Life is good, life is great,
Forget wallowing in self pity
I tell you, straight.

feelingBETTERkim

Re: my poem book *trig* maybe

Postby feelingBETTERkim » Sun Jan 25, 2009 3:40 pm

Don't Scream

I hear the shattering sound as I watch blue and red electric lights
Dance franticly in front of my eyes; with a static sound in my ears.
I saw the crimson drip alongside my nose and down to my lips
I taste rust and revenge; something poisonous yet empowering
Then the black veil falls and winter buries itself deep within me
But then again it was a mighty blow…

Now I am infamous amongst Blackened Hearts…
The Beating Unison Of Decay- that longs to steal my breath away
Hear my pleas and cries. But I refuse to scream out loud.

They strike out against a midnight sky weaved from desperate hopes
It’s their sickening noise that reverberates through my savage mind
And as I try to fight the wind; a burning scent assaults my nostrils.
I feel my stomach churn. A gagging feeling sets deep in my throat.
This is all too surreal…

They Taunt And Smirk. They Spit And Claw. They Rape And Defile
“Have you ever woken up in hell? Ever faced the infinite darkness?
Ever had the devil laugh at you? Ever felt his sinister touch?”

The howling and cackling fades- the voices start to drone and wan.
As reality then washes over me like a waterfall- dousing me in relief.
I wake- chilled by my own heated sweat with a scream stuck in my throat
The nightmares always break my resolve- but I’ll never scream.

feelingBETTERkim

Re: my poem book *trig* maybe

Postby feelingBETTERkim » Sun Jan 25, 2009 4:22 pm

nightmares

running away,
from the demons inside
shaking in a corner
but I cannot hide


my worst fears come to life
in the world I have made
knowing it's fake
but I am still deathly afraid


I run around one hall
to find a enemy the next
trying so hard to get away
I find myself hexed


I scream wake up
but not a word escapes my lips
frozen in fear
from my feet to my fingertips


my eyes open once
as I try to wake from this fright
just to be dragged back
into the hellish night


the colors un real
every horror so accurate
the pain of this dream
tearing into every part of it


friends become foes
bleeding my dry
tears cannot come
so I don't bother to try


I feel my heart beat
in the body I left behind
this tingaling sensition comes
that I cannot define


I have stopped breathing
I know it's come back
my body senses fear
and tries to counter act

I move my hand
while near the state of awake
clawing at my arm
until there isn't much more I can take

I take a breath in
and see my room for a seconds worth of time
slowly falling back
into my dreams sick rhyme


fighting back
just won't do
when these visions attack
they quickly subdue

my eyes opens now
as I breath with great haste
I grab at the bed rail
feeling relief as it's embraced


my sleep has ended
along with my dreams
that should be the end....
or atleast it seems

feelingBETTERkim

Re: my poem book *trig* maybe

Postby feelingBETTERkim » Fri Mar 19, 2010 2:51 am

DEATH
Deadly silence, the noise surrounds her
Emptyness, the feeling within her
Accumulated paracetamol,gathered infront of her
Times running out the hours pass by her
Hard to breath, the pain engulfs her


How do i feel?

Life goes on forever arround me
everyones happy why cant i be?
suicide and death the thoughts surround
my mind is gone. my hands are bound
vodka and paracetamol float within me
death is the only way out as far as i can see



Vodka and pills

Very down and feeling
Overly suicidal
Dieing seams to be the only way out
Kidding myself
About therapy being able to help

All alone and feeling isolated
Nobody cares, not even me
Dearest friends run when they find out your a freek

Paradice is a world without me
Illogical thoughts that
Life could be better
Lies on top of lies
Suicide is the only answer

UNTITLED

Always wanted, never loved
the fucked up mother turns to drugs.
Anger,shame and guilt the only emotions she can feel
positivity is hard,negativity seams more REAL.
Afraid to fail and let everyone down
i can't keep running, im out of ground.
Wasting there time, the noise has said
the world will be better once im dead.



sorry all just wanted to put them in my book

feelingBETTERkim

Re: my poem book *trig* maybe

Postby feelingBETTERkim » Mon Apr 05, 2010 11:36 pm

I WANT TO BE FREE

I DON’T LIKE THIS

WORLD NO MORE,
AINT EPUIPPED TO DEAL WITH IT!
NOTHING BUT PAIN AND LIES
TRAPPED WITHIN IT.

TO SCARED TO STAY AND TRY IM
OVER THE THOUGHT THAT THERAPY CAN HELP

BUYING TIME TILL ITS SAFE TO LEAVE.
EMPTY OF LOGICAL THOUGHTS AND REASONING.

FAR FROM HAPPY HEAR,
REACHING OUT FOR A NEW BEGINNING,
EACH DAY GETS HARDER AS THE WEEK MOVES ON,
EAGER TO LEAVE AND FINALLY BE FREE

I JUST WANT TO BE FREE

feelingBETTERkim

Re: my poem book *trig* maybe

Postby feelingBETTERkim » Tue Apr 06, 2010 12:31 am

THERAPY THOUGHTS AND SUICIDE


THERAPY ISNT HELPING THE
HOLLOW FEELINGS INSIDE
EDGING FURTHER AWAY FROM HUMAN EXSISTANCE
REALITLY IS BREAKING, IM LOST IN CONFUSION
ANGRY AT WHAT WAS, IS AND COULD OF BEEN
PERHAPS HAPPINESS WAS NEVER MENT FOR ME!
YEARNING FOR THE END AND SEEKING IT STILL.

THOUGHTS OF DEATH, SCREAM IN MY HEAD
HUNGRY FOR ACTION THEY’LL NEVER BE QUIET
OBEDIENTLY WAITING FOR THE CALL OF MY NUMBER
UTTERLY DISAPOINTED THAT IT HASN’T BEEN CALLED
GUTTED AT THE PROSPECT OF BEEN SUCK HEAR FOREVER
HURTING SO MUCH ABOUT
TIMES GONE BY
SURELY THERE HAS GOT TO BE A WAY OUT OF THIS MESS

APPARENTLY LIFE IS A BITCH THAT WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH
NO-ONE TO HEAR ME SHOUT AND SCREAM
DEATH IS A QUICK FIX, BUT IS IT THE SOLUTION?

SUICIDE SEAMS LIKE A GOOD IDEA,
UNDO ALL THE HARD WORK IVE DONE TO GET ME HEAR
IDEA’S OF THE DIRECTION I COULD TAKE THIS WAY OUT
CRYING, NOT KNOWING, WHY I FEEL SO BAD
INCARCERATED WITHIN MY OWN MIND
DECISIONS TO MAKE BUT I FEEL THE
END IS NIGH

feelingBETTERkim

Re: my poem book *trig* maybe

Postby feelingBETTERkim » Tue Apr 06, 2010 12:52 am

last one for tonight since they all say the same

distraction

DISTRACTING MYSELF FROM THE DARK THOUGHTS
INSIDE MY PUNNY LITTLE HEAD
SELFHARM IF NOT SUICIDE SEAMS SO APPEALING
TONIGHT, POEMS SEAM TO BE A SEMI
RELEASE. NOTHING ELSE SEAMS TO
APEAL TO MY DEPRESSION RIGHT NOW
CANT SEAM TO MAKE A DECISION ONE WAY OR THE OTHER
TINY LITTLE STEPS TO NOT GO DOWN THE DARK ROAD
INTO THE ABISS THAT WILL SWOLLOW ME WHOLE
ONWARDS TO THE NEXT POEM TO SPRING FROM MY HEAD
NO SIGN OF SLEEP TO SEND ME TO BED

feelingBETTERkim

Re: my poem book *trig* maybe

Postby feelingBETTERkim » Tue Apr 06, 2010 12:01 pm

Flashbacks

Engraved upon my eye lids.
Bright lights and fashion,
Dark nights and passion.
Burnt into my mind.
The power of memory.

Sometimes a force, that strikes,
Hits like a brick wall,
Then watch the bricks fall,
Burying me in my
Own past existance.

Of times a wave, crashing,
Memories wash over me,
Flowing, drowning me,
Overwhelming my mind,
And my heart, with the truth.

Don't shut your eyes!
You know not what you may see.
In the darkness of nothingness,
Anything may rise.

Don't shut your eyes!
Never let your mind rule your vision.
For what would we see,
If we saw ourselves?

Memory rises in darkness.
Power and gain,
Sorrow and pain.
Rising to flood me
With the darkness in me.


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