My advice would be to make sure you and the children are well, physically and emotionally, no if's or but's this has to be your primary concern. Financially it can all be sorted out, yes its painful, yes it would come at a time when you have a world of problems to sort, but it can be sorted.
You clearly want to help your husband/partner so examine your own actions, as you can control these, and see if they (unintentionally) fan the flames. Remove some of the fuel and the fire will subside. You are not to blame, this is just advice.
You partner/husband is an adult and if he wont help himself it will be hard for you or any health care professional to help either - an alcoholic can only be helped when they recognise they have a problem. Self diagnoses is not very healthy and even the professionals get it wrong sometimes, he has to get help, professional help but he has got to want it.
The experience I base the above on:
I live with BPD and have done my whole adult life (formally diagnosed in 2012) and it has destroyed two marriages and family units, the most recent just last month. I am now estranged from all my children (the older 2 I've hardly seen over the last 10 years) and now I am 180 miles from my younger 2. I have been so angry at the world for so long I don't know anything else and I can be a bear to live with, and the guilt I feel for this only drives my condition further. I am just starting recovery from another breakdown and wonder if I'll find the strength again, fear that I'll repeat the pattern with someone new and know I have a fight for my life to try and get DBT the recognised therapy for BPD. This is a lifelong condition that at best can be managed - I want to mange it but it is so hard. If your partner/husband wont get help my prognosis for you is not good.
A piece to show your husband/partner
If you think you have BPD then go get some help, if you don't think you have BPD then go get some help. Now!
If you do not seek help and/or want to change then everything you think you hold dear you will destroy - I've lost 2 beautiful families because of my BPD. The first I was diagnosed but in mental health services. The second, only last month, ended in spectacular fashion and a section 136 with a 5 day mental health hospital visit - you do not need that sh!t in your life and neither does your loved ones, especially your loved ones!
I am fully aware of the tone above because I am trying to get your attention! Have I got it?
As a BPD sufferer my life has been chaotic, never holding down a job, sticking at anything, regular breakdowns every 5 years. I recognise the 5 year pattern now as the time when I get 'overloaded' and can no longer cope - this is a result of not being honest with myself and telling myself it will all be alright. I spend money I haven't got, don't own actions I have taken, create chaos because the only feeling I enjoy/know is pain. Then I get depressed because of the damage I do to my loved ones, especially my children, and I love them so much and being separated from them is a pain I do not enjoy. This is what you have to look forward to if you continue on your path.
Please dude go seek some help because you have a long road ahead of you and the fight of your life to get the best help possible - Dialectal Behaviour Therapy, DBT. Or don't get help and lose all you hold dear and you wont know how dear that is until it's lost.
Loves and Hugs