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Is BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER A CHOICE?

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
idreamer
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Mar 05, 2018 11:09 pm

Is BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER A CHOICE?

Postby idreamer » Mon Mar 05, 2018 11:16 pm

My sister was diagnosed with bpd.

I ask is it a choice because even though she is incredibly abusive to my mother and myself she acts perfectly normal around more distant family members. She basically bullies us because she knows she can.

so should we treat her for bpd or for bullying?

i've read in a books about bpd that sufferers will act differently depending on who they are with, so how can it be a mental illness when they are choosing their behaviour?

mihaela
Posts: 1073
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2016 12:42 am
Location: Lancashire and Moldova

Re: Is BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER A CHOICE?

Postby mihaela » Tue Mar 06, 2018 4:08 am

Hello and welcome!

EUPD/PBD is not a choice. Like all personality disorders they are the results of experiences in life - usually traumas - although a certain genetic disposition is present too. I'm very wary of BPD diagnoses, especially in women (who account for 75% of them). It's the most common misdiagnosis for women who actually have autism (female presentation Asperger's). This is because many of the traits are similar, and most professionals are untrained in recognising autism in women - so any treatments offered are inappropriate, and can be damaging. Autism is a lifelong neurological condition - not psychological.

This all too common misdiagnosis has ruined lives for decades - as it did with me. Obviously I'm not saying your sister is on the autism spectrum for I don't know about her other traits. You'd need look into her history of this behaviour too. The big clue is that it's directed only within the family. Girls with undiagnosed autism can come home from school and rage - the "4-o'clock explosion" - releasing their pent-up stress and anxiety that builds up throughout the school day - during which their behaviour is impeccable. They release it on those they love because they're in a safe environment. What seems like bullying could equally be an autistic frustration at being repeatedly misunderstood. It might just be that she's learnt a bad coping strategy. She may be acting in 'meltdown' mode and unable to control herself or think clearly.

idreamer
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Mar 05, 2018 11:09 pm

Re: Is BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER A CHOICE?

Postby idreamer » Tue Mar 06, 2018 4:40 am

thanks for the reply.

I think although bdp may not be a choice, such as the feelings it gives you, i do believe the behaviour to act out those feelings is a choice, such as my sister choosing to be abusive to myself and my mum, but not to my aunt and uncle, who she acts totally normal to.

I suffer from anxiety and that is not a choice, the feelings are real and i have nervous tics but i am ale to control those tics in public so not to raise attention.

I guess what im getting at is the question of when is she responsible for her actions? when can she not say "my bdp made me do it"?

even people with aspergers are able to control their behaviour and actions if they have had therapy and the will to do so.

mihaela
Posts: 1073
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2016 12:42 am
Location: Lancashire and Moldova

Re: Is BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER A CHOICE?

Postby mihaela » Tue Mar 06, 2018 11:01 am

Yes, very true. If it definitely is BPD then she should be getting DBT to help her, but if she's misdiagnosed that won't work. BPD can be managed but not cured, but it does tend to greatly improve over time, and can completely disappear - but it takes a long time. If she's using BPD as an excuse to be obnoxious then that's not right. The question then is why is she behaving like that? There must be a reason.

By the way I sometimes have tics too due to extreme stress, and can't control them even when in public.


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