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Anyone able to explain my friend’s latest behaviour ?

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Joined: Sat Dec 10, 2016 2:25 pm

Anyone able to explain my friend’s latest behaviour ?

Postby gary1976 » Sat Mar 03, 2018 11:44 am

To set the scene-

I am 40,Male, from Scotland, with a very close friend, female, 39, who essentially has a likely diagnosis of Borderline PD, after seeing a psychologist in the past. We met 9 years ago, live 100 miles apart, and have remained very close friends since then, meeting up about once every 6-12 weeks or so, for dinner and fun and laughter. We have sent gifts to each other, written letters to each other, and shared a lot of secrets together. We text each other most days, sometimes a lot.

Although we are emotionally very very close , we have over the years mutually agreed that best not go down anything physical, as she has a problem with relationships, due to her mental health. And I have no problem with that, because I value her friendship more gan anything, and would be very upset if it broke down permanently. I have seen her have 3 or 4 relationships that have all gone the same way, they last 3 to 6 months, she breaks it up with them, then gets back together but for a shorter space of time, then breaks up again etc but anything more than 6 months is long for her. I think she delves in quickly, they get intimate quickly, but it feels it starts going wrong after 2 to 3months. I help her get over them, by meeting up, chatting etc. Other unfortunate things she has done over the years is bulimia, gain weight, lose weight, talk about cosmetic surgery, built up debt on credit cards, make big life plans, only to keep changing them, move address many times, change jobs often and drink alcohol frequently.

She has broken contact completely with me on 4 occasions, ranging from 1month to 8 months, usually responding badly to a few negative things from me, and saying our friendship was meaningless etc. But she has always got back in touch.

She started a new relationship 5 months ago, with someone who is newly divorced, and again, he moved in quickly, they got intimate quickly etc. Within weeks though she was saying things like it is a good relationship, but the sex was boring etc, so I thought to myself, starting to be negative means it will go the usual way. They broke up after 3 months, but then got back together. We met up a fortnight ago, where she admitted she had slept with someone else, a few weeks into this relationship, although the new boyfriend doesn’t know about this. We got drunk, and for the first time we had proper physical intimacy in the form of passionate French kissing. We agreed no regrets, and that it wouldn’t change anything.

We continued to text and behave as usual over the subsequent days. She got a bit drunk a few nights at home, and we texted a bit about sexual topics (not between us, but in general). All was fine.

Suddenly last week, she stopped texting, completely, and did not respond to anything sent, even if just about the weather. Nothing.

Then last night, she suddenly texted to say she was in a wonderful relationship and truely in love for the first time and she was taking time to think about how to go forward with our friendship, with normal boundaries that doesn’t disrespect her boyfriend.

I was very surprised - out of the blue and no warning - is this BPD playing up again?

Is it a case of we got more physically intimate than before and she is back-pedalling because she it has made her anxious about me rejecting her or something like that? I can’t imagine she is truly 8n love with current boyfriend as she has been mentioning negative things about him before and has already slept with one other. And she said she was in love with the others before him if I recall. She has said before our relationship is closer than just friendship, but we have kept it all emotionally based so it doesn’t go wrong.

Usually our contact cut offs that have haooend has been after a few days of her being annoyed with me and a bit tense arguments and things taken out of proportion etc, but this stop in communication and then this seems to have come from nowhere.

I am always wanting her to be happy and settled and trying to be supportive as I can.

Any thoughts? Advice on how to respond? Do I just stay silent for now and leave her to get on with things and await her next communication?


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Re: Anyone able to explain my friend’s latest behaviour ?

Postby mihaela » Thu Mar 08, 2018 4:43 am

Hello and welcome! I'm sorry that no-one has answered you yet. Because of the way the forum is organised and the lack of regulars, this often happens. Relationships aren't really my thing, but I'm sure someone else should be able to help you. x

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