I'm in a pretty bad scenario right now, and would love to gather as much help/advise as possible. It's rather complex so please bear with me:
My Girlfriend and I met around 18 months ago, and fell in love at first sight. Within a couple of months she started asking me to move in, and after 4 - 5 months she drunkenly asked me to marry her a few times. Because we were still in early days, everything was going great as it was and we're 22-23, I was very much of the impression 'it's going great, lets just keep going like it'.
From day 1 she was always open to me about her past depression. She suffered from about the age of 14, from depression (leading to self harming), anxiety and stress, however always bottled up and never told her family/friends because she felt she would burden them. Despite this, I always encouraged communication and openness and she always felt safe confiding in me.
The first year of the relationship was great, we had some lovely holidays, her family took me in as one of their own, as did mine for her, and we just seemed to keep on growing as a couple.
Then about 6 months ago she started getting a bit down and I could see an instant change in her. At this point she almost entirely lost her libido. I encouraged her to open up to her manager and co-workers about it so that they were aware, and they were hugely sympathetic, allowing her to have half days where required, etc.
For about 3 months I felt we just about had it under control, until one day she had a breakdown, started talking about suicide, and would have attempted it one Sunday had I not stayed in the house. At this point I realised I could no longer handle it on my own, so visited her brother and told him about it. The family were soon all informed, and in absolute shock that none of them knew anything about it.
For the last 3 months she's received therapy, been on full time anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills where needed, and things kind of plodded along.
Until one weekend we had an arguement about her future work plans, and unknown to me, once I left the room she went into the bathroom and self harmed. She told me about this a couple of days later, and I was absolutely distraught, however I continued to support her.
About 3 weeks later I was going to bed and set an alarm on her phone as usual, when a message from a familiar sounding name popped up. My intrigue got the better of me, and I looked at the message chain. What I saw was messages with her offing to send this guy 'bikini pics' while she was away, saying she'd 'get naughty' with him if he was out there, and essentially borderline sexting. There were further conversations on Whatsapp and Snapchat but she had deleted these before then, so the content of these remain unknown. This is during a time that we were having sex perhaps once a month due to this 'missing libido' of hers, which seemed pretty apparent here.
Now i was understandably distraught, broke down and demanded answers to questions. During this, she broke down herself and started trying to self harm again, and said she wanted to die, lunging up to try and commit suicide, however fortunately I was able to restrain her. She described her relationship with this guy as being 'fantasy', as they'd never met, however had sexted for a fair few years in the past and he lives in the same city.
I'm sure a lot of people would think 'well what are you doing with her? Why would you put yourself through all of that?'. The answer is simple, I am madly in love with her, and I frankly can't imagine a future without her, because I can remember how incredible life was before the latest phase of depression came along. She is a beautiful, clever, passionate, caring girl who I can't believe I managed to land, so I would, and will do everything in my power to ensure we have the best chance of spending the rest of our lives together.
It turns out that she saw me as more of a carer figure than a boyfriend, and feels that I am only sticking around because she's ill, and not because I was to be with her. When I finally managed to get this through to her, she said that she needed to try and think about how she could imagine me as more of a boyfriend moving forwards. Suddenly within a week she finished with me on the spot, without allowing me to say/try/do anything to salvage this fantastic relationship. This is based on her feeling guilty that she couldn't repay my love in the same way, couldn't see me as a boyfriend, etc. She's also committed to spending around 6 months abroad from 3 weeks time, and almost used that as a 'well I've paid for that, so there's no hope for us now'.
Now this all blew up 4 days ago, and not being able to text her first thing when I wake up and last thing before I go to bed is killing me. Not being able to be with her, on date nights out or quiet nights in is killing me. Not being able to tell her that I love her is killing me. We're hopefully meeting up next week to discuss a few things, but for now I have a million and one things going through my head, what did I do wrong? what did she do wrong? what happened? was there another guy? was there more than one guy? i'm not in great shape at the moment, is she simply not attracted to me? she essentially broke up with me because i cared, how is that possible? how do you not care too much for the one you love? is there another guy basically in waiting?
I know most people would say 'give it time, she'll come round', but I just don't feel confident in this theory at all. The thought of her with another guy, whether one-off or relationship wise makes me feel physically sick, and she's been pretty 'active' in the past, as well as virtually with someone else at the end of our time, which doesn't exactly put my mind at rest.
What do I do? How do I subtly say 'please don't get with any guys in the next 6 months, I won't get with any girls, and we can see how things turn out then?' without seeming controlling and trying to make her long term commit when she clearly can't right now?! She's reluctant to commit to seeing how things are after the phase passes, because 'we don't know how long that will be', but how do I try and convince her of this?