thanks for the reply.
I think although bdp may not be a choice, such as the feelings it gives you, i do believe the behaviour to act out those feelings is a choice, such as my sister choosing to be abusive to myself and my mum, but not to my aunt and uncle, who she acts totally normal to.
I suffer from anxiety and that is not a choice, the feelings are real and i have nervous tics but i am ale to control those tics in public so not to raise attention.
I guess what im getting at is the question of when is she responsible for her actions? when can she not say "my bdp made me do it"?
even people with aspergers are able to control their behaviour and actions if they have had therapy and the will to do so.