I don't know what to do

[dragonfly]

After 30 years of dealing with this I don't know what to do. My husband has for all this time been accusing me of having relationships with other women. He has apparently seen me with people , read things , watched me on my phone , found evidence . None of these these things have happened. I have never been unfaithful in thought word or deed since I was 15, I am now 57.
He has in the past been diagnosed as bi-polar , but he refuses to accept this, he says he is depressed because of what I do. From reading I think he has psychotic delusions.
There is no reason why anyone, doctors , family, you, should believe me, after all it would be more likely that I am doing these things than that he is seeing things.
I have always thought that one day he will see the light, realise all of it is not true and we can be happy. But I think I have been fooling myself, and this will never happen. I'm getting older, I don't want to be like this the rest of my life. He wont accept anything I say, wont take medication, it is all me.
I feel like no one has ever been in tis situation except me, no one can imagine what it is like . I have no one to turn to.

[sabriella]

Hello Dragonfly,

I'm sorry to hear you are in such a difficult situation. It's so hard when it's your husband who is ill. My husband also suffers, and has suffered paranoia and delusions in the past. I ended up having anxiety attacks myself. When it got totally out of control (He was judging the health of our relationship by the success of a radio program.) I went to marriage guidance counseling.

At first he didn't like the idea, but in the end he joined me for the sessions. It was extremely useful, and they gently reasoned with him in a way I could never do. It also helped me a great deal to look at our relationship objectively and decide what I actually wanted and what my options were.. I have made some effective changes since then which have benefited us both.

[lucym]

Hi dragonfly,

I read your post and just wanted to say I’m so sorry things have got so hard for you. Please know. You’re not alone.
If you were making it up I don’t think you would be on a forum here at Sane.
I’m not sure I am right to give you advice as I’m not in your situation, I just wanted to show you some support.
I hope you are able to decide a course of action for yourself or for both you and your husband together that feels positive.
Wishing you the very best for everything, including loving kindness.
Remember you are not alone.
L xx

[rsxo]

Hi dragonfly,

Sorry to hear what has happened. I think that something needs to be done about this, now. Asking him to see someone about his condition should be done - if he rejects, then the idea of marriage counselling could be a good idea as well. If he refuses to see someone about his condition, and refuses to accept there is any need for marriage counselling either, then it's clear this situation isn't going to change any time soon, and you won't be any happier for a while. I think that you should consider leaving - no good is done by chaining yourself to unhappiness in the slight hope that you may be happy. The decision is up to you, in the end though - whatever you decide to do, I hope that it works out well for you!x

Much love <3

[dragonfly]

Thank you. It means a lot that people understand and care. Marriage guidance isn't an option, as there is a two month waiting list, is £60 a session and is 30 miles away. He will not accept that he has a problem , he is just depressed but what I have done , in his eyes.
In 16 months time, I will be in a financial position where I can leave, which I will do. I have waited 30 years so I think I can wait for that. Making plans in my head. I have said I will go, if things aren't different, but he doesn't believe me. I have done the right thing by warning him though.