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Don’t know how to help anymore!

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
mumtofour
Posts: 14
Joined: Thu Feb 22, 2018 11:28 am

Don’t know how to help anymore!

Postby mumtofour » Thu Feb 22, 2018 11:42 am

So my husband of 9years (partner of 15) suffers with depression yet he won’t admit it about 5 years ago he was on medication but after 6months went cold turkey and stopped it by himself for a few years he seemed fine but two years ago his Aunty passed away, he was very close to her and this set him back, still not gets very upset with it which I do know everyone deals with grief differently, but just recently he seems to have spiralled again, being really paroide accusing me of sleeping around or not doing enough, says that we don’t talk and that maybe I make him feel like he he apologisers afterwards but this makes me feel not good enough.I know he’s only being like this because he’s feeling very low and has very low self esteem and for some reason it’s his way of having a blow out then making him feel better for a few days ,he wakes in nights say 1-2 times a month having a panic attack where he struggles to breath and don’t know the cause of it. he don’t really talk to anyone and won’t do councilig as isn’t very good with talking to people yet he also won’t go to the docs to discuss medication as he said he don’t want to be taking tablets... I’m at a loss of what I can do to help now and it’s getting t the point where it’s starting to make me depressed, I feel worried sick about our live and what’s going to happen I’m worried about his illness and it just getting worse, I feel useless as I want to help him get better but I can’t. we do have a lot of stresses which I’m sure anyone with 4 kids will know it’s not easy to manage them and being at work to come home to arguing kids adds more stress as it feels like all we are doing is telling them off which in turn makes us not want to go out anywhere with them etc etc sorry if this didn’t make sense but I needed to write it down hope someone can make sense of all this and give me a bit of advice on how to deal with this

mumtofour
Posts: 14
Joined: Thu Feb 22, 2018 11:28 am

Re: Don’t know how to help anymore!

Postby mumtofour » Fri Feb 23, 2018 9:15 am

So today I just feel utterly deflated, coming on here and letting it out seems to help a little husband said last night that he thinks the route cause is his work, being a lorry driver he works long hours is on his own 99.9% of the time andnthengets home and not being able to do anything with us as a family. He wants to quit his Job and start a business on his own, I do believe he can make it work but in the short run I think it’s going to have a bigger impact on his and only health with no income apart from my part time wage, and lots of out goings I can see this being very tough! He’s been a lorry driver for the last 14 years so I don’t understand why know he’s saying that’s the cause! I don’t think the driving is the cause but the new Job which he started just after christmas, As he has spiralled since being there, I’ve suggested leaving the job and finding something else but that he won’t do he just said he wants to quit although, with having 4 kids to look after a mortgage to pay for I don’t think this is very realistic :( fells like there’s no point in me even giving my opinion as he’ll do what he wants anyway. I’m so worried about what lays ahead

Isap
Posts: 1539
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Don’t know how to help anymore!

Postby Isap » Fri Feb 23, 2018 9:45 am

Hi there

Just wanted to let you know that I have read your posts and feel very sorry for your situation. I am too ill myself to offer any advice but there are some good people on this forum, it just gets very quiet because people are struggling themselves.

Take care

Isap xx

mumtofour
Posts: 14
Joined: Thu Feb 22, 2018 11:28 am

Re: Don’t know how to help anymore!

Postby mumtofour » Fri Feb 23, 2018 10:28 am

Hi Isap thanks for your reply, I really hope you are getting help to coming on here seems to have been a good start for letting out what I need to say, but am really struggling to find motivation it seems I’m dammed if I do dammed if I don’t.

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply

james80
Posts: 228
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Re: Don’t know how to help anymore!

Postby james80 » Fri Feb 23, 2018 12:13 pm

Hi.

I'm not sure about the protocol for suggesting links to other places but you might find some helpful advice at the following forum:

https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/depress ... ussion-f1/

It's a forum specifically for partners/friends of people suffering from depression and is very useful for advice and shared experiences from that perspective.

Isap
Posts: 1539
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Don’t know how to help anymore!

Postby Isap » Fri Feb 23, 2018 1:02 pm

Hi I James

That's a good link
I couldn't remember the forum name or would have posted myself

mumtofour
Posts: 14
Joined: Thu Feb 22, 2018 11:28 am

Re: Don’t know how to help anymore!

Postby mumtofour » Wed Mar 07, 2018 8:09 am

Another step in the right direction hubby has now been and got tabs from the docs although not actually took them as of yet
But it’s a starting position, he’s still not sleeping at night which is getting frustrating as he wants to be up talking to me and it makes me feel guilty about wanting to sleep as he can’t if that makes sense, I’m mentally drained, how many of you actually spend the majority of your time talking to partner when home? As he seems to think that we should talk constantly and it’s becoming hard work, surely I’m right in thinking no one can talk 24/7?

mia-7
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Mar 09, 2018 5:17 pm

Re: Don’t know how to help anymore!

Postby mia-7 » Fri Mar 09, 2018 6:08 pm

Hi,

I can't offer advice, but I just wanted to say that I am going through very similar things with my fiancée and I understand how difficult it is. She also accuses me of cheating, not listening to her & not helping her even though I have bent over backwards for her for years & have never been anything but faithful. It can be hard not to take it personally sometimes and feel like I am inadequate, but I know deep down it is not my fault.

It is so disappointing, heartbreaking, infuriating and horrible when having to deal with these issue. It is difficult enough to deal with this by myself I do not know how you manage with 4 children. You have my respect.

mumtofour
Posts: 14
Joined: Thu Feb 22, 2018 11:28 am

Re: Don’t know how to help anymore!

Postby mumtofour » Thu Mar 15, 2018 7:53 am

Thanks for getting back to me everyone and sorry I’m only just getting back, Friday took a turn for the worse with events and my husband tried to take his own life, cut his wrists took and over dose and smashed up our car. I really don’t know how I can deal with this is have so many mixed feelings going on with trying to be strong for our children and him at the same. Time it’s untrue one min I hate him for what he has done to all of us and the next min I feel so upset and guilty for not being able to help him before. Then also worrying about what will happen n the future. He’s currently in a mental health hospital getting the help he needs but I’m struggling to hold it all together :(


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